Musings From A Park Bench

Moving

2007-08-30T17:51:00.000-04:00

I finally did it. I finally chose a new blog-server-host thingie, so here's the new address, and I will see you there later!!

The Bitch Is ... Still Here*

2007-08-29T14:48:00.000-04:00

With all due respect to Elton John....

I've written before about this woman who started working in our office late last year. I had worked with her before this (actually recommended that she be fired from the last job we worked on together because she wasn't pulling her own weight and because she was a morale problem), but apparently her father (a prominent judge) is good enough friends with one of the partners here that she gets a job. Lest you criticize me for being overly caustic, I'm actually being kind given what she's pulled since she started working here, but that is a story for another day.

Anyway, Little Miss Thing had a hearing in a district court in Burton this morning and she noticed that there was a hearing scheduled for Client A – so she calls my secretary about it.

Not the secretary who handles the cases from this client, not her own secretary - my secretary. Like I'm not doing something I should be, and she's just found out about it so she has to tattle.

Fortunately, my secretary told her that I was in Lansing on another matter as directed by the attorney who is in charge of both cases, so it wasn't my file. Then, my wonderful secretary followed up on it and found out whose file it was. Turned out, it was another person in my office who had been given wrong directions, and he was on his way. Sheesh.

It’s one thing to have to put up with her being here when she’s such a know-it-all, name-dropper, her-crap-doesn't-stink, can't-see-past-the-end-of-her-own-nose anyway, but to know that she is actively looking for things I’m screwing up so she can tattle on me is just downright annoying.

I suppose I shouldn’t feel too bad – after all, this same client just pulled a file from her and directed it to me because she didn’t know what she was doing. :)

*The reference is to a song by Elton John circa 1974 entitled "The Bitch is Back." According to legend (OK, the internet), he was in a foul mood, complaining about anything and everything, and Bernie Taupin's wife, Maxine, saw him and said "Uh-Oh, the bitch is back." Bernie Taupin writes Elton's lyrics and thought it was a great phrase. He wrote lyrics around it and Elton put it to music.

Something To Look Forward To.....

2007-08-27T13:05:00.000-04:00

Saturday, September 1, 4:00 – 5:15 PM, at the Carhartt Amphitheatre Stage. The Detroit Jazz Festival presents legendary pianist and composer Dave Brubeck.

"This NEA Jazz Master, who has been described as one of the “most enduringly popular jazz musicians in the world,” brings his indelible sound to DJF for a special afternoon performance. Although it has been almost 50 years since the release of his groundbreaking album, Time Out, Brubeck shows no signs of slowing down. The quartet features Bobby Militello on alto sax and flute, bassist Michael Moore, and long-time drummer Randy Jones."

Dude, I am so there! :)

White Knuckle Days

2007-08-23T18:27:00.000-04:00

Bad things:

1. After a long day during which I was not able to get much in the way of lunch or go home to let my dog out, I found out that my mortgage company for my second mortgage had AGAIN f***ed up my mortgage payment because their online system did not recognize the routing and/or account number for my bank (even though the supervisor who took my online payment after I explained what had happened was able to immediately identify the bank and verify that the account was valid).

2. This same company had botched the automatic payment that they had pushed - touting how much easier it would be to use their program! - for the August 1 payment, which I discussed with them on August 17, resulting in the one time draft I did (also on August 17) because the money had not yet been pulled from my account.

3. I had a 2004 exam this morning, and two 341 hearings this afternoon, which means that I didn't get back to the office until after 5:00 p.m. today, and I have a continued trial tomorrow that I haven't been able to devote the time for preparation because one of my colleagues and her husband went to Jamaica last weekend and got stuck in the hurricane zone.

4. I am on day 4 of the Cabbage Soup Diet, which means that, as of 6:30-something p.m., I have had 9 ounces of tuna fish, 1 cup of lowfat milk, 1 banana, 1 large cup of Starbucks coffee (with nonfat milk), and 1 20-ounce diet Pepsi. I am tempted to eat my chair.

Good things:

1. Tomorrow is Friday.

1a. Tomorrow I get to eat 10-20 ounces of beef, tomatoes (which for this anti-vegetarian means V-8 juice) and vegetables (i.e., green beans and salad). Yes, it sounds foolish to do the Cabbage Soup Diet when one dislikes vegetables, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

2. My colleague and her husband are safe and sound.

3. I was able to spend some of the down time I had between hearings at Borders, where I scored 4 books off their clearance table for $1.00 each. I am about 1/3 of the way through the first one, which is a nonfiction book called "Displaced Persons" by Joseph Berger. It's a fast read anyway, but I do read fast.

Much of my frustration today comes from the knowledge that I have this massive billable hour quota hanging over my head when I feel least able to handle it. Holidays are coming. Birthdays are coming - not the least of which is my cousin's oldest daughter's Sweet 16 - and I've already missed three that I didn't plan to miss. My parents are coming for a visit the end of September, and I want to take at least one day off while they're here, so that I can spend some real time with them instead of just a few hours here and there.

I have fewer of the things in my life that make it truly worthwhile to work, and more of the work, and still the threat of not having even this job that I am starting to resent because of the amount of time it takes away from things - again! - that make the life worth living.

And then I read "Displaced Persons" and feel like the most ungrateful schmuck on the planet. (Sigh).

This, too, shall pass. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. To everything there is a season. A time to work and a time to rest.

How Goes The Battle?

2007-08-21T17:38:00.001-04:00

I found this in an article on military families in relation to child abuse statistics, but it sounded equally applicable to some missionary families - not in the category of abuse but in another area:

Geographic Mobility and Isolation

The frequency of moves has a significant effect on the family and the personality of its members. They may develop a sense of restless transiency and superficial relationships with a tendency to avoid deeply felt extrafamilial attachments to lessen the hurt of separation. Furthermore, frequent moves disrupt ties to the extended family structure. This requires increased dependency on the nuclear family which itself is often confronted with periodic splitting because of temporary assignments and isolated tours of the father. Sorokin (1959) noted a definite relationship between pathology, alienation, and geographic mobility. Other studies (Gabower,l960; Hi11,1958; Pedersen and Sullivan,1964) also imply a detrimental effect of mobility. [Emphasis added].

Hm. Y'think this might shed any light on someone's fear of intimacy or commitment?

Of course, since this was just a study, there were no helpful tips on how to overcome any negative effects of the geographic mobility and/or isolation, but this is just a point along the path.

A Long Week

2007-08-18T14:50:00.000-04:00

It's just been a long week. I have: a motion to dismiss filed against me in one case, a trial coming up next Friday in another case, 3 foreclosures sitting on my desk that I haven't even started on, and I'm really just not sure what else. Oh. And the case in which I got the motion to dismiss has trial scheduled for October 9. Not to mention the fact that I got into a bitch-fest with a judge (on the phone, no less) on Monday. That was fun.

Then, I got a notice from the board of directors of my condo association (actually, everyone got one) that included a complaint about (and prohibition against) keeping dog poopy on the porch until garbage day, along with complaints about excessive water usage and other things.*

Here's what they want us to do: pick up the poopy because it's disgusting and unsanitary, take it into our unit, and either flush it down the toilet or store it inside until trash day. Excuse me? I'm not taking something "disgusting and unsanitary" into my house to sit for a week! If they think having it on the porch is smelly, what do they think it's going to smell like inside the house?

Not to mention the increase in water use that is going to come from flushing the toilet three times as often - let alone getting poopy out of a baggie that is containing it very well, particularly if it is a little, well, "messy." These are obviously people who do not have dogs.

I looked into the Doggie Dooley, which looks like a great idea, but that won't deal with the smell problem since it's really just a miniature septic system for dog waste that requires you to add water to it every time you make a "deposit." To deal with the smell, they sell a little "deodorizer kit", but that's just a bottle of "extra heavy duty" Oust-type spray with a little pad that fits on the inside of the lid to the Dooley. Not really a bad idea in concept, but not the most practical thing for a condo. If I had my own house, I would totally consider one of these.

So, it started out badly and now that it's Saturday, I am just sitting here thinking, "what happened? Where did the week go?"

Fortunately, my car is no longer making funny noises and my dog is just wonderful. As I said: it's been a long week. Hope yours is going better. Soon it will be time for apple cider and sweaters and raking leaves, and that's my favorite time of the year anyway, so for now, I'm just going to keep hanging in there until things settle down.

* Our condo complex has the water bill paid out of our association fee, which is really quite wonderful. Our association fee includes the water and sewer, natural gas usage, insurance and maintenance, so I really shouldn't complain.....

Must Be Something In the Air...

2007-08-13T18:28:00.000-04:00

OK, I truly do not know where this is coming from, but ... there seems to be, ahem, something in the air that is leading me to getting ready to dip my toe back in the dating pool and see how the water is.

Yes, I realize that just by saying so, I've probably condemned the entire operation, but I'm not going to do the same dumb things I've done in the past. No sir! I'm probably going to come up with completely new dumb things I wouldn't have thought I could do!

I am, however, taking in a little dating advice from so-called "experts" (OK, it's iVillage's dating latest maven), only this time, I'm actually doing the exercises. The results have been a little surprising.

First, they ask you to write down the qualities you are looking for in a man - and you have to come up with at least 10. Fine. Done. The idea is that if you want to find something (or someone), it helps to know what (or whom) you're looking for.

Then, they have questions for you to answer - questions like: Why do you want to start a relationship? What scares you about starting a relationship? What will change in your life if you start a relationship? and What feelings -- good or bad -- might you have to let go of?

Those are a little trickier - for instance, I thought the "why I want to start a relationship" question would be a no-brainer, until I realized that my answer was that I don’t want to live the rest of my life alone. What scares me about relationships was an equally troubling answer: so much of my answer was "fear" - fear that I would "settle", fear that I would get hurt, and fear that ... (deep breath) I will have to make room for someone else in my life.

That was tough to acknowledge: that I don't really want to make room for anyone else in my life. That dovetailed quite nicely into "what would change" if I were to start a relationship: I would have to make time for someone else’s needs and activities. I wouldn’t have the autonomy I’ve learned to enjoy.

The way my life is now, I can come and go whenever I want. If I don’t want to go someplace, I don’t go. I don’t have to make meals or do laundry or clean house on anyone’s schedule except my own, and I don’t have to rush home to spend time with anyone (except my dog).

The feelings I would have to let go of would also be pretty telling: I'd have to give up my autonomy - my control over whatever in my life I can control. I'd also have to give up my defensiveness about not being married yet - weirdly, that's a bit comforting.

I mean, come on: what better answer is there to the question from the well-meaning little old ladies in my neighborhood and church: "you're such a nice person/wonderful cook/(whatever)! How is it that you're not married?" How can you not love that question? It presumes such lovely things about you and your character and abilities, and it places all of the blame for your singleness on the stupidity of others? :) In a relationship, I'd have to give up that assumption of my quality and character. I'd have to be a wife. OK, girlfriend at first.

Maybe that's part of the underlying fear: that, with all of the expectations of marriage because of my age, there would be no room for enjoying courtship or choosing someone who was right for me. My mother's mother was good at reminding me of that: I might not get another chance, so I should snag the first one that comes along.

But in this society, how do you say you want to take things slowly or that you aren't in a rush to get married without sounding like you're interested in a FWB* relationship?

We'll have to see. For now, I have a couple of goals - for one thing, I will feel much more inclined to meet someone if I am in better shape, and while I know "round" is a shape, it's not the shape I want to stay in! :) (And really, it's not that bad - it's not where I'm most comfortable, but it's not that bad.....OK, maybe it's worse than I think it is, but that's beside the point!)

I also know that I will feel more like meeting members of the opposite sex if take a little more control over my schedule and actually schedule time to be out and about. The Dating Doyenne had a good tip: I'm not going to meet suitably eligible men if I stay home all the time or confine my walks with my dog to my own condo complex. If I don't make time to meet someone, how will I make time for him in my life if I were to find him?

The biggest challenge is going to be the conversation portion of the exercises. I can talk all day about lots of different things, but I am not so good with the small talking. (No. Really.) I guess that's why one of the first exercises (after the identification portion) is to practice saying "hello" to random strangers - to get over that feeling that every encounter has to mean something.

The next stage after that is to practice light conversation: the weather, the surroundings, etc. Again, the goal is not to get a date or even a phone number, but to practice the art of conversation without it's leading to anything. Since that is probably about all I can keep straight for a few weeks, I'm going to work on those things first - as I'm heading out the door in my sneakers with my dog pulling at the leash!!

*FWB = "friends with benefits"

Christmas in August

2007-08-09T14:36:00.000-04:00

Shhhhhhh. Don't tell anyone, but there are rumors of a new Narnia movie coming May 2008!!

:)

If You Have To Cheat, You Shouldn't Be In the Game

2007-08-07T15:45:00.000-04:00

August 4, 2007 Saturday 12:40 AM EST

REP. GINGREY BLASTS DEMOCRATS' MANIPULATION OF DEMOCRACY

WASHINGTON
Rep. Phil Gingrey, R-Ga. (11th CD), issued the following press release:

U.S. Representative Phil Gingrey, M.D., today blasted the reprehensible tactics of the Democratic leadership in the House, which culminated last night in the manipulation of a floor vote - for the benefit of illegal immigrants to the United States.

"We have seen time and again this week the willingness of the Democratic leadership to manipulate the rules and the procedures of the House to lock out Republicans from participating in the democratic process," said Gingrey. "But to disenfranchise the elected Representatives of the people so that federal welfare benefits might be given to illegal aliens - that is a failure to uphold the very Constitution those Democratic leaders have sworn to defend."

Last night, during debate on the Fiscal Year 2008 Agriculture Appropriations bill, Republicans offered a procedural Motion to Recommit which would have prevented any federal benefits - including food stamps - from going to illegal aliens. At the end of the allotted time for voting, Democrats gaveled the vote to a close, proclaiming a vote of 214 to 214 (a tie, which would have caused the motion to fail), when in fact, the actual vote count was 215 to 213 - meaning that the motion had passed, and illegal immigrants would have been barred from receiving federal benefits.

"I find it unfathomable that 213 Democratic Members of the House could ever believe that illegal aliens deserve to receive food stamps," Gingrey continued. "But the fact remains that the leaders of the Democratic Caucus are so desperate to ram their liberal, extremist agenda through Congress that they are willing to break the rules, change the vote, and trample the rights of any Members who oppose them. It is an insult to this institution, and an insult to the American people."

Last night was only the latest example of how far the Democrat majority is willing to go to stop any disagreement with its extremist agenda. Earlier in the week, House Democrats cut billions of dollars in Medicare benefits for our nation's seniors, just to provide healthcare insurance for wealthy families and illegal immigrants. Rep. Gingrey and fellow Georgian Rep. Tom Price of the Sixth Congressional District joined together on the floor to delay consideration of the Agriculture Appropriations bill to draw public attention to these tactics. The Democratic leadership responded by preventing House Republicans from offering any amendments to the bills under consideration, throwing out centuries of House precedent and silencing the voices of hundreds of duly-elected Representatives.

Contact: Chris Jackson, 202/225-2931.
August 6, 2007
Copyright 2007 HT Media Ltd.All Rights Reserved
US Fed News
445 words

The Other Side

2007-08-06T16:37:00.000-04:00

Talking about the earlier question, "Did Jesus love the Pharisees?" I found some references to the same subject in comments to Everyday Mommy's latest Thursday Thirteen that led me in one direction. Then, as I started following up on the research side, I found verses leading in another direction:

Matt. 5: 43-48: You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

I have to confess - I don't understand this part. I don't know how anyone can do this, and I guess the conclusion that leads to is that, on our own, we can't. I think that was part of the point Jesus was making in the Sermon on the Mount - no matter what semantics come into play about whom to love, or what love means, this is really what is intended. I also think that He knew we can't on our own, and that He came because we need Him to be perfect, even as God is perfect.

I found an interesting take on this by a guy named Chip Bell. He writes, "Jesus says, I know that justice is important to you. I know that it hurts when you’ve been wronged. But be careful. There’s a danger here. Never let your thirst for justice turn into a quest for revenge. Don’t get even. You’ve been attacked and cheated and forced and taken advantage of. But answer the evil with kindness and generosity. And then leave everything else to God."

I know that seems to mix a desire for retribution with a lack of love - that's why I said this was not going to be about easy answers. The "head" answer to this is that, of course, Jesus loved the Pharisees, since He died and rose again to draw all men to Himself. But, even though He loved them, they made evil and purposeful choices that contradicted God's law.

One of the examples I see in the Old Testament is the story of Manasseh. He was the son of Hezekiah, and for the first portion of his reign, he was one of the most wicked kings of Judah - kind of like the Adolph Hitler of his day. The Bible says, "He made his sons pass through the fire in the valley of Ben-hinnom; and he practiced witchcraft, used divination, practiced sorcery and dealt with mediums and spiritists. He did much evil in the sight of the LORD, provoking Him to anger." 2 Chronicles 33:6.

But Manasseh was captured by the Assyrians, and in his distress, he called out to God to save him. "When he was in distress, he entreated the LORD his God and humbled himself greatly before the God of his fathers. When he prayed to Him, He was moved by his entreaty and heard his supplication, and brought him again to Jerusalem to his kingdom. Then Manasseh knew that the LORD was God." 2 Chronicles 33:12-13.

It didn't happen with every wicked king, or even with every wicked person, but it happens. And I think the answer to the question "Did Jesus love the Pharisees" has to be "yes." No matter how evil we (or other people) may be, God's love is still there and is available to anyone who asks. I also think that, because God's love is there, if those who have done evil to others are forgiven by God, then God also can give the power of forgiveness and healing to those who were hurt by that evil.

Jesus said that He had come to draw "all" men to Himself. "All" - not just the ones that don't do evil things. Romans 5:8 says that God demonstrated His love toward us in that while we were still in our sins, Christ died for us.

The earlier verses in that chapter of Romans were always a little mysterious for me. The passage that starts "tribulation works patience" was kind of a catch-phrase: don't pray for patience, because you're just asking for tribulation! Fear of tribulation or trials, though, kept me from really reading the rest of the passage:

"And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations (sufferings), knowing that tribulation (suffering) brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5:3-5.

Hope.

One thing I learned years ago: when the Bible says "hope" in this context, it isn't talking about the kind of hope that says "I hope I get [whatever] for Christmas" or "I hope this works out." It's the expectation of something that will come because it was promised. It's more like "trust" or "confidence." God's love can be trusted - it will not harm us or abandon us, and the Holy Spirit is the means by which God's love is "poured out within our hearts."

The same God whose love caused Jesus to come and die for my sins and to restore fellowship between God and me loves all people, even those who violate His laws and His people. His love is there - for anyone to accept or reject.

I don't know how to love like that. I'm almost afraid to say that I want to learn, because I guess I'm afraid of whom God will send me to love, but that's probably where the trust has to come. I don't think that the type of love intended is the doormat variety - that doesn't square with what I read in Proverbs or Ecclesiastes or some of the other passages that talk about wisdom.

But at the same time, I think that's part of why there are also recorded in the Bible stories of Jesus clearing the temple of the moneylenders and chastizing the Pharisees - to show that there are times to be tough, even with those you love.

I've written before that I don't trust answers that come too easily or too quickly. This hasn't been easy or quick, even if it seems like it might have been. And frankly, just because I can articulate this stuff doesn't mean I can do it! But at least the concepts have form - they're not just thoughts floating in and out of my head every now and then. Definitely a starting point. Thanks for coming along with me.

[All quotations from http://www.bible.org/, New American Standard Version].

DIIM*

2007-08-06T11:17:00.000-04:00

One question has been answered - the reason my clothes fit a bit better is that I'm taking vitamins. Not that the vitamins themselves are "magic pills" that are making me smaller; it's just that I forgot that B complex vitamins make me nauseous, so that as a result of taking them, the idea of eating anything is, well, unpleasant.

[Now if I could just get my office to stop moving around so much, I might be able to get some work done....]

* D*** It, It's Monday.

Today's Question: Did Jesus Love the Pharisees?

2007-08-04T12:01:00.000-04:00

It's been one of those days. On the plus side, I slept in (oh, blissful sleep!) and didn't get up until 10:30-ish. I love it that my dog understands his mama's need to sleep and that he didn't bug me to get up.

On the other side (maybe plus, maybe not), I had weird dreams and thoughts in that half-wakefulness that comes in the morning when you know you really should get up and you really don't want to just yet. Aside from the rebuilding of whatever it was I was rebuilding (it had to do with hardwood flooring - I have no idea where that came from), I was thinking about .... stuff (I'll try to post more about that later).

Some of it has to do with the election. In case you didn't know, I'm sort of stumping for Fred Thompson. The more I read about the guy, the more I like him for the White House, if for no other reason than he really didn't want it - this is not the cumulation of a life-long ambition for him, but it seems to be something he would do as a public service. When was the last time you heard of a president taking on the role as a service to the public?

Flowing from that was the question about whether it matters if the person who next occupies the White House is a Christian or not, and I'm not sure about that either. That question came up when Harriet Myers was proposed for the Attorney General slot, and I still think that it matters less if the person is a Christian than if they're competent and moral - I'd way rather have an atheist plumber who is a good plumber than a Christian who isn't very good at all.

Thinking about politics, though, reminded me of this great book by Cal Thomas and Ed Dobson called "Blinded by Might," which talks about the Moral Majority and its influence on the political landscape. It struck me that good citizenship is a Christian responsibility - much of what the Bible says about loving your neighbor as yourself and doing good to those who persecute you is good citizenship, but that led me to the question of what the Bible means when it says "love" in that context.

I thought that the parable of the good Samaritan was a pretty good answer, but as I re-read it, I realized that the definition of neighbor is not about whom you see that might be in need. Jesus's answer to the rich man who had asked "who is my neighbor" was that, of the three men who saw the victim, the Samaritan was his neighbor because he showed mercy to him. If a neighbor is one who shows mercy, then is the commandment to love your neighbor as yourself limited to those who show you mercy?

If the public's perception of what it means to be a "real" Christian is that you love everybody indiscriminately, is that an accurate perception? And along that thought train, I wondered if Jesus loved the Pharisees? I'm not sure. Remember, this was the group that He called "a generation of vipers."

I'll have to think on this a little and get back to you. Not so much so that I can figure out where I'm going with this as so that I can do the research and formulate an answer. I'm really not sure where it's going to lead.

TGIF

2007-08-03T11:11:00.000-04:00

Seriously. I am so glad it's Friday, I could just .... sleep. :)

It's just been one of those weeks. I know, I know - I don't live in Minnesota, so I don't have it too bad. Even though a bridge didn't fall on me or on anyone I know (that I know of, anyway), it's still been a tough week. The end of the month always is. I missed my goal for billable hours by 30-some hours (which is the direct result of taking a few days off around the 4th, but too bad!). Now that a new month has arrived, I have a bit of breathing room, but it's still going to be busy.

My clothes are starting to fit a bit better. I'm not sure why, although I suspect this wretched heat has something to do with it. I just don't feel like eating when it's this hot and humid outside. Whatever the reason, I'm going to go with it - when my body decides, all on its own, that it's going to help me, I encourage it!

Short of eating vegetables, that is. I still have SOME standards.

Right or Happy?

2007-07-30T10:58:00.000-04:00

My mom went back yesterday. She called when she got in, and while I think she was glad to be home, I also think she wishes I had come back with her - that I could just go "home" and be down the street. Not that she is alone in this!! :) Some of our struggles arise because of that tension between wanting home to include family and accepting that growing up means having a home of my own that may not be close in geography.

We were able to sort out the other issues, too, but the funny thing is, in talking to my mother, I realized I was talking to myself as well. F'rinstance, one of the issues that has been troubling for my parents is money. Not that this is a big surprise, since one of the most significant issues for any couple is usually money: how to spend it, who makes the decisions, etc.

My mom worked for most of her life at a job she was very good at but that she tolerated at best because she could make more money at it than my dad could make at his chosen profession. She resented the hell out of that imbalance, particularly since my dad was (and remains) actually an excellent teacher, but he chose to be a pastor to follow in the footsteps of a man he looked to as a surrogate father, even though he often resents the general requirements of his profession.

Anyway, in talking with my mom about the things that drive her to the despair she has lived with for a while now, I mentioned to her that she had choices - she could choose whether to agree to how these things were done, she could speak up, she could put money into her own account for her own use, etc. And, unlike some families I've heard of, she actually could. My dad can be selfish and manipulative, but he is not unreasonable. He's just too smart for his own damned good (like some other people I know.....)

As we were in this discussion, my mom kept saying that she's tried, but she can't. I told her that she can, but that she chooses not to because she gets a benefit from things staying the way they are. She said, "what benefit? How is this good for me?" I told her, "You like to be right. If Dad is wrong, then you're right." She thought about it for a minute, and then she said, "You know, I never thought of it like that....."

We'll see how things go - I think they are both motivated to move forward with this, and I think with my dad going back to school, he will have less time to get into mischief, but we'll see. My dad is pretty fact-driven. He can make great arguments around the facts, but he's usually up-front enough to admit when a situation is imbalanced. The hard part is getting him to follow through - but that's a tale for another day.

The discussion stuck with me, though, not because it concerns my parents, but because I know that I am like both of my parents in many ways. I started thinking about how their relationship formed the model for my own relationships (or lack thereof), and it finally struck me: How many times have I chosen to be right instead of happy? How many times have I been drawn to men who were unavailable for whatever reason, only to say that I had done everything right but I hadn't found the right person?

Definitely something to think about. Particularly since there is a really CUTE new neighbor that just moved in next door. Tall, dark, handsome, athletic, with dimples.....

Not too sure about the status right now. He had a very quiet blonde with him when I met him Saturday. I tried to say hello to her and introduce myself, but she wouldn't even look at me. He works midnights, so I'm not likely to seek him that often, but I will keep my eyes open for the blonde. If I find out anything more, I will let you know!

Today's Inbox: Something to Think About

2007-07-27T13:38:00.000-04:00

I got this in my email today. And I think I have it bad....

Forgotten in the Shadows 7/24/2007
By Caitlin DeMarco

Save Darfur” a sign reads. “Genocide in the Sudan” reads another. The world today is justly outraged at the atrocities taking place in that area of Africa. Campaigns raise money to help stop the fighting in the Darfur area of Sudan. Actors and musicians give their time and celebrity to bring awareness of the conflict to the world. The Sudan campaigns are admirable, and the world hopes and prays that peace will come to Sudan.

Unfortunately, in the shadow of the Darfur genocide lies a tragedy that remains mostly unnoticed by the rest of the world. In northern Uganda and southern Sudan, around 66,000 children, primarily of the Acholi tribe, have been abducted by the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) since its creation by Joseph Kony, a pseudo-Christian spiritualist, in 1987. These children are violently taken from their homes, and at least 14 percent are forced to attack family or friends in order to separate them from society, to keep them captive in mental and physical slavery. They are then beaten and brainwashed into becoming killers and kidnappers, or forced to serve their captors as slaves and pack animals. Boys become soldiers and porters. Girls are soldiers as well, but often also become sex slaves or “marry” the LRA’s commanders. According to the Survey of War Affected Youth, though only about 15 percent of abductees are forced to kill in battle, 20 percent are forced to kill a stranger, and 58 percent are forced to steal or destroy property. Around 63 percent of abductees receive severe beatings and 78 percent witness a killing.

Fearing the LRA’s attacks, the government of Uganda placed over 1.6 million people in camps for Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs). These people were forced to flee their homes, their farms and businesses, in order to protect themselves and their children from the attacks of the LRA. Unfortunately, they are not always protected, even in the camps. In February 2004, the LRA killed at least 337 people in the Barlonyo camp in the Lira district, and there have been a number of other attacks on different camps where people have been killed, maimed, and kidnapped. The LRA is also not the only danger to the IDP camps. Women and girls are vulnerable to sexual assault and rape by men in the camp, and even by the soldiers of the Uganda People’s Defense Force, men assigned by the government to protect them. Often, to save themselves from attacks by the LRA, children will walk to larger towns to stay the night in shelters run by churches and other organizations. These “night commuters” remain vulnerable to attack and sexual assault, and yet they have almost no other choice if they want to stay safe. They commute to save their lives and their futures, to live with hope when the world does not seem to care and their future seems bleak.

According to a 2005 survey by Alertnet, the violence in Uganda is the “second most under-publicized emergency of [the] present day.” Still, there are people who do hear the cries from Uganda and work to bring peace and safety to the area. Recently the Ugandan government and leaders in the LRA began peace talks in the city of Juba, mediated by the Vice-President of southern Sudan, which has led to the return home of several thousand IDPs. The process is slow, though, and it remains to be seen if any future settlement will be able to be implemented, or if the talks will even do any good. Despite the talks, Ugandans still live in fear, and children remain in the LRA, beaten and terrorized.

While the government looks for a solution to the military problems of Uganda, others look to help the Ugandan people and the children affected by the violence. The Ugandan population is about 84 percent Christian, and the churches of Uganda actively work with Christian relief organizations to aid whomever they can reach with limited resources. Pastor Sam Childers is one of these good people with a heart for these children. Instead of waiting for child soldiers to be rescued by the government, he has gone out and rescued over 500 Ugandan and Sudanese children from the LRA himself. He then returns the children to their parents, and protects the orphans in Children’s Village, an orphanage that is protected by chain-link fences and armed guards. Other groups try and help former child soldier reintegrate into society, a hard task for children who have grown up killing and surrounded by death. Groups have been organized to help the IDPs and the night commuters, giving them aid in their time of need.

As Isaiah 59:15-16 says, “Then the Lord saw it and it displeased Him that there was no justice. He saw that there was no man, and wondered that there was no intercessor; therefore His own arm brought salvation for Him; and His own righteousness, it sustained him.” Not only has God helped children escape, sometimes miraculously from the LRA, His hand reaches through these relief organization and churches to save His children from slavery and fear. Just as God cares for the people of Uganda, so His church around the world should reach out their hands in comfort and help. In the wake of all the terrible violence and suffering in the world, we cannot let the people of Uganda remain forgotten in the shadows.

Caitlin DeMarco is an intern in the Ronald Reagan Memorial Internship Program at Concerned Women for America. She is assigned to the Beverly LaHaye Institute.

Resources
McDonnell, Faith J.H. and Grace Akallo. “Girl Soldier: A Story of Hope for Northern Uganda’s Children.”
http://www.sway-uganda.org/SWAY.RBrief.1.pdf
http://www.up.ligi.ubc.ca/UpdateNU2004.pdf
http://silverchips.mbhs.edu/inside.php?sid=6012
http://www.irinnews.org/report.aspx?ReportId=73248

Welcome to the Fish's Belly

2007-07-26T13:54:00.000-04:00

I had lunch today with my mom, my secretary and another woman I work with, and something came up in the discussion that I can't get out of my head.

My one friend from work asked about my sister, who is in the Army and close to retirement. My friend asked if my sister was still talking about retiring to wherever she was talking about last year. My mom mentioned that there has a new development, i.e., that my sister's department may relocate and my sister may end up with a civilian job with the same department.

I said that she should make it a part of her contract that this one co-worker of hers (let's call him Hateful Harold) can't work within 500 miles of her, since this co-worker doesn't do his job and he refuses to control his diabetes so that he ends up in the hospital and doesn't have to work. My mom and I have also speculated that the reason he is still a thorn in her side because she is supposed to witness to him, but that's our theory. I had the same question about why this one co-worker of mine is working with me again - same topic, slightly different facts.

After we left lunch, I got to thinking - how do people who aren't Christians take comments like that? I know I am guilty of assuming that most people have at least one person in their lives that they wish wasn't, but they can't figure out why that person is still around. I also assume that my friends, whether they are Christians or not, at least have enough understanding about the Bible and Christianity to know that there is some mandate to tell others about their faith.

It just didn't hit me until today that if someone is not a Christian, it might not be funny to them that we were joking, really, about someone who was a pain in the neck being in her life so that he could hear the gospel, not to mention the implication that my sister didn't want to witness to him. It wasn't so much that witnessing to someone is a chore or an obligation, but that this person (and more particularly, in this case, with an illness) would be disliked enough to want him out of my sister's workplace.

It made me wonder: do the little inside jokes or expressions Christians use when they are together sound the same to anyone not in the group? Is modern Christianity little more than a clique? And how do "outsiders" take such comments if they overhear them? Does it sound self-righteous and smug, or do people get that Christians are as susceptible as anyone to make
"insider" jokes or comments that others might not understand? Are non-Christians offended by the idea that the reason a Hateful Harold might keep cropping up in someone's life could be that Hateful Harold needs to hear the gospel?

Foundationally, I think everyone needs to hear the gospel; I recognize that there is a time and a place for such discussions, and I also know that talking to someone about their soul is a tricky thing. We should always be praying for opportunities to share our faith, and the idea of talking to someone about becoming a Christian should be one of joy, not dread.

As I said, it just ... hit me that someone who isn't a Christian might not find this theory as humorous as I do, and I thought I would ask you guys what you think. I thought of Jonah when I started writing this, hence the title of this post. Let me know.....

Catching Up

2007-07-26T11:06:00.001-04:00

Just another traumatic Thursday!

Mom's visit is really going well. We got through the initial phase smoothly. It helped that she left Monday morning to go someplace overnight with my aunt, and by the time she got back, we were able to have the Clearing of the Air Talk, which wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. So far, she's planning to stay til Sunday - :). I'm trying to talk her into staying for church, but she said she thinks it might be easier to get through construction on the way home if she goes on a weekend day, which is probably the case.

My dog is LOVING the extra attention!! He's just thrilled that his Nana is there all day to take him outside for little walks and love on him. We went to the local park (not a dog park - just a regular park) last evening, and he lunged after the geese and the ducks the whole way around the park.

What was kind of fun was that my mom loved the park, too. She didn't do much walking. We got someplace where there were picnic tables, and she sat there and watched people while Tanner and I walked, and when we got back, she suggested that we plan to go back again tonight and grill dinner.

Hopefully, it won't rain, 'cuz if it rains, we aren't going to grill outdoors......

Slow Day Update

2007-07-24T13:58:00.000-04:00

I wrote a bit previously about things to do to develop new friendships, and the last item on the list was "Hang out on your porch." Totally unintentionally, I ended up doing just that in the last week - not once, not twice, but three times.

All three times, I talked to a neighbor or two, and it was not "about" anything specific. We just had a really nice chat.

I could get used to that.

8 Random Things About Me

2007-07-24T10:27:00.000-04:00

Kranki has a meme today and she invited people to "tag" themselves, so I thought I would publish my list of 8 Random Things About Me you might not know (for anyone who is interested):

1. I could read by the time I was three years old and could spell "elephant" at age 18 months. Apparently, to my family, this made me a prodigy... :) Now, at 43 - and a half! - I still read whenever I can, but I'm not much smarter, although I can still spell "elephant."

2. I hate to fold laundry - my mom is visiting for the week, and she was last here in June of 2006. During her visit last year, she helped fold laundry that was on the table in the basement, thinking I would put them away. I never put the clothes away - the clothes on the table are pretty much the same ones that were there last year.....

3. I hate to clean bathrooms and kitchens. Thank goodness for Tilex, Scrubbing Bubbles, Easy Off Bam, and various other spray-it-and-leave-it cleaning products, or I would have a farm of microscopic organisms in my house. I made a pot roast in my crock pot in February. I finally threw it out Thursday (since Friday was trash day), and I hadn't eaten any of it.

4. I will do almost anything to avoid going to bed. Still.

5. My dream vacation is to just get two weeks off and still get paid, without having to make the time up during the rest of the year. I don't have to go anywhere.

6. My dream job is to write, even though I have no idea what I would write about. I would prefer nonfiction over fiction.

7. I have never worn braces, and it is the one thing I regret not doing the second I got a job.

8. I actually contribute to my 401K at work. Who'd a thunk?

OK. Your turn! :)

What Are You Wearing Under There?

2007-07-23T18:54:00.000-04:00

“Well, these thighs haven't gone out of the house without Lycra on them since I was 14.”
“You were brought up right.”
[Steel Magnolias, conversation between Truvy and Clairee].

Stockings, Tights, and Hose. Oh my. Watching British sitcoms is probably one of my less heinous vices, since it seems to prod me to look at the differences between British and American words for the same items. Today it was "tights" versus "stockings" versus "hose" - whatever you call them, they have a certain ... reputation.

A group of us were talking about our office's dress code relaxing to allow "no stockings" on casual Fridays during the summer, and I mentioned that I couldn't get used to the no-hose look because I always wore pantyhose, even under slacks. (At which one of the women in the group muttered something about that being too hot and too expensive, and we all changed the subject).

"Well-dressed" has different implications, depending on where you live and what resources are available to you. My grandmother would not go out of the house – even to the grocery store – unless she was wearing a clean dress or skirt and blouse and “stockings.” Grandma didn’t like “pantyhose.” She also never wore “tights” – at least, not as a grown-up. She was of the old school, where ladies wore girdles with garter straps and a single stocking attached to each side.

On one hand, that seems a pretty economical idea: if you get a run, you don't have to throw out the whole pair, because chances are, you have another singleton in the drawer. On the other hand, those things were not what you'd call.....comfortable.

My mother also used to wear the girdle/garter straps/hose combo, untill Leggs came out with the pantyhose-in-the-plastic-egg. She was a nurse back in the 60s and 70s, and early in her career, she wore the white dress with the starched cap, and white hose with white “nurses’ shoes.” [Each style cap meant a different school or hospital – I could never keep straight how they knew which was which.]

As a result of the elaborate (and particularly uncomfortable) uniform, getting dressed was a ritual. I remember thinking that the “getting dressed” process was very important and somewhat glamorous - although my mother stopped wearing makeup at some point, and the jumping and pulling to get the very tight and constricting girdle on was kind of like the animal dance sequence from Fantasia.

The thing was, there was a certain pride and self-respect about the process that got lost as my generation got older. I don’t know whether it was that standards in general relaxed to the point where just the fact that you left the house with undergarments on was a major accomplishment, or if it was just that getting older meant having the ability to just say "no" to anything uncomfortable or constricting.

I still think that leaving the house with undergarments on is a major accomplishment. Making sure they don't show under your clothes still seems beyond the reach of some..... But, the death and burial of the girdle/garter straps/hose combo was a major fashion accomplishment in some ways. I wonder if there will ever come a time when women can get their legs waxed, fake-tanned, and firmed/smoothed for less than the average annual pantyhose allowance?

Hm.......

Oh. By the way. This is all because I did not feel like working on a brief. That is due today.

Today's Word of the Day: Whinging

2007-07-21T15:03:00.000-04:00

Main Entry: whinge
Pronunciation: 'hwinj, 'winj
Function: intransitive verb
Inflected Form(s): whinged; whing·ing or whinge·ing
British : to complain fretfully : WHINE - whinge noun, British

I love to watch the BBC America airings on PBS in Detroit, and one of my favorites is "As Time Goes By," starring Judi Dench and Geoffrey Palmer. The episode that was on Thursday night was about a trip to Los Angeles for a meeting about rights for Lionel's book (Lionel is Geoffrey Palmer's character). Jean made a comment apologizing for "whinging" about something, and it was cool because although I've seen it in print elsewhere, I hadn't heard it pronounced, let alone used.

Anyway, that's why "whinging" is today's word of the day! Enjoy!!

Just a Quote

2007-07-18T08:38:00.000-04:00

I found this today while looking for stuff on Ethel Barrett:

"We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do." - Ethel Barrett.

Ethel Barrett did some recordings of children's stories, most of which were Bible stories, and I can remember sitting in front of my grandparents' stereo listening to her tell these wonderful stories about baby Joash and Gregory the Grub. This is sort of what the stereo looked like:

Although it isn't the exact same stereo, it's close. You could lay on the floor right in front of it, and just listen to the records (we stacked as many as my grandma would let us up to the stereo's maximum).

That was fun.

New Day Update

2007-07-17T18:57:00.000-04:00

Well, here's the denouement. They both read the email, and they've talked, and my dad called and said, "you're right." Not entirely unexpected, because I was right, but that's not really the point.

He then says, "I've got somebody here who wants to talk to you," and hands the phone to my mom. Her first words are, "I understand - I understand that I'm just not going to be able to talk about my feelings."

AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH! [head explodes]. We are now entering the "poor me" phase of the next who-knows-how-long.

Anyway, she's coming up to see my aunt on the 23rd, which is a week from yesterday. At first she said that she was going to go up there, pick my aunt up, take her to look at this place where the cousins' reunion is going to be in September, take her home, drop her off and then go home, "since I don't want to interfere in your life...." [head explodes again].

Either she doesn't get that her talking about how she feels is fine as long as she respects certain boundaries about it, or her life with my dad is so miserable that the only feelings she has about her life are that my dad is making her miserable - which I don't entirely believe, BTW. My dad can be a selfish brat, but he's not intractible.

So, we'll see. I know that part of the reason she's really pissed off at me is because she didn't want to admit some of what she said about the choices she made, and I don't think she wanted my dad to know any of it, either. See, my parents had what used to be called a "shotgun" wedding back in '63 (although, technically, there was no shotgun, and my grandfather and my uncle would have just as rather my parents didn't get married, but that's another story for another day).

There were issues there that pre-dated her and my dad's courtship that my mom has just sat on for 44+ years, and she won't let go of any of it, since it seems much more useful to hold it over his head for the rest of their married lives. As I sit here now, I don't know whether my mom is mad that my dad knows things she hadn't planned to tell him, or if she's sort of glad that it's out in the open because she wanted him to know but didn't want to actually come right out and take responsibility for it. Or both.

Damn! Raising parents is hard......

Slow Day (also known as Procrastination Syndrome)

2007-07-17T12:31:00.000-04:00

From Yahoo! Here are some ways you can develop new friendships:

Get out with your pet. Seek out a popular dog park, make conversation with those who stop to talk on your daily neighborhood jaunts, or make pet play dates.

Work out. Join a class through a local gym, senior center or community fitness facility. Or start a lunchtime walking group at work.

Do lunch. Invite an acquaintance to join you for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Accept invites. When someone invites you to a party, dinner or social gathering, say yes. Resist the urge to say no just because you may not know everyone there or you may initially feel awkward. You can always leave if you get too uncomfortable.

Volunteer. Hospitals, places of worship, museums, community centers and other organizations often need volunteers. You can form strong connections when you work with people who share a mutual interest.

Join a cause. Get together with a group of people working toward a goal you believe in, such as an election or the cleanup of a natural area.

Join a hobby group. Find a nearby group with similar interests in such things as auto racing, music, gardening, books or crafts.

Go back to school. Take a college or community education course to meet people with similar interests.

Hang out on your porch. Front porches used to be social centers for the neighborhood. If you don't have a front porch, you can still sit out front with a cup of coffee or a good book. Making yourself visible shows that you are friendly and open.

Uh Oh....

2007-07-17T12:01:00.000-04:00

THE NEXT WAR IN THE MIDDLE EAST
Written by Jack Kelly
Friday, 13 July 2007

This Monday (7/16), the United Nations Security Council is scheduled to take up a report from Secretary General Ban Ki Moon which recommends the UN act to reduce the flow of arms from Syria to Hezbollah.

That same day or next, the Security Council also is expected to receive a report from its International Investigation Commission about the 2005 murder of former Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik Hariri, which most Lebanese believe was orchestrated by Syria.

How will Syria respond? Here's a clue:

The Iranian news agency IRNA and several Arab newspapers have reported Syria has ordered all Syrian nationals residing in Lebanon to leave the country before Monday.

The al-Watan newspaper in Qatar reported last month that Syria has removed government archives from the Damascus area, a move al-Watan said indicates preparation for war.

Syrian troops have moved three kilometers (1.8 miles) into Lebanon and are digging trenches and building bunkers, the Lebanese daily al-Mustaqbal reported last week.

"There's not much doubt who is behind the military buildup, not to mention the growing violence in Lebanon itself," the Washington Post said of Syria in an editorial July 5.
"Syrian critics in Lebanon say they see their neighbor's hand in an ongoing militant

Islamist uprising in the north, and a deadly bomb attack against UN soldiers in the south," wrote Andrew Butters this week (7/11) in Time magazine's Middle East blog. "The idea is that Syria is going to do whatever it can to prevent the international noose from tightening around its neck."

Syria and its proxy, Hezbollah, are plotting a coup, al-Mustaqbal said. Hezbollah plans to form a "second government" that would include south Lebanon and the Bekaa Valley, both Hezbollah strongholds.

Hezbollah is Shia, as are about 38 percent of Lebanon's people. Slightly more are Christians. The remainder are chiefly Sunni Muslims, or Druze, an offshoot of Shia Islam. The government of Prime Minister Fouad Siniora (a Sunni) has a narrow majority in the Lebanese parliament, a majority that's been thinned by the assassination, allegedly by Syrian agents, of three members of parliament who supported Mr. Siniora.

The coup attempt -- which Lebanese newspapers predict will take place this month -- could spark another civil war. And that war may not be confined to Lebanon.

"Well informed sources in Washington fear a confrontation between Israel and Syria may happen this summer," wrote Claude Salhani, UPI's international editor, last Monday (7/09).

If Israel doesn't vacate the Golan Heights (captured from Syria in the 1967 war) by September, Syrian guerrillas will launch "resistance operations," a top official in Syria's ruling party told the New York Sun.

The Israeli Defense Forces are preparing for a simultaneous conflict this summer against Syria, Iran, and the terror groups Hezbollah, Hamas and al Qaeda, IDF sources have told Israeli newspapers. The conflict would be "at least 10 times worse" than last summer's clash between Israel and Hezbollah, an IDF source told the Jerusalem Post this week.

Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert offered to hold "unconditional" peace talks with Syria, but Syrian dictator Bashar Assad rejected his overture, Israeli army radio reported Tuesday (7/10).

"Bashar Assad apparently has other plans than making peace with Israel," Israeli public security minister Avi Dichter said.

Syria wishes to reassert control over Lebanon, which it occupied from 1976 until 2005, and to head off UN-imposed economic sanctions. But in the past Iran, the senior partner in their axis of evil, has imposed restraints on Syrian ambitions. Rising confidence and rising fear are changing the calculus in Tehran.

Poor Israeli performance in the war with Hezbollah last summer has inspired confidence the Jewish state can be beaten militarily.

Fear in Tehran that its nuclear weapons program could trigger economic sanctions from the UN or an air strike from the U.S. makes the mullahs there more inclined to roll the dice.

Unrest at home over a terrible economy also makes the mullahs eager to deflect the anger of Iranians away from themselves.

Iraqi security forces seized 200 explosive suicide belts in a truck that crossed from Syria into Iraq, an Interior Ministry spokesman said Wednesday (7/11).

Syria and Iran have abetted much of the violence in Iraq, a fact which those who insist what's happening there is a civil war resolutely ignore. But Syria and Iran soon may make it harder to deny that Iraq is but one front in a worldwide conflict.

New Day

2007-07-17T11:32:00.000-04:00

Well, one thing at a time, I guess. I wrote a long email to the parental units about everything. I haven’t heard from them, so I guess they either got it and read it and have disowned me, or they’re talking about it. We'll see.....

Cleaning House

2007-07-16T12:33:00.000-04:00

Just as the cleaning of a home brings a sense of order and peace to the resident, so cleaning the inside of my head brings a sense of order and peace to, well, me.

I am inherently mistrustful of things that happen too quickly. If it's fast, it's probably not done well or thoroughly, and it's probably going to need fixing again. However, when a train goes off the tracks, putting it back immediately is usually a successful endeavor.

Last week, I went off the tracks. So totally off the tracks that I blocked out certain things I had agreed to do. I even forgot an appointment I apparently agreed to last week that I was supposed to go to my aunt's and uncle's yesterday. My aunt called me last night asking if I was coming - I hadn't even remembered agreeing to go.

I told her I was very sorry - that I hadn't written it down, and so when I was looking at my calendar yesterday and Saturday, I didn't realize I was supposed to be there. I told her that I would bring dinner next time since I was the one that had totally messed up.

On one hand, I think she was ticked because she'd gone to a lot of trouble to fix a nice dinner both weeks (I didn't go last week either because I had just gotten back, and I didn't realize that she expected me the day I returned from a 12-hour drive - she did).

On the other hand, I think she was a little relieved that even 40-something year olds forget things like that. Plus, she was going to call my mom anyway to confirm when my mom is coming for her visit, so that was probably just as well.

And on that, I have started working on what happened the last time I was at my parents' house, and as far as the boundary problem, I decided that one healthy boundary I can set is to tell my mom that I am not going to listen to her complain about being married to Dad. I love them both, and while I recognize they both have imperfections, I will not listen to either one of them criticize or tear down the other one. Either deal with it between the two of them, or seek outside assistance from a qualified and trusted person, but do not dump that crap on me. There. That’s one.

The other things I decided I could do were 1) get a quiet time diary from the bible institute I attended back in 1983 (which I ordered today); and, 2) get involved in something specific at the church that I can commit to doing for at least a year, other than the choir.

The church I belong to has a library of its own, and I've always loved libraries. They were places of refuge and places from which to explore the world without leaving the comfort of my own place.

The lady who has been in charge of the church library for what is apparently a very long time needs help, especially since the last donation Sunday yielded a contribution for a computer system for the library. She can only see out of one eye, and she can't do the computer work for long without a break, so I volunteered to help her - not just with the computer stuff but with the library as well.

I learned how the card system works, and I learned that I can help with the cross-referencing and indexing of subject matter when they get the computer, which will help people who want to research a particular subject but don't know what is out there on what they want.

Since that's how my brain works, I thought that would be a good idea. At least for a year or so - I don't want to just jump in and out of things, but I also want to try different things and see where my talents are best used. The church also has a website, and I'd like to do something there, too, but I need to go slowly. There is nothing like agreeing to do too much too quickly to get a really bad case of burnout.......

If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother

2007-07-14T16:03:00.000-04:00

Yeah, about that....

My mother is coming to stay with me for a few days some time toward the end of July. She isn't coming to see me, exactly, especially since I just spent 4 days at the parental units' house around the 4th. She wants to come up for a visit herself and see my aunt (her sister) and then the two of them are going to visit the place where my aunt has scheduled the cousins' reunion for the cousins on their side of the family.

So, she's going to stay with me when she comes up here, and hopefully we'll get to spend some time together. There are things to be said, and I'm going to have to think through what I want to say to her before she gets here, while at the same time, being prepared for things to be totally off-kilter. Or, for her to decide she can't come after all. Or who knows what.

OK, Where Was I?

2007-07-14T15:57:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the recent crisis. I kind of imploded a bit with all of the stress, and considering the amount of stress that had piled up, deleting my blog was probably the best self-destructive choice on the menu if such a choice had to be made at all. Which it did.

I've had a few deep breaths, I've had chocolate, and while Blogger must have heard of the impending break-up, it's decided to forgive me a little. I have been able to recover 1/4 to 1/2 of my blog posts (although in no particular order), and I will try to put things back to normal as soon as I can.

While I'm on that subject, I know some people have moved from Blogger to other host services (why does that sound so parasitic?). Those of you who have moved from Blogger to another service, what do you think of your new host?

A Word or Two Before I Go....

2007-07-02T18:47:00.000-04:00

Yep. I'm bugging out of here tomorrow at 5:00-ish - heading south for a long weekend with the fam.... CAN'T WAIT!

Just wanted to let those of you know who have held my hand (figuratively speaking) through the agony of refinancing hell, I decided not to go through with it.

Turns out, with the adjustment, the new payment amount versus the one I would get if I refinance, are only $7.00/month different. Yes, that's right: $7.00 a month. On top of that, the total mortgage amount would be $2,000 or so higher because of the refinance costs that would be rolled in.

So here's the real deal: not only would I not get a significant break on my monthly payment by refinancing, but I also would end up owing more over the life of the loan with a higher rate adjustment cap than I currently have, AND I would have to pay longer.

They wanted to do this as a 40-year overall mortgage, with 5 years until the next adjustment and a 3-year prepayment penalty period. I have just completed the 2-year prepayment penalty period on the loans I took out to buy this place in the first place. My adjusted interest rate for the first 6-month adjustment period is actually less than the new rate would be if I refinanced.

Granted, there are some unknowns. I do not know, for example, how much the rate will increase in February of 2008. I also do not know how much property values are going to fluctuate over the next several months to a year or two, if the overall payment gets to be too much.

But, I know that with the current loan documents, I am at least safer for the next six months than I would have been had I refinanced. The rate adjustment cap in the new package is 2.00% greater than the rate adjustment cap in the existing package, which I wouldn't have known had I not seen the loan documents - which they refused to send me until the day before the scheduled closing!!

I don't know what to tell people who don't already have mortgages, but with so many lenders selling their real estate mortgage portfolios to secondary market investment buyers, I can only say, read everything twice, ask questions, and don't sign anything until you do!! You can always say "no." If you're buying instead of refinancing, it might cost you some money in the short run, but it's better to lose a little up front than to lose a lot over the long haul.

Have a very safe and happy Independence day!! :)

The Jesus Meme

2007-06-28T08:36:00.000-04:00

Lynn, from Spilling Ink In Public, allowed me to "tag" myself with the Jesus meme, on which she posted and made some pretty good observations. The point of the meme is to post five things that I dig about Jesus, so here goes:

1. He shares my burdens and my grief. I Pet. 5:7 - "Casting all of your anxiety upon Him, for He cares for you."

2. He loves me so much He died for me. John 3:16 - "God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, and whoever believes on Him will not perish but have everlasting life," and Ephesians 3:19 - "...the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge..." and Ephesians 5:1 -"live in love, just as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God," and I John 4:19 - "We love, because He first loved us."

3. He came back from the dead and brought me eternal life. John 11:25-26 - "Jesus said to her, " I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die."

4. He gave me the right be a child of God. John 1:12 - "But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name."

5. He stands up for me. I John 2:1-2 - "if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; and He Himself is the propitiation (the atoning sacrifice) for our sins; and not for ours only, but also for those of the whole world."

6. He controls the wind and the sea. Matthew 14:25-33 - During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

(That was an extra!!)

I liked how Lynn did this - if you want to participate, you can tag yourself in the comments, and then just let us know you're going to post. Cool idea!! :)

Licensed to Snark

2007-06-27T18:35:00.000-04:00

I'm in serious danger of committing assault with a deadly smart-mouth, so I thought I would share with you, instead of the individual I should share this with.

Thanks to Kim, at Hiraeth, I found this video clip of a DUI stop which I found so hilarious, I almost wet my pants:

No, it wasn't real; it was from a comedy show called Reno 911. Which it says on the caption of the video when you go to YouTube.com. The point was, I had already committed one glaring smart-mouth offense yesterday involving a "reply all" that I should have just "replied."

Out of gratitude for the people who didn't let me sit too long with egg on my face, I sent them this video, thinking that it was just a funny video - i.e., not caring if it was real or not, only that it was funny. [Plus, it says right on the webpage the link directs you to that it's from Reno 911 - duh!]

Mr. Same Know-It-All responded to this olive branch with: "You do realize this is from a comedy TV show, right? Not a real stop? Just making sure…."

ARGGGHHHH! I wanted - oh, so badly wanted! - to respond with "and one wonders why you're still single, Radar...." But I didn't. I wanted to, but I didn't. Particularly since I am not the office politician in anyone's office, and you should never snark the hands that might pull you out of the muck one day.

Still......

Update - Mission: Truly Impossible?

2007-06-26T16:54:00.000-04:00

Well, it was as I suspected. This is the corporate response:

"Thank you for taking the time to share your comments with us regarding the selection at our J.Jill retail stores. Please be assured that it was not our intent to slight any of our customers with our product selection. We do offer a service that allows you to order online through the concierge desk at the retail store, if your size or style is not available. Any in-store sales and promotions can also be applied to these orders. We look forward to the opportunity of serving your needs in the future. Should you require further assistance, please contact us via email at customerservice@jjill.com or call us at 1-800-343-5700, Monday through Saturday, 7:00 am to 11:00 pm EST."

Guys have it good – pants are in the right waist size and leg length, even if those measurements aren’t “ordinary.” They can buy shirts in neck sizes and sleeve lengths to fit, and they can get suit coats/blazers that actually fit (even if they have to be altered). When I’ve gone with my dad when he’s been suit shopping, the sales people look through what they have to fit him, and they apologize and go nuts if they aren’t able to find something that will work (he used to be 6’ 6” tall, but he’s shrunk a bit as he’s aged).

When women shop, the attitude is that if nothing fits, it’s your fault for not being able to wear the clothes. I often wonder how much women’s clothing standards would change if men had to wear pants that were too short, sleeves that were too short, darts/tailoring that was too high or too low, and then (even after you had alterations done), the garment only lasted one, maybe two, years – at the same price.

Even this email response holds the same veiled assessment: you can order through the catalog "if your size or style is not available." Why can't stores sell clothes that fit people instead of having a massive amount of junk that they end up having to put on clearance in order to shift?

Mission: Impossible

2007-06-26T14:21:00.000-04:00

[Cue music from TV show - DUN-DUN-da-da-DUN-DUN-da-da-DADADA....]

Partridge Creek Mall (Clinton Township, Michigan) is opening a J. Jill store. In case you don't know or haven't heard of J. Jill, they carry clothes for tall women - IN THEIR CATALOG!! - as do Eddie Bauer and Land's End.

Eddie Bauer is also opening a store in this mall; Land's End decided to open "boutique" sections in your local Sears. Neither of them has ever had a tall section for women in their stores/"boutiques", and their sales people are almost snotty about it. I should also point out that BOTH retailers maintain a nice "petite" section for women. But I digress.

Since this will be a brand new store in a brand new mall, and the possibility exists that since they haven't had a retail store in this area before, they might be inclined to listen to people who would actually shop there, I thought I would start the campaign now to see if they will put a tall section in their new store.

So.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to email J. Jill (you can email them online via their website at http://www.jjill.com/), and ask them to consider including a tall section in their new store.

FYI, there is one - yes, that's right, only ONE!! - store that handles clothes for tall women in this area. It's one of those "Tall Girl" shops (that's the actual name), but the selection is terrible with respect to any career clothes.* They carry "resort wear" style casual items, and a few suits and suit separates, but the quality is not very good for what they charge for it.

Anyway, that's my mission, too. I've already emailed them, and if you don't mind doing a good deed for those of us who can never find pants, tops, suits, jackets or skirts that fit properly, you can, too.

This post will self-destruct in 30 seconds. Good luck.

*Footnote: I once inquired at a local Mervyn's if they had any more professional clothes. When the sales girl pointed me to a section full of low-cut and clingy tops, short/tight skirts, and low-rise, too-tight-fitting pants, I said, "That's not the profession I had in mind, but thanks....." She didn't get it.

Happiness is a warm puppy.....

2007-06-23T11:10:00.000-04:00

My darling dog is laying patiently on the floor in my office next to my chair. I came in so I could get caught up on the stuff I didn't do because I was stressed about the refinance, and he came along, just glad that Mama took him with her instead of leaving him in the house by himself all day like she usually does. He just was outside to be a good puppy, and he's gotten one of the treats out of the Kong toy (that goes EVERYwhere with us), and now he's sleeping.

What did I do to deserve such a great friend?

[Psst! He doesn't know it yet, but we're going to a local d-o-g-p-a-r-k after Mama finishes her work..... :) Don't tell him!!]

Sisyphus Speaks

2007-06-20T18:54:00.000-04:00

Ever have a day when you just don't want to care anymore? I know that I'm going to do a good job, because that's what I do, but in the back of my head is a three-year-old stomping her feet and saying "but I don't WANT to do this anymore! I want to play with the puppy!"

I added my hours for the month (to date) and subtracted the total from what I would need to put in to make up the amount of time I am behind for the year thus far, and yes, I will make it if I bill as many hours per month for the rest of the year as I am on track to have this month if I keep plugging along like I've been doing.

But my life for the rest of the year won't seem like it's worth living.

My 300th Post

2007-06-19T19:04:00.000-04:00

WHOO-HOO!! 300!! (Um, wait - that means I've spent how much time blogging that I can never get back???) :)

Part of the reason I haven't been posting as much is that I’m discouraged right now. Aside from the work issues, a big part of that is my current refinance thing.

Short version of this story: I screwed up. I should not be allowed to play Monopoly, let alone participate in commerce. I'm great at figuring out how to get out of stuff, but not at all good at how to do it right the first time. (Note to self: remind Mom that she was wrong all those time she told me that if I spent half as much time doing things instead of trying to get out of them, I would be much more productive. If I'd listened to her, I wouldn't be as good at my job as I am now.)

Long version: when I bought my condo, I got an 80/20 loan package which allowed me to purchase the property since I had ZERO money to put down. The first mortgage was supposed to be at a fixed rate, and the second was supposed to be an ARM. I made the mistake of using lendingtree.com, and chose a company that I thought I could trust because they were local (I couldn't) and that I thought would keep the loan in-house (they didn't).

My first mortgage was at 7.100% - high for 2 years ago, but the lowest rate I could get at the time. I thought that with the way housing prices were going up, if I didn't buy soon, I would never be able to buy because I would always be behind. Plus, I had the upstairs neighbors from hell with no help at all from the property management company I was renting from.

First of all, the company I found through lendingtree.com didn't even give me the loan documents to review until the day I was supposed to close - and this, after I'd already put the closing over once because of their delays. I did not see any of the loan papers until I was at the closing table with the van out in the parking lot because the movers had already arrived to start packing things up.

Second, the loan package was written backwards from what the guy told me - instead of having a fixed rate loan on the first and an ARM on the second, it was an ARM on the first and a fixed on the second. Maybe that's the only way they do them, but if he'd told me that up front, I wouldn't have done the loan. I am not, after all, a complete idiot. Inexperienced at how these things work, but not an idiot.

Anyway, my ARM was only locked in for 2 years. Then, it adjusts upward by, like, 3.5% - YIPE. Because there was a prepayment penalty if I'd refinanced sooner (and because I didn't have the money to pay those costs), I waited until the prepayment penalty period was almost over.

As you might have realized, the Michigan housing market (not to mention the economy - thank you, Jennifer Granholm!), has pretty much bottomed out in the 2 years since I bought my condo. I feel like the kid playing musical chairs who's running around looking for a seat only to find that there aren't any left.

So, now I’m stuck with either a changed payment amount that will kick in when the ARM adjusts (translating to an increase in my mortgage payment of about $300), or the adjusted payment terms the lender will give me to refinance everything. Not being made of or married to money, I am pretty much a hostage to whatever I can get.

Now, it seems that the guy handling the refinance - which they laughingly call a "streamline" - seems to be pissed at me because I don't want a prepayment penalty for an undisclosed period of time, since I’ve already had a prepayment penalty period that kept me from refinancing to a lower rate when property values were still fairly solid, and since I made my mortgage payments on time every single month for the last 2 years.

It’s all fine and well and good for him to be pissed – it’s not his mortgage or his life that will be disrupted.

Anyway, I talked with this guy at a company I should have gone with in the beginning - everything he told me 3 years ago checked out (STILL kicking myself over not going back to him) - and he said that I’m doing all the right things. I just have to ride this out and see where I am when the property values rebound.

I’m just so tired.

This is really what the curse is all about: sweat and labor to eke out any kind of life, and you can’t let down your guard for an instant, because all around you, there are plenty of people poised to take it away from you. If it isn’t mortgage scalpers, it’s taxing authorities or thieves. Not that there is much difference among them...

Weekend Remnants

2007-06-18T11:22:00.000-04:00

Benjamin asks some good existential questions. He sometimes gets the answers wrong, but he’s asking the right questions. The most recent one (June 17) involves adventures in decorating. I feel his pain, although I'm doing my decorating solo. I'm almost there but not quite. I have some really nice things in my place, but I haven't figured out how to tie it all together.

My cousin and her husband (who have more money than almost anyone else I know) just redecorated two of their bathrooms. I honestly don't know how many bathrooms they have, but it is enough that the master bathroom and the powder room inside the front door were both under construction at the same time, and with four people in the house, no one died. Both places look beautiful. I now feel inspired to put white crown molding in my powder room that I just painted Ralph Lauren "light sky" - it might be overkill, but who cares.

Our choir director at church is going to her ENT today. I don’t know her that well, but I keep thinking about her – I can’t imagine how it feels to be reduced to speaking in a whisper as a grown-up. I had laryngitis regularly when I was younger, but after we moved to South Dakota, I didn’t have any more trouble with my throat. I had migraines, chronic sinusitis, and other maladies, but not laryngitis.

She said that the last time she had this kind of problem, it was a lesion on her vocal chords. She’s hoping that this time, it’s just gook. Me, too.

Time Flies

2007-06-18T10:24:00.000-04:00

Wow. I just realized it had been over a week since I posted anything. I hate when that happens!

I wish I could say that it was because I was having a great time, but that's not the case. Work interferes in ways that I can't always control or predict, and it felt like I was doing very well to just read what was going on in other people's lives.

We had a practice group meeting Wednesday – the attorneys were asked to stay after, because Managing Partner had a bone to pick with everyone about their time. One of the others had something to say as well.

Apparently, the firm has written off a total of $300K+ this year, compared to $60K as of about the same time. Plus, the amount of time billed is 1000 hours less for the same time period from last year. Which is a bad thing. That amounts to about $450K down from the same time period last year, and they can’t afford to do that. Nobody can.

Since those of us who aren’t billing attorneys don’t have any information about what gets written down, it was a surprise to us, but supposedly the one guy was going to sit down with each of us and talk about it. I haven’t seen/heard from him all week, so I’m just keeping my head down.

The fun part was, Managing Partner sniped at me in front of the whole group because I had only billed 110 hours last month. I told him that I had gone to one of the guys who has been complaining that he's overloaded 2 or 3 weeks ago to ask for work and I never heard back. Short of parking my behind on his desk, I didn't have any other options.

Apparently, other attorneys in the room were stung for me – one guy called another attorney after the meeting, because she wasn’t there, and he said that Managing Partner had done that but that I’d refuted his charge well. One of my other friends said I looked like I was still upset by it, but that it was good that I was “soldiering on.”

I didn’t want to say anything to them about it, but as far as I was concerned, Managing Partner’s comment only made him look bad himself. I don’t know what he thought he would accomplish by doing that – if he thought I would get emotional in front of everyone or get in his face or make excuses or whatever, he underestimated me greatly.

For some reason, I keep thinking about that story about the bird who fell out of the tree into the snow in the dead of winter. The bird was almost frozen to death when a bull pooped on it. The poop warmed the bird up, and he began to sing. A passing cat heard the singing, dug the bird out of the poop and ate it. Moral: Not everyone who puts you in shit is your enemy; not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend; and, when you’re in deep shit, for heaven’s sake, don’t sing!

I’ve gotten good reports from other people – the one friend has been so cool about giving me good feedback, and another guy was over the moon about that appeal brief and the job I did on a motion hearing (without any complaining, thank you very much). This other partner, too, is good about telling me when I do a good job.

The thing is, I think that with some people, the fact that I don’t mix with others can send a message that I’m not as good as they are. I’m just not that type of person – I keep my mouth shut and I do my work. I’ve had people bigger and more powerful than the Managing Partner yell at me in front of more people, and it just doesn’t rattle me. I’ve gone nose to nose with my dad and my oldest brother – these guys are pipsqueaks compared to either one of them.

I still remember that one New Year’s Eve that my parents went out and my oldest brother and I were home. My parents had 2 boxer puppies at the time, and my brother started squirting the dogs while they were locked up in their cage. He refused to stop until/unless I listened to something he wanted me to listen to. We ended up fighting, and even though I ended up with muscle strain and PTSD afterwards, I didn’t give up. You can say whatever you want about the intelligence of that, but not many people will take on a soldier – let alone a Marine – over something like that. (The good news was, while he was dealing with me, he wasn’t tormenting the dogs).

Anyway, that’s why I say, I’ve dealt with bigger and more powerful bullies than him.

The funny thing was, I was walking my dog at lunchtime, and all I could think of was that song from the 1940s – “Ven der Fuehrer says, "Ve iss der master race," Ve HEIL! [phlebth!] HEIL! [phlebth!] Right in der Fuehrer's face! Not to luff der Fuehrer iss a great disgrace, So Ve HEIL! [phlebth!] HEIL! [phlebth!] Right in der Fuehrer's face!” Not something I want to spread around the office, but still highly amusing and destressifying.

So, now you're caught up. :)

Pricks

2007-06-10T19:03:00.000-04:00

There are days when I really miss the good ole days of the King James Version. A conversion the apostle Paul had in his conversion experience is set forth in the book of Acts (in the New Testament) like so:

"And he said, Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks."

Yes, I know. They didn't mean the same thing we mean when we use the word today. The same word is translated "goads" in the New King James version, and the entire comment is left out of the New American Standard and the New International version - apparently, some of the early manuscripts did not contain that comment.

Anyway, it was one of the fun things to do during the morning service when I was a kid: go through the Bible and find all the naughty bits. I read Genesis and Deuteronomy gleefully, looking for the cool stories, the prohibitions, the stuff proper people didn't discuss in the late 60s.

But I digress.

It took this morning's message to help make the connection about what I've been struggling with in terms of People I Don't Like, whether they're family or cow-orkers (oooo. sorry. "Co-workers"), and the connection had absolutely nothing to do with the message. However, the message did serve as a goad to a part of my brain that, thankfully, I wasn't using at the time, thereby allowing one of the pricks or goads to prod it to realize something it wouldn't have realized on its own.

The message this morning was about faith and works, and the connection I got out of it instead was that no matter what insanity is going on around me, I am not responsible for anyone but myself. Gotta hand it to my mom - whenever I would whine about how my sister (or brothers) got away with stuff, or how I shouldn't get in trouble because "she did [whatever]," my mom's response was always: "I don't care what she did. You just take care of you." [Completely unfair, but y'know, right on the money in terms of preparing me for real life!!]

I spent most of yesterday (beautiful day though it was) and this whole afternoon (also a beautiful day) getting my decks cleared at work for more stuff, and as I was whining and feeling quite sorry for myself and grousing about how so-and-so got this or that, I also sent emails to people from whom I have gotten good billable work before, because I really do like my job.

This morning, two of the three people I emailed sent replies telling me that they have work - one said to come see him on Monday. How cool is that! Here I was blubbering like a little kid about how somebody got my office and somebody is getting all the work I used to do and everybody else is going on these things and I'm not, when I only had to ask to be put back in the rotation. My favorite response was "perfect. let me see what is available."

"Ye have not because ye ask not." That's another one from the King James.

Pricks

2007-06-10T16:21:00.000-04:00

Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay.....

2007-06-09T16:24:00.000-04:00

I like it that the rest of that line is "....wastin' time."

This thing all things devours:
Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;
Gnaws iron, bites steel;
Grinds hard stones to meal;
Slays king, ruins town
And beats high mountain down.

Yes, it's from "The Hobbit."

My whole life I've felt that I'm either trying to catch up or moving too fast. If I can ever retire, I hope that I will not feel so out of sync with time.

I wrote earlier about the whole lawyer/time/billable hours thing. I realize now why I felt so stressed: I have done (almost) everything on my plate to do, and the work won't add up to enough time to meet the goals set for me by myself and others. I don't have enough work to do to justify my existence.

I'm a little ticked off, because on one hand, they (the powers that be) have hired not one but two new associates just in the last 8 months, one of which is worming her way into the environment like a fungus. Fortunately, the other one is studying for the bar exam, so I have a little time to change the landscape there, but I can't seem to do anything about the other one.

Remember when I wondered if the reason she was here was that I needed to witness to her? I've figured out that that isn't the reason. The reason is because she's like my sister in this one respect. She seems to believe that her own advent onto the scene means that anyone else who won't further her position is dispensible and irrelevant. She is here to replace anyone who a) isn't male, and b) doesn't have the connections she's looking for to advance her own career - for which she is going to ride on her father's coattails for as long as possible.

My sister's attitude was the same from the time we were children. She was the youngest - the baby, for about 5 years - so everything revolved around her, regardless of anyone else's needs. Notice, I didn't say "wants" but "needs." It was never a question of whether something she wanted should trump anyone else's wants - it never entered her mind (and still doesn't) that anyone else's needs were important to the extent that they interfered with her getting her own way (even over things that were not "needs").

This new one is just like her. I never learned to fight that in my own family and that's why this biatch is here now - so that I will learn.

New Stuff

2007-06-08T09:38:00.000-04:00

I updated the links and rearranged them on the side. Not for any reason, other than to add the new stuff, but there is one I had to add just because it made me laugh and still does - I Can Has Cheezburger. :) If you haven't already, check it out. This is a photo from the site that I had to copy and save:

Who could resist the cuteness?

Has to Be Said

2007-06-07T18:01:00.000-04:00

I like Ann Coulter as much for her entertainment abilities as her view on politics. She says what I would be thinking if I were that smart and informed. What she lacks in tact, she makes up for in accuracy. She had this to say in a recent column:

"...the natural state of the world is Darfur. The freakish aberration is America and the rest of the Anglo-Saxon world.

The British Empire once spread the culture of prosperity around the globe -- Judeo-Christian values, tolerance, equality, private property and the rule of law. All recipients of the British Empire's largesse benefited, but the empire's most successful colony was the United States."

You can read the rest of the article here. Today's column is really good, too.

And Now A Word From Our Sponsors.....

2007-06-06T18:04:00.000-04:00

OK, so they're not really sponsors, but I just wanted to mention the new ad on the sidebar.

It probably would come as no surprise that I am politically, socially, and financially conservative. Not that I don't have a heart; I just believe that, given the government's stupendous track record with anything it takes over, most things like charity, health care, etc., are better left to the private sector.

I don't think the government owes anyone health insurance, retirement benefits, or most of the other stuff that "people" (and by people I mean those on the left of the political landscape) say the government should provide. Socialism and communism failed in every country they've ever controlled - whereas privatization works.

Anywho, the reason I'm making this little announcement is because it looks like Fred Thompson is going to run for President in 2008. Of the candidates out there, I'm not sure if he is the best, from a conservative standpoint. However, I am fairly certain he stands the best chance of winning the election. Giuliani is too liberal a candidate, and McCain scares me. Romney isn't bad, but I don't think he could carry the conservative side - and none of them (other than possibly that sheriff in Aracopa County, AZ, who isn't running) has the right idea on immigration.

The worst thing I could envision for this country would be the election to the Oval Office of Hillary (and Bill - you know we'd get both of them), Obama or Edwards. Without a strong electable candidate on the other side, though, whoever makes it through the Democratic primary could take the election if the conservatives in this country can't pick a winning candidate.

It's a shame that we can't get someone more like Ron Paul or Howard Phillips or that doctor guy who is a part-time legislator in Colorado or someplace, but there are just too many people who have stopped thinking about what is best for the country as a whole. They want peace, they want what makes their own lives more comfortable, and frankly, they just want to be left alone. I don't blame them - I wish things were different, too. I just can't agree with them that not supporting the principles this country was founded on is the best way to go.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents. Back to regularly scheduled programming tomorrow, cuz I have work to do.

Summer Goals Meme

2007-06-06T18:03:00.000-04:00

Summer Goals:

1. Clean my house - really clean it, not just straighten,
2. Which will involve organizing the basement and throwing things out,
3. Going through the clothes I've accumulated and donating anything worthy of donating, but tossing the stuff I don't need/wear/haven't worn in a year, and
4. Thoroughly washing and airing all bedding items, including comforters and pillows.
5. Preparing for the Detroit Turkey Trot and New Year's Eve run. (I was going to say "runs", but that sounded a bit too excremental).
6. Having the brakes and serpentine belt replaced on my car.
7. Restoring the china cabinet I bought on eBay earlier this year.
8. Moving everything out of the existing china cabinet and into the new one.
9. Making a decision about whether I am going to sell the old dining room set, donate it (for the tax deduction), or keep it (and if so, where????).
10. Replace the vanity in my half bath - which has already been painted in a color that still makes me smile!!
11. Develop a workout that I will actually do regularly in furtherance of item #5.
12. Make (and keep) an appointment with a dentist for a cleaning.
13. Make (and keep) an appointment with my doctor for a physical.
14. Take all of the books I've weeded out of my book collection to a local hospital (except for 2 that I'm not sure should be out in the public, such as "The DaVinci Code" and "Purpose Driven Life").
15. Having at least one weekend a month of fun that is memorable enough to think back on and smile when it's winter and I'm bummed.

OK, that's my list. You're it - what's yours? :)

Category: Slacker Songs

2007-06-05T18:07:00.000-04:00

Not to rag on Sheryl Crow unnecessarily, but the category really requires mentioning that song from the early 90s called "All I Want To Do." You remember the one I'm talking about - Billy peels the labels off his bottles of Bud? Total slacker anthem. As is "Margueritaville," although I like that song. Sheryl Crow has another more recent song that follows the same pattern - "Soak Up The Sun." Catchy tune, slacker lyrics.

Other songs talk about leisure in a different way - as in, relief from the work day (like "It's Five O'Clock Somewhere" - which is a spin-off of "Margueritaville") - but it's the slacker-as-role that gets me. Maybe it's a function of my warped upbringing, but I just can't imagine a life in which I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do.

Procrastinating Leads To This......

2007-06-05T18:06:00.000-04:00

Today's word is "Cal•li•pyg•ian."

Pronunciation: "ka-l&-'pi-j(E-)&nVariant(s): also cal•li•py•gous /-'pI-g&s/
Function: adjective
Etymology: Greek kallipygos, from kalli- + pygE buttocks: having shapely buttocks.

Trying to avoid doing something I really don't want to do but have to do anyway, I glanced at an MSN article about Cameron Diaz's current concerns about the new romantic interest of her former flame, Justin Timberlake (about both of whom I normally would care nothing).

Apparently, Le Timberlake has the hots for Jessica Biel (?no idea who she is), who has been described as callipygian. Procrastinator that I am, I had to look up the word, since I'd never heard or seen it before, and voila! a new vocabulary word that I probably will never in my life have occasion to use.

Losing at Musical Chairs

2007-06-05T18:05:00.000-04:00

What a day!!

I was driving most of yesterday - best time I've had working in a long time, BTW - because I had to be in Flint at 9:00 a.m., in Saginaw by 11:00 a.m., and then in Battle Creek by 2:30 p.m. The first couple of legs of the trip weren't too bad; Battle Creek was a bit tricky, but that was because of road construction. All in all, not a bad day.

Plus, of the three hearings I attended yesterday, I won 2 of them. .667 is a pretty decent batting average..... :)

I'm saying this to distract myself from the current debate going on with my mortgage lenders..... When I bought my condo, I bought it with what's called an 80/20 loan, which means that I borrowed 100% of the purchase price. The stupid broker I dealt with told me that the prinicipal mortgage (i.e., first mortgage) would be a fixed rate loan, but the 2nd would be an ARM. I said "fine." Not great, but not really another way to do this.

I did not get the documents until the day of closing because of repeated delays on his part even though I'd told him that I needed to be out of my apartment by July 5. He kept telling me that the deal would be done the way he'd promised. When I got to the closing, I saw that he'd structured it backwards. Instead of having the ARM on the 2nd loan, the first loan was an ARM and the 2nd was a fixed rate mortgage. And, the fixed period was only for 2 years.

Since I'd had to give my notice at my apartment and had packed everything up already, I had no choice - either close as scheduled or be homeless. Knowing what I know now, I wish I'd taken everything to the nearest storage unit and waited, but this was my first purchase. I closed, moved in and went on.

Now that it's almost time for the ARM to adjust for the first adjustment, it's going to go up 3.4% - which means that my payment would jump from $758/month to $1,015/month.

My mortgage company is trying to work things out, but the 2nd mortgage being fixed is kicking everything to pieces. Since they're in a fairly secure position, they don't want to do what is called a subordination (which would put them back at 2nd place on the property) because the property may not be worth what is owed on it. If they subordinate (in the event of default), the first lender would get first crack at the property, including any proceeds. Even if they foreclosed, they would have a property subject to the 1st mortgage, which they wouldn't be able to sell.

So they've decided that if the property isn't worth what is owed on it, they would rather risk getting nothing than to subordinate their position, so they won't subordinate.

Which is to say that, in the game of real estate musical chairs, I might be without a seat.

UPDATE: I found an amendment to mortgage form and sent it to the guy at the 1st mortgage company. Bless his heart, he is going to ship it to his underwriter. Maybe I'll even get a new client out of this deal!! :)

More Slacking

2007-05-31T19:42:00.000-04:00

Category: Slut Songs

2007-05-29T18:08:00.000-04:00

OK, don't ask me why this whole subject is even going through my head, but did you ever listen to the lyrics of songs and think, "what were they thinking?"

I give you, Category: Slut Songs. Today's entry: "All I Want To Do Is Make Love To You," by Heart.

Look at the lyrics - this woman is married to... OK, she's in love with one man, and she seeks out some random stranger with whom to have sex so that she can have a baby... THAT SHE CAN RAISE WITH THE OTHER MAN. She tells the stranger not to try to find her - he'll live in her memory 4ever!

How is that a romantic song?

And what about that duet with Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow? They're apart for "three d*** nights," and already they are both in bed with other people? AND STILL PINING FOR THE ONE WHOSE PICTURE THEY PUT AWAY!!

If you know others, please share. I know I've heard other songs and thought the same thing, but I can't think of them right know. If I can remember them, I will post them. If not, maybe tomorrow's category will be "Slacker Songs." Sheryl Crow comes to mind for that one, too..... :)

UPDATE:

The discussion about Kid Rock reminded me of another "slut song" - his little "Follow Me" is a classic "slut song": "I'm not worried about that ring you wear 'cause as long as no one knows then nobody can care?" YIKES!!

Sad Coincidences

2007-05-29T18:07:00.000-04:00

I was on my way back to the office after a court appearance this afternoon, when Elton John's "Candle in the Wind" came on the radio.

It struck me that both Marilyn Monroe and Diana, Princess of Wales, were 36 years old when they died. Both died in August. Both died under suspicious circumstances. Both were memorialized by the same melody and many of the same words sung by the same singer (Elton John).

What's also weird is that my cousin was born on the same date as Diana, and her mother (my aunt) was born about a year after Marilyn Monroe. Granted, not spine-pricklingly coincidental but still a trifle weird, IMO.

RTFM

2007-05-24T18:09:00.000-04:00

Well, part of my recent mood swinging may indeed be hormonal..... I know. Just what you wanted to read right now. Sorry if you were eating - NOT! :)

What sucks is that my mother and my grandmother and my maternal aunt all had hysterectomies before they were my age. My grandmother is deceased anyway, so barring a seance (which I wouldn't try), I couldn't ask her, but still. My mom's answer to the questions about "changes" in certain otherwise fairly regular events was, "Well, I don't know what to tell you - I had a hysterectomy before I was your age, so I don't know..... You should make an appointment with your doctor and get a check up. You really should have them once a year...."

DUH.

My aunt had a total hysterectomy at age 35 or 36 (I think - I either wasn't born or was only a baby). She had been diagnosed with breast cancer, and in those days (i.e., the 1960s), they did a radical mastectomy, total hysterectomy, and chemo and radiation. She is still around some 40+ years later, but I think her recollection of the care and maintenance of lady parts is probably a little outdated.

At age 31 or so, my mom had to have an ovarian cyst removed because it had ruptured, but she went on to give birth to my youngest brother a few years after that. The hysterectomy was when she was maybe 42. Her attitude, from what I recall, was "whew!" Again, not helpful.

Where is the freakin' manual when you need one?????

Rumplestiltskin

2007-05-23T18:11:00.000-04:00

The words to the song "How to Save a Life" have been running through my head all afternoon. Maybe if I give them another place to continue playing, I can think about the fourteen things I have to do this afternoon before I leave:

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life.

Not sure why I'm being haunted by these words, now that I look at them in the light. It reminds me of the fairy tale Rumplestiltskin in that when the girl held captive to spin straw into gold finally called her captor by his name, he lost his power over her and disappeared. Maybe looking at the words robs them of their power to hold me?

Probably true of other things, too.

Same Old, Same Old

2007-05-22T18:12:00.000-04:00

One of the things that annoys me about reading or listening to other people's work is when I know I'm hearing a rehash of something they've done before. It isn't (necessarily) that it wasn't that good the first time, or that the subject isn't worthwhile. It's that if you're going to present something to someone else (or lots of someone elses), at least try to look at it with fresh eyes - to find something new in the subject that is worth exploring.

It's harder in some fields than others. I can do a motion or a complaint or a brief on an issue that is pretty much the same as the one I did on the same or a similar issue in a different case. I get that sometimes, there is little use in reinventing the wheel. By the same token, if I'm reading or hearing the same product from the same person over and over, I start to wonder if the writer or speaker has any other ideas - original ones, that is.

What about other times, though? Is it enough to do what you've already done repeatedly/ successfully/regularly? By "enough", I mean in the sense of completeness, pleasure in a job well-done, or satisfaction. I'm beginning to believe that the true ability of staying the course has to originate in learning how to keep things fresh and new. The only question is how.

C.S. Lewis said, in the Screwtape Letters, that humans have a dread of "the same old thing." I think he made a very good point. I'll have to go back and read that book again to find out. That's one of the things I mean about finding something fresh and new about even the same thing over and over - if it's really good and if you look, you can see something you didn't see before that makes it meaningful or special every time you look at it or listen to it.

Update on Joy

2007-05-21T18:13:00.000-04:00

Just got a call from my mom. There is a family in their church that has recently started attending. They have seven kids and not a lot of money. The short version is that the home they had been living in (I think they were renting) got sold out from under them, so they had to find housing fairly quickly. The housing issue was resolved because another couple (unrelated to them) were going through a divorce and trashed their house.

As a result, this couple with the 7 kids was able to get something relatively inexpensively that needed a lot of work but not a lot of money. No appliances, though, including no refrigerator. Turned out, they were keeping their food in styrofoam containers - efficient enough but expensive because ice is so expensive.

An appliance dealer in town was made aware of the need and the opportunity to participate in a blessing - here's the cool part: his immediate response was, what do you need. He gave - GAVE!! - this family in need a scratch and dent refrigerator, brand new, out of his store. They just loaded it on the truck and took it over there.

A) How amazing God is!! He puts people who have together with people who don't have and meets needs in ways that allow others to share in His work.

B) How cool is it that God not only allows other people to share in His work and receive the blessing that comes along with it, but when people hear about it, they praise God for His provision.

C) How interesting it is that there are people out there like this guy with the appliance shop who have enough to share what they have with others as to God. I know if I had the resources to share with other people, my biggest temptation would be to do it out of my own strength and resources! Instead of God getting the honor and glory for the work, I would - not necessarily from other people, although that would be a danger, too, but in my own head.

What makes this truly cool is Kim's quote of the week that I posted earlier today - about pride. It isn't about the things or about the ability to do for other people; it's about an attitude of the heart in whatever state we're in, and that is from God.

Anyway, just had to share the good news - thanks to God for His mercy and provision, and for His demonstration of His love and care!!

Joy Comes in the Morning

2007-05-21T09:54:00.000-04:00

Kim, at Hiraeth, has this "quote of the week" on her sidebar:

Grace has always seemed like an insult to the natural man. It cannot seem other wise since its principle design is to mortify the pride of man and display the glory of Christ. The grace of God which brings salvation does not look for righteousness from the sinner, but gives it to him. Grace is more than an objective fact presented to man; it is a subjective experience wrought by the Holy Spirit within the recipient.

W. E. Best, Studies in the Person and Work of Jesus Christ (emphasis original to the text).

That concept - that righteousness comes as a gift from God - goes against what we are told in our culture. We all have value, yes. We all have strengths and talents, of course. But the glorying in - the talking about our own righteousness as if we'd accomplished it ourselves is the pride.

I read something recently (I can't remember where) that in some other cultures, when a baby is born, the parents do not exclaim over how adorable the child is or how blessed they feel about the new arrival. Instead, they declare loudly and repeatedly how ugly and unworthy the child is, how the baby is another burden for them, etc. The explanation for this was that if they rejoiced in the baby, the gods (or fates or whatever) would be angry and jealous, and they would curse the child and the family because of their good fortune.

As Christians, we have a God who calls us to joy. He calls us to thanksgiving and to abundant life. We don't get any benefit from denying our enjoyment of the good things that come to us in this life; God wants us to find our joy in Him as the source of those good things.

The joy that comes from God isn't the "happiness" that we see in the world; it's deep and abiding joy. I wonder sometimes if "happiness" isn't the cheap substitute for real joy, and whether it wouldn't be better to be honestly sorrowful or grieved than to follow that social mandate to always be "happy."

Anyway, I said all of that to say that, in the however-long-it's-been since I started blogging, I've gotten to know people (some I've met but most I haven't) who have demonstrated grace and friendship and true "coming alongside" to share in a way that makes me more eagerly await heaven.

Some of the things that have been coming to the surface in my life over the past few months have been challenging for me, and I've written about them here, rather than in private, because I've seen people respond with compassion and love. Those people have helped more than they know, and with the sharing of burdens there is a desire to also share joy. Today is a day with joy.

What am I here for?

2007-05-19T18:17:00.000-04:00

After all of the yammering about this or that event, the really troublesome issue comes out to this: If all of the things I thought my life was going to be and involve turn out to be wrong turns or detours, what really is my purpose?

Catechism's answer: The chief end of man is to glorify God and to serve Him forever.

That's a fine answer, but what is the practical outworking of that? How do I do that? I mean, it's a generic, ivory-tower concept - does that mean eschewing everything connected with the material world and devoting myself to good deeds like Mother Theresa or going to a mission field someplace far away, or what? I don't think so. Not that those aren't good things, but I haven't felt that call on my life.

Does it mean working day in and day out to achieve debt-free living? Still a good idea, but then what? What do you do when (OK, for me that is still an "if") you get all of your bills paid off, even the student loans and the mortgages? Then what?

I don't have children - which is probably a good thing in my case - and I'm of about the same mind about children as I am about missions: good idea, but not for me. There was a time I felt differently, but honestly, at 43 (and a half) years old, I'm too tired for children!

What is there about making a life worthwhile? 'Cuz here's the thing: other people may be content to just go through their lives working and paying bills and doing whatever they do, but I'm not used to that. There always has to be more, for me anyway.

When I moved here, in the back of my head, there was this thought that maybe living here on my own was the set of circumstances and attitude changes that would bring the One I'm Supposed To Spend The Rest Of My Life With into my life, and I'd meet him, get married, settle down, and live the life I was really supposed to be living. I would never have admitted that - not even at gunpoint - but that's what is supposed to happen, right? Single, getting to that age, find someone, etc. That's the script.

That was one part of the reasons behind my purchase of a residence - because, after all, who takes a 30-something (at that time) year old woman seriously unless she owns real estate? If she's just renting, she's either a gold-digger or she's hopelessly inept, financially, and not a good prospect. These days, we women have to be not only attractive, slender, and modest-but-with-sensual-potential, but we also have to have our financial s*** together. (The other part was that I needed to move due to Neighbors From Hell living upstairs, renting was as expensive as buying, and I only wanted to move once).

Except it didn't happen. None of it. The one I thought might be either the One or someone through whom I might meet the One not only turned out to be neither, he turned out to be nothing like I'd thought he would be (and now he's marrying someone else - who is divorced and has two kids already: the instant family concept).

None of the choices I've made to get where I ended up seem at all in line with what I wanted my life to be like in the four years it's been since I made this move in the first place. All things being equal, my life is at least half over, and I'm still not sure what I'm doing with it.

As of right now, I'm pretty well into screwing up my job - I have a certain amount of billable hours I need to put in to justify my continued existence. As of today, I'm far enough behind that I don't even know how far behind I am - except, I'm pretty sure I would have to bill (not work, bill) 200 hours a month to get caught up by the end of the year. If that isn't self-destruction in action, I don't know what is.

The struggle there, though, is why am I doing this anyway? I'm doing the same thing - at which I do not completely suck, which is always good to know - for more money than I've ever made in my life. The money I make pays my bills (or it would if I didn't keep spending more than I can afford). I joined the church I was talking about and started with choir practice on Wednesday night.

So why do I feel like chucking it all in the can and starting over?

Still shell-shocked

2007-05-18T18:18:00.000-04:00

Today is a little better. I’m still sad, and I’m still a little hurt, but I feel like I have a little more perspective on it. It could just be that the family decided they wanted the service to be just for family. I can understand that – they might also include anyone at her church who was close to her, while I hadn’t seen her in three and a half years (even though I'd written to her monthly for how long now....). I can do my own thing as far as closure and remembering her life in a way that helps me, and that will be OK.

The only thing is, I feel like I did – how many years ago? – when I had a similar experience with someone else. I hadn’t seen it coming at all, and then wham! Both situations came down to someone treating me as if I wasn’t worth their time for even the smallest courtesy - the whole "not-talking-to-you" thing is very immature, but it works. All I could do the last time was to withdraw to my own “safe zone” and wait until I felt healed enough to venture back out into the world. That’s how I feel now – fragile and stretched beyond what I can cope with on my own. I want to go home and cry, and I can't.

Better out than in

2007-05-17T18:18:00.000-04:00

I wasn't sure about whether to talk about this or not, but being "a bear of very small brain," I decided it was better to get it out than keep it in.

This lady who is the last of a group of friends from 50-some years ago passed away April 9. Out of respect for the friendship she and her husband had with my grandparents, I stayed in touch with her after my grandparents both died and after her husband died. She wasn't alone, really. Her sons and their wives all retired and lived close by. They visited regularly and made sure she had everything she needed. I just stayed in touch because I'd always thought of her and her husband as my spare grandparents.

When she died earlier this year, her daughter-in-law called me to tell me that she had passed and that they hadn't planned when they were going to do the memorial service. She wanted to be cremated, so that was accomplished, but the family wanted a memorial service to celebrate her life, and they hadn't worked out the date yet because of everyone's schedules. She said she'd let me know when. They were still working on the obituary for the local paper here in Michigan, even though she died in another state, because there would be people here that knew her, etc.

Flash-forward 5 weeks, and the notice went in the paper May 16. The obituary finally was amended to add a photo on the local funeral home's website and the local paper in the state where she died was also amended. The date for the memorial service is this Saturday, May 19, which is not enough time for me to make plans to go, if I was planning to attend.

While I understand that the family may want this to be a private service, the daughter-in-law told me she would let me know. She didn't. I didn't get a call, a note, nothing. The only reason I found out was because I looked in the paper under the death notices and saw it there.

The thing is, it's OK that the connection I had to this family is gone - the grandparents were my grandparents' best friends for many years, and my grandfather always thought of the other man as his brother. They took vacations together, they prayed for each other, they were family.

It just hurts that no one told me, when the daughter-in-law said she would. This is the same woman that sent me their family Christmas newsletter I wrote about earlier, telling me that her son was getting married, so I trusted her to tell me what was going on, even if they had decided to just have the service for the family.

I tried to talk to my parents about it, but they just get bitter and snide, and I don't want that. I just want to express my own hurt about the situation without causing pain to anyone else, and then I can move forward.

Thanks, BTW, for listening.

From the sublime to the ridiculous

2007-05-16T18:23:00.000-04:00

It feels like the “hungry monster” has taken over my body – actually, it’s both the “hungry monster” and the “buying monster.” I want to go someplace and buy dinner – a nice dinner that includes a baked potato, some form of meat that is properly cooked (in other words, juicy and flavorful) and not reheated in a microwave, really good macaroni and cheese, and brownie with nuts and thick chocolate frosting.

Then, I want an iPod and/or a new cell phone. If I get just the cell phone, I want one that plays music and downloads stuff from the Internet and lets me email back and forth. I also want someone to download songs onto it, because I don’t know how to do this since I don’t already have one.

I also want all new clothes – yes, I would prefer that they be in a smaller size and that I would actually be able to fit into a smaller size, but I don’t really care right now. I want shoes that don’t have holes in the soles (or have to go someplace for half-soles where they will disappear for a week).

I want a new car that doesn’t have mismatched interior seats or peeling paint on the windshield wiper arms. I want one that has the logo/trim stuff intact – no missing grille trim, thank you. It has to have a CD player – or mp3 player (whichever is easier to deal with) – and all new clean stuff – it should also be self-vacuuming/cleaning, while I’m at it.

I don’t want my joints to start aching, and I’d like the pin in my wrist to stop hurting now – the rain is gone, and I don’t need the warning.

Most of all, I want my house to be clean when I walk in the door. I want the carpets vacuumed, the dishes done, the dust removed from all surfaces, the walls washed, the floors really clean, and the clutter gone. I want junk mail to dissolve into smoke when it hits my mailbox so that I don’t have to dispose of it when I get the mail. I want the furniture in my house to look pulled together – like the design was intended, instead of just happening on its own.

I want clean clothes, clean sheets, and fresh towels every morning. I want a clothes chute in my bathroom upstairs, so that I can put the dirty stuff in there and it will go straight to the laundry room in the basement. I want clean mirrors, clean vanities in the bathrooms, and clean tile that does not get grunge in the grout.

While I’m at it, I want a new house – with an attached garage and maintenance. And, I want someone home when I get home – someone who asks about my day (or vice versa – if it’s a he and he’s out making a nice living to support all of the stuff I’ve already mentioned), and who cares about me. I want a fenced yard for Tanner to run in, with trees and squirrels and birds. So there. Too.

Sometimes, I just have to say these things. It doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for what I have, or that I don’t understand there are people in the world who can’t sleep because bombs are going off around them, or that what I eat in a day could feed a family of four for a week in some countries. It’s not that at all. It’s just that every now and then, my inner 3-year-old gets cranky, and this is what I feel like.

Finally Home - Jerry Falwell (1933-2007)

2007-05-15T18:24:00.000-04:00

"But just think of stepping on shore and finding it heaven, of touching a hand and finding it God's, of breathing new air and finding it celestial, of waking up in glory and finding it home. Oh that would be glory to me."

As a Liberty University alumna, I was very sad to hear that Jerry Falwell died today. When I heard, I thought of W.A. Criswell - don't ask me why, because I don't honestly know - and in looking for the words to the hymn "Finally Home" (excerpted above), I found this quote:

Criswell suggested ministers use this prayer at a committal service: "Dear Lord Jesus, all that hands could do have we done. Where we leave off do you take up and take care. Watch over this hallowed place in holy remembrance until the trumpet shall sound and the dead shall be raised in glory. Give us back then, these we have loved and lost just for a while. Bless the family that waits in earth until that triumphant day when we shall be joined together in heaven. Send us away to our homes and to the work that awaits us in thy love and grace, and in thy dear name, Amen."

The thing about Jerry Falwell is that people either loved him or hated him, but they knew how they felt about him. When I was in college, he was the chancellor of the university, but he also was the pastor of Thomas Road Baptist Church - and since we all were students at Liberty, we were part of his congregation, too. He spoke regularly at Sunday services on "Liberty Mountain" as it was called, as well as at the church itself, and at chapel services during the week, so we saw him and heard from him more than one might see or hear from the chancellor at any other school.

In addition to church and chapel services, he also attended sporting events, concerts and other activities at the school when he was in town. I've said it elsewhere (and it bears repeating here) that my favorite memory of him is from a basketball game in the old gym. He was sitting in the very top row along the back wall with a group of students - he was still in his suit from whatever he'd been doing that day - with a necktie around his head like a bandana, banging on the air ducts to cheer for the team. My sister used to have a picture - I'll see if I can get a copy from her one of these days.....

He used to quote from the old testament: without a vision, the people perish. He certainly had great vision - he wanted to see us as graduates of Liberty University going out into the four corners of the world as "young champions for Christ." It wasn't about him or his own legacy; it was about spreading the gospel to a world that desperately needs it.

Because of his willingness to be a fool for the sake of the gospel, there is a university, a seminary, a law school and a church created and continuing with that goal in mind: to equip its students and parishioners to spread the gospel wherever we go.

Thanks, Jerry.

From: one of Jerry's kids

I Got Nothin'.......

2007-05-14T18:24:00.000-04:00

It's just one of those days but I have nothing - not that I didn't have a good weekend (I did), but it just wasn't ... well, this is the deal.

Saturday, I slept in, got a few errands done, and went to work to get caught up on paperwork (which I did, mostly).

Sunday, I went to church, where I was officially welcomed into the church - they gave me a certificate and everything! - and I met my friend's mom and dad again. I didn't say anything to them about this, but they are much shorter than I remember! (I kid - they are probably about the same height, give or take an inch or two, but I am MUCH taller now).

Then, coolness of the cool, I installed my new/used seats in my car. I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but my darling doggums has a bad habit of biting the car when we go places. He gets agitated by the vehicles whizzing by, overpasses, signs, etc., and he sinks his teeth into the foam in the back seat and just shakes his head around dislodging said foam from said seat. It looked like something took a huge bite out of the back seat of my car.

Enter eBay - my favorite place! - where I finally found a replacement. You'd be surprised how hard it is to find parts for a 1998 Honda Civic (with gray cloth interior), but I finally found some. They were surprisingly easy to install, too. Once I got the seats in, I had to spray them with some of that spray foam deodorizer (I think it's Arm & Hammer), because I think the car they came from belonged to a smoker, but they look so much better than the old ones!!

That's it - that's all I have for today. Hope you all had a happy mother's day. :)

It's Official

2007-05-10T18:25:00.000-04:00

For those of you who have been following the bits and pieces I've posted about my search for a church home, it's official: I'm finally a member of the church I was talking about earlier. :)

The process for membership application in this church was fairly simple. Often, if you've been a member of one church and you decide to transfer, they can accomplish that by what's called a transfer of letter. Since it has been a very long time since I was a member of any church, in part because I would attend my dad's church wherever he went but also in part because I just stopped going when I started law school back in 1992 and never picked it up again (for reasons I've alluded to before), I couldn't get a letter from any church to allow me to do that.

Since I was baptized already back in 1970-something, baptism wasn't necessary. For these situations, this church had me do an interview with one of the deacons and one of the deaconesses, which I did a couple of Sundays ago, and then I gave my testimony on Wednesday night, telling them how I'd come to know the Lord as my savior and other things about my life since then.

It's always a little embarassing for me to do this because when I think about how much God loves me, how grateful I am that He sent His Son to die for my sins and that He raised Him from the dead, and what God has done in my life, I get drippy. I try to power through it, but I get choked up and emotional. I've been like this for as long as I can remember, so I should be more prepared when it happens, but I'm trying to work on it because it can be a little disconcerting (or distracting) for people watching/listening.

Anyway, I did it, and the people in the church who were there (which was only about 25-30 people) went through the process of asking that I be accepted into membership, voting on it, and voila! They will do a brief presentation on a Sunday after the morning service - I don't know when - but otherwise, that's it.

The really cool thing was that after the service last night, this woman came up to me and said, "I don't know if you remember me, but do I look familiar?" I looked at her face, and SHE WAS ONE OF THE GIRLS I'D GONE TO SUNDAY SCHOOL WITH 30-SOME YEARS AGO!!!! How cool is that?!?!? I knew right away who she was, and we hugged and laughed and caught up and just had a great little "old home week" moment.

I told my parents about it after church - called them to tell them first thing when I got home - and I couldn't remember her mom's first name (because I was never allowed to call grown-ups by their first names then), but my dad remembered.

Now, the thing I have to do is get involved in things at this church. I'm not in this just to be able to say I'm a member of such-and-such church. I want to do things - one of the reasons I didn't stay at this other church I'd attended for a while was because it was so big I got lost in it. They had 5 and 6 people lined up to do anything that needed to be done, and I felt useless and unnecessary. That won't be a problem in this church, but I need to sort out what I can do and what they need doing. On one hand, I want to be busy but on the other hand, I don't want to overextend myself.

Stay tuned..... :)

Don't say the "P" word!!

2007-05-07T18:29:00.000-04:00

"P" is for "partner."

Who says lawyers, particularly partners, don't have a sense of humor? The top two guys on our letterhead are away for the week this week, leaving the third guy in charge. He sent this email around this afternoon (it was too funny not to share). Everything but the stuff in brackets is his - names have been changed to protect the innocent:

[Start]

As most of you are probably aware, Mom and Dad ([Bill and Ted]) have gone to Germany for the week. While they would like everyone to think they are really working hard, we all know better. This is the first time that Mom and Dad have left us home alone since I moved in in 1999. In honor of their trusting us so much, I have created a group email that doesn't include either of them. From this email address, we can now send emails that doesn't include either of them.

First, I think we should have a birthday party for [Bill] tomorrow even though he won't be here. In honor of [Bill]'s birthday, we are having pizza and salad brought in for anyone that wants it tomorrow. Just let [Jane - office manager] know if you are attending by the end of the day so we know how much to order.

On Friday, we are having a denim day for no reason at all. It has been suggsted that perhaps we want to take up a collection for the devastated area of Kansas, but any donation is going to be voluntary.

That's it for now campers, but if you think of any other fun things while mom and dad are gone. just let me know.

[End]

The "denim day" reference is to the practice of some businesses (formerly ours) of allowing their employees to wear jeans to work in exchange for a contribution to an agreed-upon charity. Our office's "denim day" was suspended due to the practice of some staff members of wearing jeans with holes in them. Yes, it was an attorney; no, it wasn't me.

I love my job!!

Busy Hands

2007-05-07T14:54:00.000-04:00

All things being equal this summer, this is going to be my new place to hang out:

I won't be a full-time resident - I'll be lucky if I get down there once a month during the summer! - but hopefully, I will leave sticky noseprints on the windows enough to feel comfortable calling it mine.

No, I did not win the lottery, and no, I am not moving in. I went by there on my way back from court to pick out a birthday gift for one of my friends at work, and I just decided (right then) that I would give this place a more prominent place in my life than it has occupied for the last several decades.

This is Pewabic Pottery. To quote from their website, "Founded in 1903 during the Arts & Crafts Movement, Pewabic is nationally renowned for its tile and pottery in unique glazes. Today it is a non profit ceramic art education center which welcomes 70,000 visitors annually."

The cool thing is they offer classes (which I am nowhere near ready to take) and they have a fabulous museum store, which is where I got my friend's birthday gift. I hope she likes it. She's from Cleveland, but she loves cool neat stuff, and since her husband designed their house like a Frank Lloyd Wright place (in keeping with the Arts and Crafts movement), I thought that a vase from Pewabic Pottery would fit into their decor as well as be a nice little thing for her to introduce her to the place if she isn't familiar with it.

Of course, the "pusher" in me thinks that if she gets hooked on it, too, I will have yet another partner in crime for trips to the museum, but we won't tell anyone about that, will we..... :)

Weekend Wrap-Up, or Adventures in DIY

2007-05-07T12:30:00.000-04:00

Home redecorating/update is not for the squeamish, especially if you are a do-it-yourself type. The cardinal rules of such endeavors are these:

1. Measure twice
2. Anticipate everything
3. Don't assume the people who did it first did it right
4. The cost will be twice or three times what you expect.
5. If the question on your mind is "how hard can it be," you should not be doing anything yourself.

The rules are evolving, but those are the first ones that have found application in this latest project, to be known from here on as "The Powder Room Ponderable" or "PRP."

How this started was, I wanted a change in my powder room. In some locales, this is known as a half-bath, but powder room is closer to the mark because it's only about big enough to powder one's nose. Literally or figuratively speaking.

I chose Ralph Lauren Light Sky, which is a nice shade of light blue with just a hint of green. It's not teal, but it's not a clear blue, either. Anyway, since the walls in said powder room were already about the color of french vanilla ice cream, I decided to put a coat of primer on them so that my "light sky" wouldn't look muddy. Yellow base tends to make blues look more green than blue, which would defeat the purpose.

Having watched 'way too many episodes of Trading Spaces, et al., I taped my little powder room with blue tape around everything. The light fixture, the towel bar, the tile baseboard, the vanity, the switchplate and the doorjam. Miles of blue tape for a room that is barely big enough for me to turn around in.

Taping accomplished, I opened, stirred and poured a can of Kilz (white) - not even realizing that it might not be latex paint!!! In fact, it was oil-based paint. Did I have anything to remove oil-based paint from any surface? No. But I move ahead of my story.

You know those commercials where they say "there's the two-trips-to-the-home depot..."? I did that with just one day of priming my powder room. Four trips to the Home Depot later, and I have .... primed it. Two weeks ago.

Why has it taken more than two weeks to paint a powder room?

Rule numbers 2, 3 and 5.

When I decided to paint, I failed to consider what I ultimately wanted to do with the powder room, such as replace the vanity. Having completed the priming, I thought, "If I paint this wall this color, and then I pull the vanity away from the wall to replace it, I'm going to have a mess - why not just replace the vanity now? How hard can it be?"

First, the original contractors did not put the itty-bitty tiles on the itty-bitty tile floor all the way under the vanity. Which means that the cool vanity replacements that would otherwise work in an itty-bitty space like my powder room would require redoing the whole floor because under the vanity is an 8" x 24" rectangle of black wire mesh (that forms the base for the goo you spread on the floor before putting the tile on it). That rules out pedestal sinks of any type, as well as some of those nifty ones that sit on top of the flooring like a table.

Second, the space within which the vanity must fit (so that the door will open and close) is 24-25" wide (looking at the wall), with only 16.5" out from the wall, and about 28 or so inches tall. As a result, the faucet is set in the corner, which means that the plumbing under the sink connecting the faucet to the sink and the water source are over away from the center of the sink.

Since I am NOT going to put another sink in with a corner faucet, I need to be very sure about the plumbing in the new vanity/sink and that I have enough pipe in case I need to put a new pipe under the sink for the drain and/or the water faucet. Do I know anything about plumbing? No.

Third, the vanity/sink combos that are available may say "complete" for $199, "complete" means complete as to the vanity and sink. It does not include the faucet. Faucets are more money on top of the $199 you were going to spend on the vanity/sink combo.

So, I decided to just paint anyway. The vanity/sink combo will wait, and since it is bigger and taller than the one I already have, painting the walls won't hurt anything. Except.

Remember the oil-based versus latex paint issue I mentioned? The original wall color was latex. The primer was oil-based. The new wall color is also latex. The walls now have, instead of their previous smooth surface, a slightly rough texture on them which may be the result of putting oil-based primer on top of latex.

According to the Home Depot paint guy (PG, for short), you can put latex over oil, but it doesn't work to put oil over latex because the oil-based paint can cause the latex paint underneath to lift. PG said that it could also be that the nap on the roller resulted in too much paint being applied, which is what I'm crossing my fingers over, but we'll see.

The point is, the wall texture is not supposed to be rough; it's supposed to be smooth. (Sigh!)

And, the part of my brain that was busy taping everything in sight forgot that paint spatters on things in bathrooms, such as commodes. By the time I figured it out, the toilet had white paint spatters all over the bowl area. Yes, it is a white toilet, but spatters will collect dirt and germs, and what was I thinking. Back to the Home Depot, where another PG helped me find something that would remove oil-based paint from porcelain without taking the finish off said porcelain.

All in all, it might have been cheaper/easier/less stressful to have just moved.

Destination check, please?

2007-05-03T18:58:00.000-04:00

What do you call checking email accounts more than 25 times in a day? I think I passed "obsession" miles ago, but I'm not sure where I ended up.

[The real quirk in this is that I'm not really sure what I'm checking for. It's not like I'm anxiously awaiting some message from someone on the Internet Superhighway (to continue the metaphor long beyond its usefulness)]. The weird part is, I'm getting so starved for email that I'm tempted to read those spam emails offering to make parts of the body I don't even have bigger just to see what all the fuss is about......

Anywho.

[WARNING - If you're easily grossed out, please don't read any further. Or at least, don't read any further while you are in places where other people might see/hear you].

Although Monday was a lovely day, Tuesday knocked me on my keister - literally. I was up all night turning my stomach inside out about once every hour (almost on the hour) from about midnight until about 6:00 a.m. I ended the last session sitting on the bathroom floor waiting to see if I needed to exert myself to move, or if it would be more efficient to try to die right there on the tile floor so as not to stain the carpet.

The thing is, this was just a flu - I hadn't done anything worth being punished like that! Really! Monday night being a school night, I did what I was supposed to do. I got home at a decent hour, after getting gas at $2.829/gallon (the cheapest price in the whole state, I later learned). I cooked, I ate dinner, I played with my dog and took him outside like a good mama should, and we went to bed by 11:20 p.m.

There was no evening wine and a movie with friends, no shots at Chili's after work, no booze of any kind - not even cough syrup. I'm not much of a drinker anyway, and I've never had a hangover, so I am not joking when I say I really didn't do anything that would lead me to expect all-night-hurling as the close to the evening's activities.

Further, I wasn't sniffling, I didn't have a tummyache, and I didn't feel unwell at all - until about midnight. It wasn't like I'd been unwell and then ate dinner on top of an upset stomach. This thing snuck up on me, beat the snot out of me and then sat there and chuckled while I ralphed all of the bile out of my liver.

About 18 hours later, it was over. Seriously. Weirdest thing ever. I felt well enough to totter down the stairs and drink some diet 7Up, which was probably not the best thing for me, but it was all I had that I figured would not make me instantly start heaving again. I slept, got up the next morning and went to work. Like nothing had happened.

Something is definitely wrong with the time-space continuum.......

WHEW!!

2007-04-30T19:08:00.000-04:00

What a week! What a weekend!

I don't know where the time went, but boy! did it go fast! I feel like I've been away for weeks.

Here's the recap: I have been looking for a china cabinet to go with my grandparents' old table and chairs. They're similar to the Duncan Phyfe look, so in a way, that makes it easy to find lots of pieces, but the color is a bit different, and EVERYBODY (apparently) was also looking for these things, so it's been a bit rough.

UNTIL this past week, when I scored this:

$61.00 on eBay. :) I spent the day Saturday driving from my house to Niles, Michigan (which is almost as far west as you can drive in Michigan and still be in Michigan). The stuff inside it was not included.

Can I just make a little plug here for Enterprise Rent-a-Cars? They hooked me up with this sweet Dodge Ram pickup truck that was a true beast of burden. Weekend 3-day special, 50% off their regular rates, so I had this monster truck to drive out to Niles and back for $100.71 (including tax), and unlike U-Haul, no per-mile mileage charge!! Whoo-hoo!

When you combine the $61.00 plus the truck rental (and the cost for gas - Oh! the gas prices these days!), I spent about $245.00 for this china cabinet total. Not bad, really. And while the top of it needs to be repaired - actually, the whole thing needs a good cleaning/restoration - the finish matched my grandparents' old table and chairs perfectly. I was so excited.

My neighbor (bless his heart) helped me get it into the house, because although it wasn't heavy, it was a little awkward. Once it was in the house, I was able to bring one of the chairs up to check it, and voila! Perfect match!

I spent Sunday afternoon/evening at work, getting caught up on my timesheets which are now done through yesterday. And so, today, my brain is mush - nothing left to give, and only the projects waiting for me at home to taunt me.

I DID have to take the truck back today, but I combined the task with a walk for my dog, who loved going in the truck, loved going for a walk, and loved getting home for a drink of water and a treat (it was a bit of a hike, but not longer than our usual - it was just warm today).

So, that was my week/weekend!! How was yours?

Happy Secretaries' Day!!

2007-04-27T18:53:00.000-04:00

OK, it's a day late, but we celebrated it here in our office today, and what an awesome event!

One of the newer attorneys in our office asked our office manager what is done for those members of our support staff (who by the way are THE most awesome people on the planet!) who aren't "officially" assigned to anyone and therefore not likely to receive any recognition or thanks for all of their hard work. As they talked, she suggested that the attorneys give the staff a lunch in the office, similar to the one they give us on Bosses' Day. And they do a really nice job for that, too - as I said: we have the most awesome people in our office!

Anyway, the lunch went very well, and everyone was truly touched that the attorneys had taken the initiative to plan and execute something like that for them, and they are SO totally worth the effort!

To all of the secretaries, administrative assistants, and support staff who really do make the world an easier place to work,

THANK YOU!!!!! :)

Happy Administrative Professionals' Day!!

2007-04-25T19:10:00.000-04:00

This is one Hallmark holiday that I do not mind celebrating, especially since one of the world's best secretaries works with me. I started to say, "I have one of the world's greatest secretaries....," but it sounded weird - weird and condescending.

Anyway, our office did a catered lunch in the office for everyone that turned out very, very well. The food was delicious (chicken marsala, pasta palomino, green beans and carrots, salad, rolls and dessert), and people seemed to enjoy just sitting down and eating together - we don't get to do that very often at all.

Having just concluded my second week with Dr. Atkins, however, I did not participate.... I did have a piece of chicken afterwards - I had to make sure it tasted good! - but I just didn't trust myself to only eat what was on my diet plan in the face of all of that temptation. Especially not the pasta palomino - which was a penne pasta with what looked like a tomato-cream sauce.... (droolllllllllll). The desserts looked .... OK. Nothing smashing to write home about, but then again, I wasn't really looking at the desserts.

Instead, I went home and took my dog outside to go potty and made scrambled eggs with cream cheese and sat with him for a little while before heading back to work.

He has been doing this drooling thing for a while now that just cracks me up. The rule is, when I eat, he gets a bite, but only after I'm finished. This has worked very well to keep him from jumping on other people who may come over for a meal while we're eating, as well as when we are at someone else's house.

So instead of physically begging (sitting up, putting his paw on me, etc.), he just sits there and drools. We're talking BIG drops of dog drool that make wet spots on the floor!! I feel so bad for him when he does that because I know he wants whatever it is I'm eating, but he sits there like a drooling rock until it's his turn!! If I can, I will get a picture of this, because I want it for his doggie book anyway. (Doggie book = baby book for those of us with four-legged children).

By the time I came back to work, everyone had finished eating, but people totally loved it. With about 60 people in our office (25 attorneys and the rest support and administrative/paraprofessional staff), it worked out to about $25/attorney, but we didn't have to do much of the clean-up, and we did NONE of the cooking this year. Caterers rock!!

Monday Re-Cap

2007-04-23T12:12:00.000-04:00

It's Monday. In a spirit of trying to make things look better, I need to say the following:

1. We had a drop-dead gorgeous weekend this weekend. Temps in the 70s and 80s, sunshine, nice breeze - perfection!! My peony bushes grew 5 inches. :)

2. I'm painting my half-bath on the main floor and I still have white paint (Kilz) on my hand. Dummy me, I didn't realize that the leftover paint in the basement was not water-based, so I didn't get any paint thinner (being slightly afraid of it because of its flammable characteristics).

3. I totally ROCKED on the Madame Alexander dolls from McDonalds - their happy meal toys from the Wizard of Oz were snatched up very quickly by collectors, but I had bought them early and got 6 sets before they disappeared. Since my nieces are not the least bit interested in them (dumb kids!), I have been able to share them with my friends at work who are thrilled to pieces. I'm down to 4 sets and I have homes for all of them. :)

Those are the good things.

**UPDATE**

I started to disgorge the bad things I was thinking of when I felt compelled to post this, but I decided to wait until after I had something to eat, in case I felt better. Which I did. Which leads me to this reminder that I took away from one of the first jobs I had after I got out of law school (working on a series of cases in psychiatric malpractice. Long story. Won't go into it now):

Never let yourself get too:

H - ungry
A - ngry
L - onely
T - ired

(Like how the whole thing spells "HALT"?? I thought it was very clever!!)

Good advice.

Conviction or Distraction?

2007-04-19T19:13:00.000-04:00

This is going to sound a little weird, but here goes.

Since the first part of November of last year, I've had a thorn in my side in the form of a young woman that I worked with about 4 years ago at another job. At that time, I was one of the project team leaders - not a great title, actually, but I was in charge of my little group of people doing a document review project that ended up lasting a total of about 5 months. I had started with that project from the beginning and worked my way "up" so to speak from a regular grunt to being in charge of my own group.

Anyway, this woman is the daughter of a Judge here in our little state, and from the first day she started work on the project, she let everyone know it. She ended up in my room, which meant that I had to work with her day in and day out for the time she was there. She lasted maybe a couple or three weeks, total - because I recommended that she be let go, and because other people backed me up on it.

I have to say that, during the short time we worked together initially, she treated everyone she worked with as if she was fundamentally better than they were, and that they had no right to any opinions that did not match her own. She walked out of the room during a discussion on the legal history of heterosexual marriage and the problems with the proposals for homosexual marriage because, "I am so offended by this conversation, I can't stay here!" (I.e., she threw a temper-tantrum because she didn't get her way and she didn't succeed in getting everyone to agree with her). I was not sorry to see her go, and neither was anyone else of the remaining 16 people on the team.

Flash-forward to last November, when, after the unexpected departure of two of our firm's litigation attorneys, one of the partners here (who is good friends with this chick's father the Judge) happened to discuss our crisis with said Judge, who immediately recommended his daughter. Big surprise - she wasn't "happy" at her current position at another firm and was looking for a job.

The word I got (after the ink was all but dry) was that her father had "cautioned" her to not think she could abuse the relationship between himself and this partner at our firm in the course of her employment. Kudos to the Judge for recognizing that his daughter had a problem in that area, but I digress.

Since her arrival, I have tried to not be antagonistic to her, but she's still here. No one I talk to - and I don't sit around gossipping about her, but I hear things - has anything nice or positive to say about her. No one. I should mention that there is another young woman from that same project who started working here last January who is an absolute delight - she doesn't like her either, but she's much better at hiding it and being "nice" in public than I am.

Here's the dilemma: While we were all working on the project 4 years ago, I had an occasion to share my faith with the group of people in my room. I've always felt that one of the reasons I was allowed to be "in charge" and to be in that place was so that I could share the Gospel with this guy who is Jewish. I say that because at the time, judge-chick was already gone, and the only other 2 people in the room who weren't believers or at least sympathetic to the Gospel were not there and they didn't return until after the discussion was over, but I had a chance to witness to this guy from the Old Testament scripture about why Jesus was the Messiah the Jews had been waiting for.

My current issue is this: is this chick back in my sphere of influence (little though it might be) because she needs to hear the Gospel, too? Or, is it to push my competitive buttons so that I realize that my job here, much as I may complain about it, is actually meeting some very real and very pressing financial needs for my present and my future? (Or maybe both - and other stuff besides?).

I feel like Jonah - I DON'T want to go to Nineveh!! I don't want to be nice to this chick - I don't want to befriend her - I don't want to offer her any advice, especially not when she responds to any type of suggestion (no matter how tactfully phrased) with the attitude that she already knows whatever is being said to her, before going about things exactly the same way. How do I determine whether there is a purpose here, or if taking that road would be casting pearls before swine?

OK, I know how.....(Drat - I was looking for an "Easy" button). I need to pray for discernment and wisdom and compassion, and I need to ask God to soften my heart and give me whatever it would take to do whatever He wants me to do. Even though I don't want to. God can take care of those things.

Monday's Report Card

2007-04-16T19:14:00.000-04:00

I took the weekend off - entirely and completely off. I didn't go in to the office at all. I didn't even go to church (which I missed....). Instead, I SLEPT in on Saturday morning - woke up at maybe midnight to let the dog out, and then again at about 4:30 a.m. (same reason), and then went back to sleep until 10:15 a.m. :) I also slept in until about 9:30 a.m. on Sunday, although I didn't feel as refreshed after that as I had on Saturday.

I also did the good things I'm supposed to do: I paid bills and balanced my checkbook. I organized my entryway closet (the bottom half - I had 8 pairs of shoes and boots underneath 2 vacuum cleaners..... don't ask) in anticipation of an upcoming home improvement project: I'm going to put real ceramic tile in my entryway! TA-DAA!! (Please hold your applause until AFTER the project is successfully completed).

To do this, I will need to purchase a hand-tile-cutter. I know there are power tile saws. I do not use any power saw while I live alone, because I am afraid that I will cut off a body part and bleed to death before anyone can help me. I am that clutzy with power tools. I think I can manage a hand tool like that, though. Plus, for such a small area that has relatively few cuts to make, a hand tile saw is enough. It's not like I'm tiling my bathroom and need to make lots of teensy cuts so I can put tile around a round object (like the base of a toilet). That will be time for professional intervention in the form of my next-door neighbor's brother.

That is project one on my list for this year. Project two is to replace the bathroom sink/vanity in the downstairs powder room - which should be interesting, since the bathroom itself is VERY tiny. The existing vanity is 29.5" tall, 24" wide, and 16.5" deep, which will make it fun to find a sink/vanity that will fit. I might have to go with a pedestal sink, but if I did that, I wouldn't have any storage in there. (Sigh!)

You notice, I'm putting off the basement for as long as possible..... In my own defense, I did get the paperwork organized and put into a nifty little file cabinet that I found at Office Depot for a mere $18. It is MDF, which I abhor, but it goes with the other stuff I have down there, which made it cheaper than the entire area remodel I was contemplating before. As I now have a pile of things to shred and/or throw away that is about two and a half feet tall, I now have to think about shredding.

One thing always leads to another. That's why there are things like spring cleaning and fall cleaning - so all of this stuff doesn't gang up on you unawares!!

Generation Gap

2007-04-13T19:15:00.000-04:00

I knew it. I found this article by Jason Ryan Dorsey (Special to Yahoo! Personals) that confirmed everything I’ve been thinking about “these kids today” (and in a lot more people than you would think in my generation). Take a look at his comments:

“Many Twentysomethings have grown up always getting what they want. They got the clothes they want. They got the car they want. They begged for better grades and got those, too. And they're used to getting what they want immediately and on their own terms. They expect to walk into a coffee shop and get their triple-cream-mocha-latte with sprinkles made just for them, with their name written in bold green marker on the side of the cup to prove it. They also get their favorite DVDs delivered directly to their home, their emails forwarded to their phone, and up-to-the-minute weather bulletins displayed on their computer screen. They even have the option to get fresh groceries delivered, but they won't because they can't cook unless Mom helps.

In addition to being raised on instant everything, these consistently head-over-heels-in-love and heartbroken Twentysomethings have huge expectations. The real world hasn't always gone the way they wanted -- instead of making CEO in a year they make 4,000 copies in a day -- but they use their 12 credit cards to fill the self-esteem gap. After all, who needs to buy a red 3 Series BMW with chrome rims when you can lease it?”

This is why I don't fit in today's world. I grew up in an era when you got things the old-fashioned way: hard work. Everything, including relationships, moved at a slower pace. I'm just not wired for this high-speed, fast-paced world. Despite having been born in the mid-1960s, I am squarely smack-dab in the pre-Baby Boomer generation. My values are more in tune with those WWII folks (in some ways) than with my own kind, so to speak. But there are other areas in which I'm right on track with my generation (or a generation or two after mine).

I like jazz - the good kind, not this whiny, wimpy Muzak nonsense that passes for jazz - and swing and folk music and classical music, much like my parents and my grandparents (and their contemporaries) did before me. But I also like Green Day, The Fray, Daniel Powter, Norah Jones and other new artists, too.

I don't think there is necessarily a need to patch the generation gap. Not in my own life and not in general. I do think that transgenerational exploration is beneficial to almost anyone, and that the more we learn from the past, the more likely we are to survive.

Not that I am likely to be texting anyone in the near (or distant) future - that's one form of shorthand I can't fathom at all.... U?

Whew! I feel much better!

Monday Moaning

2007-04-09T18:55:00.000-04:00

I found this by Anna Pasternak of The Mail in a last-ditch, late-afternoon attempt to assuage my own inner child (who has been decidedly cranky and uncooperative for the last six months, thank you very much). Ms. Pasternak writes:

"I am convinced of one fact: 40 is the new 30, and a second Relationship Window has opened up.

A new cycle of dating has changed the landscape of love for women in their 40s. Why? Because there are a growing number of men and women who are freshly divorced.

And also because there are millions of others who were too busy focusing on their careers, and suddenly, at around 40, have become desperate to find a partner to share their lives.

With the mushrooming number of starter weddings for the early 20s and the cataclysmic rate of divorce — 53 per cent of marriages in the UK end in disaster — this new Relationship Window is a second chance for women aged between 38 and 43 to find (hopefully lasting) love.

Perhaps at that age, having children is no longer a realistic dream, but a man who loves you is better than an empty bed every night.

The problem, of course, is that the pressure to find a man in a hurry during the second Relationship Window is anathema to genuine attraction — chemistry can never be faked or forced.

Yet however much women like me (aged 39 and entering my second Relationship Window) try to put the time constraints out of our heads and follow our hearts, there is that nagging voice in the back of our minds that says if we don't get the man and settle in to a committed relationship before our mid-40s, we'll be over the hill.

There is a nagging fear that the available men's eyes will be diverted by younger, fresher, feistier chicks."

******

The rise of career women with forceful independence and surging earning power, along with the easily battered male ego moaning about emasculation, are all factors playing out in modern unions, which wreck havoc on domestic stability and longevity.

Not only did we have American writer Michael Noer sounding off in Forbes magazine warning men not to marry career women, but economics professor Randall Kesselring's research at Arkansas State University found the richer a woman becomes, the more likely she is to divorce.

After studying the finances of 112,740 women, of whom 16,760 were divorced and 95,980 were married, he concluded that 'a female's economic success may cause friction within the family'.
He argued that for every £10,000 a wife's earnings increases relative to the family's income, the chances of marital break-up rises by 1 per cent.

[End quote]

Thank you, Anna.

I was trying to figure out how to deal with this now six-month long streatch of ennui. I thought, "maybe missions would be a better way to deal with the social aspects of being unmarried." After all, how many single women do exactly that: they go overseas where they are useful, productive and valued members of society. They get social brownie points for dedicating their lives to spiritual service since they haven't found husbands. Right? (I'm being facetious, here).

It's the weirdest thing. I didn't care about any of this when I was 20 years younger - why is it such a problem that I don't want to focus on any of the things I actually have in front of me to do?!?!?!?

Here's the thing: I really want to stop working altogether for a while, take some time off, get braces (since I never got them when I was younger), then find a job that has less macho-impairment attached to it with more flexibility in my hours and more free time so I can have energy and time to enjoy a life. I don't want this business of being chained to a desk all the time, not getting home until after 7:00 p.m., and falling into bed only to get up and do it all over again! If I never see another billable hour, it will be too soon!

But, I can't do that. Not right now. I'm so firmly entrenched in my career that I really can't imagine doing anything else, and I have insufficient economic resources to venture off to do something else. Even if I could do something else, I don't know what I could do that wouldn't require additional education and/or training.

I took one of those little fun online quizzes on MSN.com - it was on first lines of famous (or not so famous) novels, and I got 10/13 right. Do you know how long it's been since I read ANY of those books? :) The thing is, I was good at the literature thing - it just didn't pay enough. Still doesn't. This blog notwithstanding, I'm a good writer. I have good critical thinking skills, I can dissect and diagram a sentence like nobody's business, and I enjoy it.

So what am I doing?

Today's Mailbox

2007-03-30T19:18:00.000-04:00

Posted: 30 Mar 2007 08:19 AM CDT

A word from [Gunnery]Sergeant Krueger, USMC, to Speaker Pelosi:

How can you even think of pushing forward legislation to set a withdrawal date for US forces from Iraq? Do you know how much you embolden the insurgency here in Iraq? YOU ARE JEOPARDIZING THE LIVES OF US SERVICEMEN AND WOMEN WITH YOUR ACTIONS. You and your fellow Democrats are causing the Al Qaeda supported insurgency to use more catastrophic attacks against us and Iraqi forces. You will see more SVBIED’s with chlorine gas, more VBIED’s against civilians and security forces every time you and other Democrats open your mouths. You will have to live with yourself and try to sleep at night knowing all the defeatist propaganda you have spewed forth is nothing more than ammunition for Islamic extremist groups around the world and more US deaths. The unsuspecting people who support you know nothing of what goes on over here; you fill their heads with nonsense and talk of pullout to appease them. The only thing that will happen is the establishment of an extremist Islamic state where sharia law is the law of the land and no one is safe.

Sunni Moslems here are coming to our side and joining forces with the government to defeat Al Qaeda(AQI) here in Iraq, but they need our help and they need us to stay. I have spent the last 7 months(3rd tour) in Iraq. I have watched Iraqi citizens pick up weapons and form militias in areas to join forces with Iraqi police/Army. Common citizens who fight and die because we are standing next to them. Not cutting and running or talking of withdrawal. This started after the surge forces the President sent here arrived. We have lost Marines also and it hurts more than you will ever know but we have made a commitment to these people. And I for one will not abandon them and I have of a platoon of Marines who feel the same. I have no control over what happened in 2003 and why we invaded Iraq. That is another discussion, but we are here and they need our help to rid their country of these terrorists. Yes eventually we will leave but we need to do a phased withdrawal without a timeline. At least without a timeline that is published for the world to know. The citizens of Iraq need to see some solidarity in our government, Democrats and Republicans coming together and supporting our President in this war. There is a middle ground here for both parties, you all need to come together and work towards a solution. What we don’t need is more theatrics and clashes between the parties. AQI loves to see that it causes them to do more attacks and continue with the murder and intimidation campaign against Iraqi citizens.

Someone needs to step forward and bring the two parties together. Meet and talk about what you all can do and come to an agreement on the war. Like I said before we need a unified front to present to the world on the Iraq war. The Iraqi people need a morale boost, they need to see we are behind them and we will support them and not cut and run. The insurgency needs to see our resolve is strong and we will endure and defeat them. Extremist Islamist terror groups use our perceived weakness against us. They misunderstand our kindness for weakness. Weakness shown to the world brings more recruits to their cause; it causes more civilian deaths and violence.

Please I implore you to not push this agenda. I have watched you on television and you seem to be using this as a steppingstone to further your political career. STOP!!! More is at stake here. Our countries word is on the line, my word to many Iraqi citizens is on the line. Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines lives are at stake. We know the risks and we face them daily. Don’t make our mission more difficult.

Gunnery Sgt. Stephen F. KruegerPlatoon Sgt 3rd Recon Bn

5 on a Scale of 1 to 10

2007-03-29T19:18:00.000-04:00

Today is a "5." No real reason (except maybe good ol' hormones), but it just is.

It's amazing how things can change over the course of a couple of days! Perspective has a lot to do with it - how you choose to look at the world, as if you're looking out a window. Today, I feel as if I'm looking out at the world from a "garden" apartment window. The glass is a little grimy, and I see shoes walking past on their way to someplace else.

Elijah is one of my back-pocket heroes. I say "back-pocket" because the memory is always in the back pocket of my brain in case I need to refer to it.

I Kings 18 tells of one of the coolest events in the Old Testament, in my opinion. Israel hasn't had rain for a long time. In a duel with the prophets of Baal, Elijah challenges Israel to make a decision: Jehovah or Baal. He sets up two altars - each complete with sacrifice and wood - and he says, whichever god sets the sacrifice on fire is the true God. Now, Baal was the god of fire, so that seemed like a good idea to the other prophets. He lets the prophets of Baal choose their bull and go first, but neither of them gets to light any fire. (Understand that there has been a drought - that's important later in the story).

The Baal prophets dance around, cutting themselves with knives, calling on their god Baal to prove he is the true god by setting fire to their altar. Elijah taunts them, asking "where is your god? Yell louder - maybe he's on a trip. Maybe he's sleeping and has to be wakened." All day this goes on - from morning to afternoon.

Then after the Baal prophets have worn themselves out, Elijah calls the people closer. He repairs the altar of the Lord that had been torn down and sets up 12 stones. He digs a trench around the altar large enough to hold about 14 quarts (or 3 and a half gallons dry measure). He arranges the wood, cuts up the bull, puts it on the altar, and then calls for water. Four jars of water. He has the people empty the water onto the sacrifice, go back and get more water and do it again and again, until the altar is saturated with water and the water is running over the sides and filling the trench.

Then, when it was time for the evening offering, Elijah prayed, "O Lord God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, prove today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, O Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, O Lord, are the true God and that you are winning back their allegiance." That was it. No dancing, no cutting, no flailing around. Just Elijah's prayer and his faith.

The Bible says, "Then fire from the Lord fell from the sky. It consumed the offering, the wood, the stones, and the dirt, and licked up the water in the trench." I Kings 18:38. The people fell on their faces and declared, "The Lord is the true God! The Lord is the true God!" Elijah told the people to seize the prophets of Baal, and they took them down to the Kishon Valley and executed them. Elijah went back to the king and told him to prepare for rain. Elijah prayed and the rain came, and Elijah ran ahead of the king's chariot back to the city.

Now that the prophets of Baal had been killed, Elijah got worried for his life, and he ran to the desert in despair. He'd just experience that great victory - a wonderful demonstration of God's power and authority - and he ran away. This is the part that always encourages me: when he ran into the desert, he cried out to God to take his life, and then he slept. The Bible says that the angel of the Lord woke him and told him to eat and drink. He woke up, he saw that there was food, he ate and drank, and he went back to sleep. After he'd slept some more, the angel of the Lord came again and woke him up, telling him to eat or he wouldn't have the strength for his journey. He ate and drank and went further into the wilderness - 40 days and nights - to Mount Horeb, described as the "mountain of God."

That's the cool part. A) Even after all of the triumph and the assurance that he was on the same team as the Lord, Elijah still felt discouraged, even depressed. B) The Lord didn't leave him - even though his feelings weren't in line with his experience. And during that time, God didn't tell him to snap out of it or get treatment. C) The Lord sent someone to take care of his physical needs - food, sleep, water. D) When Elijah got to Mt. Horeb, God didn't chastise him. God showed Elijah devasting wind, landslides, earthquake, fire - but the Lord was not in any of those things. God spoke to Elijah in stillness following the upheaval - and listened and encouraged him, telling him he was not alone.

I'm glad that the same unchangeable God who cared enough about Elijah to send His angel to take care of Elijah's needs to prepare him for what was ahead of him is in charge of things in my life today. Today may be a 5 but maybe that's a sign that I need to sleep, take care of physical things and prepare for the next steps.

Had to be done

2007-03-27T19:19:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Jules, and her link to a blog entry she found elsewhere and linked to, I found myself searching for something vaguely familiar, thinking it had to be someplace in the Psalms. In light of all of the general junk floating around in my head lately, this just had to be said. And who better to say it than David, a man after God's own heart! (The text is copied from NETBible at bible.org - the breaks are mine, and I broke it up based on what I thought kept thoughts together, to try to make it read a little easier.)

Psalm 66:1-20

1. Shout out praise to God, all the earth!
2. Sing praises about the majesty of his reputation!
Give him the honor he deserves!

3. Say to God:
“How awesome are your deeds!
Because of your great power your enemies cower in fear before you.
4. All the earth worships you
and sings praises to you!
They sing praises to your name!” (Selah)

5. Come and witness God’s exploits!
His acts on behalf of people are awesome!
6. He turned the sea into dry land;
they passed through the river on foot.
Let us rejoice in him there!

7. He rules by his power forever;
he watches the nations.
Stubborn rebels should not exalt themselves. (Selah)

8. Praise our God, you nations!
Loudly proclaim his praise!
9. He preserves our lives
and does not allow our feet to slip.

10. For you, O God, tested us;
you purified us like refined silver.
11. You led us into a trap;
you caused us to suffer.
12. You allowed men to ride over our heads;
we passed through fire and water,
but you brought us out into a wide open place.

13. I will enter your temple with burnt sacrifices;
I will fulfill the vows I made to you,
14. which my lips uttered
and my mouth spoke when I was in trouble.

15. I will offer up to you fattened animals as burnt sacrifices,
along with the smell of sacrificial rams.
I will offer cattle and goats. (Selah)

16. Come! Listen, all you who are loyal to God!
I will declare what he has done for me.
17. I cried out to him for help
and praised him with my tongue.

18. If I had harbored sin in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened.
19. However, God heard;
he listened to my prayer.

20. God deserves praise,
for he did not reject my prayer
or abandon his love for me!

Big Steps

2007-03-25T19:19:00.000-04:00

(Deep breath).

Well, I did it. I spoke with the pastor this morning about becoming a member of the church I started attending about 6-8 weeks ago.

In a way, it was kind of cool - this is the first time I've just stayed after church instead of going home right away, so I met people. Lots of people. That in itself was kind of .... hard. Right away, I felt a wave of expectations rushing toward me, and I didn't expect it to feel like that so fast. It helps to take a deep breath and remember that probably 90% of that feeling is just me - it isn't other people - but I've been away from this environment for a long time.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but the pastor and his wife (and, apparently, her sister) attended the same college I did - the pastor graduated a couple of years ahead of me, his wife maybe about the same time as my sister, and her sister a couple of years later, so that was kind of cool. When he gave me a copy of the church constitution, he showed me a caricature someone had done of him, the dean and the chancellor of the college during his campaign for student body president that was really cool (he didn't win, but it was a great poster). I looked in my yearbook from my senior year, and I found his wife's sister in one of the dorm photos - I don't think I knew either of them, but it was still kind of fun to look.

Anyway, the next step is that one of the deacons will call me, and then there will be a meeting with this deacon and his wife (I think-the pastor said "deaconess" but I may have assumed it was this man's wife and not someone else) on a Sunday morning, and then the next step after that is that I will give my testimony - the pastor was kind enough to say that they didn't usually have people do that on Sunday morning, but on Wednesday night (fewer people).

I've already typed (!) what I want to say, because I've been in services where people go on and on, and while you appreciate their enthusiasm and their heart for the Lord, you wish they would find a stopping point SOME time before midnight. (See? That's me being critical again....)

I'm not going to read it, but I am planning to "prepare" to say what I've written so that I don't cry. Don't ask me why, but I tend to cry when I talk about things that are very important to me - I've been like this since childhood. Since I don't want to be that woman who cries all the time, I need to have time to think and breathe and prepare.

This is a lot bigger step than I thought it would be. I could have gone along for months just visiting without doing any of this formal stuff, but I guess I wouldn't have felt as if I really belonged if I did that. Sort of like living together without being married: you're there, but there is no formal commitment - technically, you can leave any time you want. I've never thought that was such a great arrangement in any context.

Now, I just have to watch out for honeymoon syndrome - expecting everyone and everything to be perfect. No church is, and the minute I start going, they wouldn't be anymore!! :) These are people - just ordinary people like me - and they are going to make mistakes and be imperfect just like I will.

"Always be kind, because everyone you meet faces a battle. We all need to be cared for, especially when we do not deserve it."

I should have this tattooed on my forehead backwards, so that I'd see it every time I looked in the mirror.

Squirrel - 1; Me - 0

2007-03-23T19:20:00.000-04:00

After retriving my dog from the kennel on Sunday, in the throes of guilt, I decided to take him for a nice walk in the park. It was a beautiful day, and we could easily get in a good hour's walk before dinner, so I thought, why not? Plus, the kennel people said that he'd been very good for his bath that morning, and I figured he needed a reward.

The walk went as scheduled - there was gorgeousness everywhere (albeit VERY early spring gorgeousness - no green things, but beautiful sun), and the park was alive with ducks and geese and squirrels and whatnot.

As we headed back toward the car, we had to cross a bridge that goes over the Clinton River. Ducks gather around the bridge because people feed them, which is fine. On the car-side of the bridge, I saw a squirrel, and I thought, "I should let him chase one - he hasn't seen any since we started the walk, and we're going to go home and make an early night of it..... Why not?"

Why not, indeed. Because I wasn't going to let go of the leash (so that if he decided to chase ducks instead of squirrels, I wouldn't have to go into the river after him), I ran with him. As we rounded the corner of our (maybe!) 25-foot dash, my foot landed right on the side of a small indentation in the ground, causing my ankle to twist sharply in a direction ankles are not supposed to turn.

I dropped the leash, executed a somewhat less than graceful shoulder roll, and ended up flat on my back looking up at the sky with a very sore ankle. (Puppy-boy did NOT go into the river, but he also did not stop chasing the squirrel to find out if I was OK - ungrateful little rascal).

A kind soul got the end of the leash (that I finally dropped), and brought my dog back to me. I got up and started walking around on the ankle, trying to see if I could walk (for one thing) and to walk off the soreness right away. Plus, I wanted to go home - not because I was humiliated (although I should have been - what right-minded 43-year old chases a squirrel with her dog?), but because I wanted to check out the ankle and see if I needed anything more than RICE.*

I stopped at the drug store on the way home and bought an ACE wrap, an ACE ankle brace, and some Epsom salt. When I got home, I pulled the ACE wrap out of the box and wrapped the ankle, took Aleve, pulled some lima beans and rye flour out of the freezer (they were frozen and pliable - it works, trust me) and propped my foot on the bag of flour with the bag of frozen lima beans over the top of it.

Epilogue: Sprained ankles swell, hurt, and eventually turn purple, but they aren't fatal. They also aren't that great for sympathy, particularly when the mechanism of acquisition is such blatant stupidity. As my late grandmother used to say, "Too soon old, too late smart." :)

[*R = Rest, I = Ice, C = Compression, and E = Elevation. RICE.]

Anticlimactic

2007-03-17T19:20:00.000-04:00

Well, don't I feel silly! All of my emotional investment in this weekend's plans and my flight got cancelled! Not just the one I was supposed to be on last night, but all of them until at least Sunday evening!! :) (Sigh!)

Next time, and I hope there will be a next time, I'm going to try to get out earlier. I left work early in the afternoon this time, but next time, I'll just take the earliest flight I can get and take the day off.

Oh well.

Puppy-boy is at the kennel anyway. I'm a bad mama. I figured, he's probably having fun today playing with other dogs and getting a much-needed bath, so I will take advantage of the babysitter services and get the work done at work and at home that I can't always focus on because my attention is split between what he's doing and whether he needs a walk or if he is lonesome. I'll pick him up as scheduled tomorrow afternoon, and between now and then, I can stay at the office the rest of the day, go home and vacuum (he hates the vacuum and tries to bite it, so it's better to vacuum when he isn't home), and then stay up until whenever cleaning the basement.

Whoopie. :)

Eagles Up

2007-03-16T19:21:00.000-04:00

Earlier, I wrote about the upcoming Gathering of Eagles event scheduled for Washington, D.C., tomorrow. I've checked in online, my sister is going to meet me at the airport (instead of at her office, which is across from one of the Metro stations), and we're getting ready to join the Eagles in their answer to the anti-war protests planned for the same day.

Here is the latest from the Eagles' website:

"Our time has come. Remember, even now you represent the greatest fighting force in the world, just as you did 10, 20, or 40 years ago. Act with integrity, and honor those we come to defend.

See you on the front lines.

EAGLES UP!"

I can't help but think that we have been engaged in a war of a different type for a long time. It's not a war measured in body counts or territory, but in hearts, minds, opinions and beliefs about what is and is not true. It's a war of ideology.

Today's world rejects the idea of absolute truth - everything depends on "perspective." I remember hearing once that "perception is fact" - how ridiculous!

I remember hearing this description of the difference between truth and belief in the context of whether people who were sincere in their beliefs about life after death would go to heaven, even if they did not accept the Bible's message of salvation:

The sincerity of your beliefs is no match for the truth. You can be sincerely wrong and still be sincere. If you get on a plane to Los Angeles, and you want to go to Philadelphia, do you really think that your sincere belief that the plane is going to Philadelphia will make a difference?

These days, sincerity and personal belief are what it's all about. Mention "right" and "wrong" and people will not understand what you're saying. The meaning of words has been changed for the express purpose of hiding truth. Use words like "truth" and "justice", and people will ask, "whose truth" and "what justice." We are so accustomed to being free to make even stupid choices that we assume that the rest of the world has the same freedoms we take for granted, and we refuse to believe any evidence to the contrary.

Those are the principles we're fighting for in Iraq: Truth. Justice. Freedom. The way in which war is waged now is different from the way in which war was waged in past centuries. Conventions (or rules) of war, like the Geneva Convention, were agreements between nations that allowed for a defined "victory" and a cessation of war when that victory was achieved.

The type of war we're fighting now is like a street brawl - no rules, no referees, and no time-outs. The only way to win is to seek out and destroy those who fight against us, no matter where they are and no matter who they are. The war isn't over unless those who oppose us are annihilated. If you think that is too harsh, look at the book of Joshua.

Joshua 1:6 - Be strong and courageous, for you shall give this people possession of the land which I swore to their fathers to give them.

Joshua 2:10 - For we have heard how the LORD dried up the water of the Red Sea before you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to the two kings of the Amorites who were beyond the Jordan, to Sihon and Og, whom you utterly destroyed.

Joshua 8:25-26 - All who fell that day, both men and women, were 12,000--all the people of Ai. For Joshua did not withdraw his hand with which he stretched out the javelin until he had utterly destroyed all the inhabitants of Ai.

Joshua 10:28 - Now Joshua captured Makkedah on that day, and struck it and its king with the edge of the sword; he utterly destroyed it and every person who was in it. He left no survivor. Thus he did to the king of Makkedah just as he had done to the king of Jericho.

Joshua 10:40 - Thus Joshua struck all the land, the hill country and the Negev and the lowland and the slopes and all their kings. He left no survivor, but he utterly destroyed all who breathed, just as the LORD, the God of Israel, had commanded.

Joshua 11:18-23 - Joshua waged war a long time with all these kings. There was not a city which made peace with the sons of Israel except the Hivites living in Gibeon; they took them all in battle. For it was of the LORD to harden their hearts, to meet Israel in battle in order that he might utterly destroy them, that they might receive no mercy, but that he might destroy them, just as the LORD had commanded Moses. Then Joshua came at that time and cut off the Anakim from the hill country, from Hebron, from Debir, from Anab and from all the hill country of Judah and from all the hill country of Israel. Joshua utterly destroyed them with their cities. There were no Anakim left in the land of the sons of Israel; only in Gaza, in Gath, and in Ashdod some remained. So Joshua took the whole land, according to all that the LORD had spoken to Moses, and Joshua gave it for an inheritance to Israel according to their divisions by their tribes. Thus the land had rest from war.

[All quotes from Biblegateway.org, NASB version; emphasis added].

There were reasons God commanded the annihilation of all of the people in the land He gave to Israel. These days, however, we're afraid to take such drastic steps. It's too harsh, it's too ugly, it's too permanent for our delicate sensibilities. We're more than willing to pay Hollywood to deliver gruesome, bloody and violent movies to our local theaters and video stores, but we can't handle reality.

Israel did not have rest from war until all of its enemies were destroyed. That is the only win.

If you listen to the people actually engaged in fighting this war, and I use the words "actually engaged" for a reason, you will hear exactly the same thing I'm telling you. The only way to win this war is to take the war to the enemy no matter where they go, seek them out and destroy them whenever and wherever we find them. Only then will we be able to rest. Only then will we have peace.

In a recent speech, Hillary Clinton quoted the late Franklin D. Roosevelt. Conveniently, she omitted this portion of Roosevelt's comments: "The United States can accept no result save victory, final and complete . . . The sources of international brutality, wherever they exist, must be absolutely and finally broken . . . We're going to fight it with everything we got."

On May 13, 1940, in his first speech to the House of Commons after becoming Prime Minister of England, Winston Churchill said, "We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering. You ask, what is our policy? I can say: It is to wage war, by sea, land and air, with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us; to wage war against a monstrous tyranny, never surpassed in the dark, lamentable catalogue of human crime. That is our policy. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: It is victory, victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory, however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival."

These men knew war. They knew people. They knew their enemy. We have no idea what we're fighting because we choose not to know.

I got a little far afield from where I started this post - I'm going to Washington to support the men and women who are fighting for our country in Iraq, in Afghanistan, and other arenas all over the world.

Before I leave, I'm going to issue a challenge to anyone who reads this post: if you support the principles I've written about today, I challenge you to pray that God will give victory and peace, as He did for Joshua, and I challenge you to talk about the war. Tell other people. Talk about what these principles mean to you. Talk about the war in its real and essential terms - refuse to give any ideological ground to the subtle enemies who would love to see the United States of America continue its crawl toward ineffectuality. Challenge them about why they believe that people who oppose everything we hold dear, who kill innocents for the sake of killing them, and who have publicly and repeatedly vowed that they will not rest until Israel and its allies are eradicated from the earth should be allowed repeated opportunities to carry out their plans.

If for whatever reason you cannot support the war, I challenge you also to pray. Ask God to intervene - ask Him to protect His people Israel and its allies, and ask Him to bring peace. And I challenge you to talk about peace on all sides - not just U.S. withdrawal from the fight that, if you recall, was brought to our shores.

Regardless of your position on the war, I challenge everyone to listen - really listen - to the what is broadcast by people opposing the war - whether it's on the radio, TV, or the Internet, or in the written news outlets. Listen to their words carefully. Most of what you hear in national and international media is said by people who are professional wordsmiths - people who make their living using language to create an intended result.

Eagles up.

Housekeeping

2007-03-15T19:22:00.000-04:00

It's amazing what you find when you're cleaning things out. I was going through some old emails, trying to diminish the amount of space I was using on the webmail server, and I found a column I'd saved from the Our Daily Bread website back in October of 2003.

In "Been Thinking," Matt DeHaan wrote this about trust:

"Sometimes it helps to break the journey down into small steps. Jesus encouraged us not to worry about tomorrow since today has enough of its own problems (Matthew 6:34). In the weakness of turbulent and unsteady emotions we may need to settle for short steps, the wisdom of the moment (James 1:6), and the present reassurance of the one who says, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you' (Hebrews 13:5)."

It was helpful then, and it's helpful now.

The Cat's Dead

2007-03-13T19:22:00.000-04:00

There's a story - maybe it's a scene from a movie, maybe it's just an email joke making the rounds, but it goes something like this:

This guy decides to leave his cat with his best friend who would come over to the house and live with his mom while he's away. He told his friend, "Just feed the cat three meals a day, and take good care of him." The next day, he phoned his friend and asked, "How are things?" "Everything's fine - your mom is fine, the cat is fine, everything is fine."

The next day, he calls, asking the same questions: "How are things?" "Things are fine." "How's Mom?" "Mom's fine." "How's the cat?" "The cat's DEAD." "WHAT?!? How could you let it die?" "Well, I'm sorry, but I couldn't do anything, I didn't see it. But what I think happened was that the cat was on the roof, fell off, and broke his leg. Then, he hobbled out into the road, and got run over."

The first guy said, "Well, couldn't you have tried to break it to me over time? You could have said it bit by bit. For example, you could have first said 'The cat's on the roof', then the next day said 'The cat fell off the roof, and broke its leg,' you know?" "Yeah, yeah, I get it. See you later." "OK. Bye." He hung up. The next day, he called again. "How are things?" "Things are fine." "How's Mom?" "Um, Mom's on the roof."

Well, the cat's dead - except it isn't a cat - it's someone I used to think was pretty special. And he's not dead; he just has a wedding date set for June 16. Obviously, things didn't turn out as I'd hoped, but I thought that giving it time would make a difference. It made a difference for him - he's getting married in June to a 35-year-old divorcee with 2 kids. His mom was kind enough to give me a "the cat's on the roof" at Christmas - their family newsletter mentioned the engagement (although this is the fourth or more time he's been engaged), so it wasn't a complete shock, but it's still hard.

It helped that I had read this from This Fish, but as comforting as Heather's blog entry was, it didn't quite fit. So, I went looking further and found these excerpts from Corrie Ten Boom's book, "The Hiding Place" that were just what I needed:

(On the prospect of her father's death): "I burst into tears, 'I need you!' I sobbed. 'You can't die! You can't!' 'Corrie,' he began gently. 'When you and I go to Amsterdam, when do I give you your ticket?' 'Why, just before we get on the train.' 'Exactly. And our wise Father in heaven knows when we're going to need things, too. Don't run out ahead of him, Corrie. When the time comes that some of us will have to die, you will look into your heart and find the strength you need – just in time.'”

And then this:

"How long I lay on my bed sobbing for the one love of my life I do not know. I was afraid of what father would say. Afraid he would say, “There'll be someone else soon,” and that forever afterwards this untruth would lie between us. 'Corrie,' he began instead, 'do you know what hurts so very much? It's love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain. There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill the love so that it stops hurting. But then of course part of us dies, too. Or, Corrie, we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel. God loves Karel, even more than you do, and if you ask Him, He will give you His love for this man, a love nothing can prevent, nothing destroy. Whenever we cannot love in the old human way, God can give us the perfect way.'"

It is amazing how God's grace is available for those unexpected (by us) events - those bumps in the road that could derail us from our course. A couple of times in the past, I've been the recipient of that grace - both times, it was completely unexpected, but it was there just the same. This time has been another one - and I am grateful to God for the foundation He's laid in my heart and in my life to prepare me for this just now.

I'm not to the point where I can be happy about it yet, but I think I'm moving in the right direction. All of the "not God's will" reminders are there - I just need to stop and catch my breath.

Sunday Best

2007-03-11T19:23:00.000-04:00

Somewhat like the "third date," the third visit to my new church was fraught with a little trepidation. I know where to sit so that I'm not sitting where other people usually sit - not a big deal, but polite. I know that many of the songs are in the hymn book and some are just on the screen. I know that their men's choir is really good - not "American Idol" good, but the really good local choir of men's voices where the men sing from their hearts and it just sounds wonderful. I know that there are still some lovely older German people in the congregation - men and women for whom English is still their second language - who know what it's like to be new and alone.

At the same time, it's heartbreaking to be doing this alone - this finding a new church family without the comfort of my parents or grandparents sitting in the pew next to me (or behind me). On one hand, when I didn't have a church of my own, it felt like I was still away at college, or just for whatever reason temporarily separated from my family, and that when we were all back together again, everything would go back to normal. This is a step away from that - a step away from that feeling of belonging and that feeling of normalcy with my family before things fell apart.

On the other hand, this might be the right church for me. It might be the place where I make my own family, as one of the lovely older German ladies said this morning. She came to this country and joined this church alone - and the church became her family.

The thing is, I didn't want to do this alone. This is just one of the many things I didn't want to have to do alone! I didn't want to buy a house alone - I wanted to buy a house with a husband, and I wanted us to grow together and raise a family in that house. I wanted us to find a church and join and become members there and watch our children grow from the nursery to the high school and college groups there.

I wanted to be a part of the couples' group - talking about our children and their needs and struggles and activities as a part of a larger whole. I didn't want to end up in the older singles' group - no matter how euphemistically titled - with no one in my past except the ghosts of unfulfilled hopes and dreams. I don't know how to do this indefinitely. I was OK for a while, but as "a while" gets longer and longer, I feel weak instead of empowered, found wanting instead of wanted, rejected instead of independent, lost instead of in control of my life and my destiny.

I put off finding things that were important to me - hid them and disguised their importance to myself and others - because I thought it was somehow nobler to get an education and a good career, instead of expecting to marry and have a husband take care of me. Instead of acknowledging that I wanted to marry and have a family, I joked about going to college for an education instead of an M.R.S. What I've sown, I now reap.

So, I can stay here whining about the life I didn't choose, and which has its own bumps and detours along the way, or I can give the life I have to God - it is what I have, after all - and let Him do what He wants with it.

"Be glad, O people of Zion, rejoice in the Lord your God, for He has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before. The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil. I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten-the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm-My great army that I sent among you. You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will My people be shamed. Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and that there is no other; never again will My people be shamed" (Joel 2:23-27).

Mid-Afternoon Check-Up

2007-03-08T19:23:00.001-05:00

I’m starting to feel a little better on one hand and a little queasier on the other.

Better because the demon-client is being redirected to other people. Queasier because I’m a little apprehensive about how my rejecting this client because they are so evil is going to play with the powers that be. I still stand by my decision - it was interfering with my health (physical and mental), and it had to be done.

I still have to turn the hot water tap off from the basement, unscrew the handle on the thingie under the sink, take the valve out and get 2 more from Home Depot. Then, I can put the whole thing back together, turn the hot water back on and run my dishwasher through its maiden voyage.

I also deleted the shortcut to the Spider Solitaire game today. It was just too freakin’ tempting.

Thursday Thirteen

2007-03-08T19:23:00.000-05:00

I know, I know. It's not an "official" Thursday Thirteen, but it's MY blog. I can do what I want. So there. Too.

Thirteen Things I Am Happy About:

1. My dog, who loves me no matter how crabby I am.
2. My new dishwasher (which I haven't used yet because I still haven't changed the valve).
3. My job - which doesn't suck today.
4. That my job doesn't suck today.
5. Friends at work - I have been so very blessed with and by the people I work with.
6. Regular phone calls with my parents
7. AT & T Unlimited Long Distance - which makes number 6 above possible.
8. Sunshine for 2 days in a row. Yes, we started yesterday with 2-4 inches of snow, but the sunshine makes it worthwhile.
9. A roof over my head - there are people who sleep in boxes or in bus shelters or wherever they can find a place to rest.
10. My car - which is a foreign product but is still the best car I've had since my 1985 Omni. I've called both cars "Timex" cars - because they take a licking and keep on ticking.
11. Spring is coming - less than 2 weeks away - so the days are getting longer, so there is more daylight.
12. My doctor who has prescribed stuff for my allergies and sinus infection, so I can breathe and sleep and do things that I couldn't do earlier this year.
13. Clients that are not mean to me.

Also, thanks to a friend/blogger, I instituted "Chocolate Bar Thursdays" at work for my secretary and her pod-mate (who are also my friends), and it makes me happy and it makes them happy, and it's just been fun to do. So, that's fourteen, but as I said: it's my blog, so I can do what I want. :)

Moody Blues

2007-03-06T15:30:00.000-05:00

Not really sure what this is. Started this morning just fine - woke up (albeit late), went to work, was very productive. Got a fish sandwich for lunch at Wendy's directly because of the stupid fish commercial on my way home to take my little puppy-boy outside for a walk to enjoy the sunshine before it snows (AGAIN with the snow!! Enough already!). Came back to work, and PFFLBBTTT! Nothing. No ambition, no motivation, no ganas, nothing. If it weren't for the fact that I have no money other than what I make at my job, I would go home in a New-York-minute (which is just as long as a regular minute, but it has attitude).

I just don't want to do this anymore - but I can't think of anything else I want to do, either. Wait - yes, I can: Soak in a jacuzzi tub; get a massage, spa pedicure and manicure; sleep; vacuum all of the floors in my condo without my dog trying to bite the beater brush; lay on a beach someplace warm and have a nice breeze blowing just enough to keep me from passing out from heat exhaustion, as long as there are fences on either side and as long as there are no sharks or other sea critters to eat my dog. Yep. I'd rather do those things than this.

My Week In Review

2007-03-05T19:25:00.000-05:00

They installed my dishwasher on Saturday. :) It looks wonderful compared to the other one, but I haven’t used it yet because the valve for the hot water connection is still leaking a bit and I don’t want to blow a valve and have water everywhere. Turns out, the one that had been in there before (for apparently decades) was a portable! Yep. They took the top off an old portable dishwasher and ... jury-rigged it as a built-in. That certainly explains the fake oak panel on the front!! Because it wasn't intended to be a built-in dishwasher, it took the installation guys an hour to do what would otherwise have been a 15-20 minute job. (Sigh!)

I’m going to check the valve again at noon. If it’s still leaking, I’m going to go down in the basement and turn off the hot water and then take the valve apart and get 2 new valves – one for the one I know I need to replace and one for the other one. Then, I can replace the valve, check it to make sure it doesn’t leak, and then run the dishwasher. The guys who installed it tested it, so it should be fine, but I will feel more comfortable using it if I have a new valve that doesn’t leak.

Of course, once I got the new dishwasher in, the hardware on the cabinets didn’t look right. The new dishwasher has a stainless steel-looking front panel, which totally clashed with the 1970s country oak look, so I went to Home Depot and bought a new brushed pewter looking one and tried it out. It looked very nice with the new dishwasher, so I replaced all 24 handles (at $4/each, that was about $98). Now that the handles are in, the cupboards don’t look too bad. I probably will still strip them and stain them a cherry color, but they look OK for now.

Frankly, everything looks OK. I will need to replace my refrigerator in the next year or so, but I’m hoping I can hold off on that until next year. The refrigerator is about 18 years old, and it's making those noises. I had to disconnect the ice maker because it was leaking all over the floor, but that wasn't a big deal because I never used the ice anyway. Once I replace the refrigerator, I will probably replace the stove, since if I don't, it's going to feel left out anyway. The floor will be replaced eventually, too, once I decide what I want to replace it with. Then, of course, the walls will need to be painted - and then the light fixtures....... All because of a dishwasher.

Right now, however, the only problem is the water coming down into the window well. I think it’s leaking into the basement, which makes me so mad. When they redid the sump pump overflow thing, they directed the overflow right back toward the foundation – which was SO galactically stupid! – and the water had no place to go but right down into the window well (and thus right into my basement).

Once that matter gets resolved, I will have no choice but to fold laundry and put it away. Euwww. That’s going to require alcohol, I think.

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Those Who Threaten Them

2007-02-28T19:06:00.000-05:00

Move America Forward is doing a national caravan from California (leaving on Thursday, March 8, 2007) to Washington, D.C. where they will join "The Gathering of Eagles" for a giant pro-troop rally on Saturday March 17, 2007.

Individuals and groups are invited to join them for part of the route or the entire caravan, or to attend one of their patriotic pro-troop rallies across the nation. At each stop they are asking participants to bring an American Flag (homemade or store-bought), which they will pack with the caravan and take it to Washington, D.C. They will use the flags to create a giant "Flag City" - a sea of red, white and blue patriotism to surround our war memorials and show that we will not turn our backs on our troops as they serve bravely overseas. Children can make homemade flags, people who knit can knit a flag, or you can bring a flag that has special meaning or significance to you, because these flags are going to be given to troops serving in Iraq and Afghanistan.

I will be flying to D.C. to join my sister and others at the rally on March 17th. I've been thinking about it for a couple of weeks, but I didn't decide until this morning. My sister sent me a copy of an article by Michelle Malkin at http://www.jewishworldreview.com/michelle/malkin022807.php3. I wrote and asked if she was going, and then I just invited myself along. :)

The other thing is, there is a caravan driving from California to D.C. that week. There will be stops along the way, so if you are close to one of the caravan's stops, they can use all the support and help they can get. Go to www.moveamericaforward.org for more information on the caravan, or to www.gatheringofeagles.org for more information on the rally itself.

Unpardonable Sin

2007-02-25T19:06:00.000-05:00

I don't know if you have heard of this, but my dad told me about this blasphemy project that is encouraging young people to blaspheme on video. This is from Challenge Blasphemy's website:

ChallengeBlasphemy.com was created in response to BlasphemyChallenge.com; a website designed to target the faith of people all around the world. However, the site is mostly directed at teens. People are being asked to post videos in which they deny the existence of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. By doing this, they are told they are committing the “unforgivable sin”. Blasphemy Challenge has promised to give the first 1001 people who post these videos a free DVD called “ The God Who Wasn’t There.”

Challenge Blasphemy is issuing several challenges to Christians and non-Christians worldwide!

It's simple. You record a short message answering the given challenge, and then you simply upload it to YouTube, and then challengeblasphemy.com will post your video on this website.

It's that easy.

Here's What You Do:

You can make your video however you would like, but somewhere in your video you must answer one or more of our given challenges.

Once you have shot your video, just follow these two easy steps: 1. Go to this link on YouTube to upload your video as a Video Response to the Challenge Blasphemy. You can log in or register on that page if necessary. Then if you could please type in the URL www.challengeblasphemy.com somewhere in the text description when you upload your video.

2. When the video appears on YouTube, send the URL to this email address: contact@challengeblasphemy.com.

That's it.

We are certain that people who took the blasphemy challenge, have not committed the 'unforgivable sin' and we are standing for Christ, as blasphemy challenge attempts to steal the hope of salvation!

[End quote].

I can't tell you how horrified I was about the "blasphemy challenge" when I first heard about it. The idea of anyone distorting the Word of God in a way deliberately designed to draw people away from the hope of salvation took me to tears. There's a reason for that which I may share another day, but how truly evil!!

My first reaction was tears - my second was prayer that God would not allow young people to be corrupted by that project, that He would protect kids who didn't know what kind of evil they had stumbled upon, and that He would stop this organization. After I'd prayed, slept on it, and did some research, I felt a little better, but the lawyer in me wondered whether the "project" had any legal merit.

I remembered that Satan is a liar and the father of lies, and that he loves to twist God's words to try to get human beings to lose their way. That was his tactic in the Garden of Eden, and he's used it quite effectively since then.

I started doing a little more study about the "unpardonable" sin, and I found this on Bible.org:

Question:
What is the unpardonable sin?

Answer:
Matthew 12:31 Therefore I say to you, any sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven men, but blasphemy against the Spirit shall not be forgiven.” [Ed. Note: There also are references in Mark and Luke].

The unpardonable sin is the sin of rejection. The unpardonable sin is defined as blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, because when Christ was on earth, the religious leaders were attributing his miracles to demonic powers when in fact they were the product of the Holy Spirit working in the life of Christ (Matt. 12:12-32). This demonstrated a heart that had become so hard that it precluded repentance because Christ’s words and works were a clear evidence of the ministry of the Holy Spirit in Him as the Anointed One, the Messiah of the Old Testament. To reject Christ and claim His works were from Satan was a clear evidence of both unbelief and an unrepentant heart. That’s why it was considered unpardonable.

The one sin that is unforgivable is unbelief or rejection of Christ. Note in the passage quoted below that the convicting work of the Spirit is related to giving demonstrable proof that it is the sin of rejection that is the issue.

8 And He (the HS), when He comes, will convict the world concerning sin, and righteousness, and judgment; 9 concerning sin, because they do not believe in Me; 10 and concerning righteousness, because I go to the Father, and you no longer behold Me; 11 and concerning judgment, because the ruler of this world has been judged (John 16:8-11).

[End quote].

I also found this commentary passage at Biblegateway.org:

"The equivalent today would be someone who remained so committed to rejecting Christ that she determined to find alternative explanations for any obvious proof (such as miracles) attesting him. Even in what seems to be that case, however, Paul exhorts one of his students and coworkers to remember that we humans cannot judge who has forever crossed that line (1 Tim 1:12-20). Not uncommonly young Christians read about the "unforgivable sin" and fear they have committed it. We therefore must reiterate the point in this context: the sin is unforgivable only because it reflects a heart too hard to repent. Those who desire to repent, troubled by the fear that they may have committed this sin, plainly have not committed it!"

That was what I thought, because once Jesus died and rose from the dead, the concept that there would even be one sin that His blood couldn't atone for would call into question the efficacy of His entire substitutionary death, burial and resurrection, but it was nice to see it put into such simple and understandable language. The time for accepting His sacrifice is before death, because "it is appointed unto men once to die, and then the judgment," but while there is life, there is hope.

"God wanted to make known to them the glorious riches of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. We proclaim him by instructing and teaching all people with all wisdom so that we may present every person mature in Christ." Colossians 1:27-28 (NIV).

Thanks be to God for His remarkable gift!!

New shoes

2007-02-23T19:07:00.000-05:00

Because it's Friday, and because I got the remaining items I'd ordered in the mail a couple of days ago, I am happy. I have nice new shoes that don't have scuffed heels or toes, and I'm wearing a freshly dry-cleaned sweater with my nice new skirt that is long enough, and everything matches!! :)

The only thing that would make this day perfect is if I could be not sick anymore. I have the standard "expected to be useless" appointment with my doctor on Tuesday. She is actually very good; it's my stupid symptoms that render her advice generally useless. I have nothing that couldn't be cured with a week on a beach someplace very warm and breezy, with lots of peace and quiet and sunshine to bake the crud out of my system. Unfortunately, she hasn't prescribed that yet.....

Impatience

2007-02-22T19:07:00.000-05:00

I know it's not that critical to life as I know it, but doggone it, why haven't the dishwasher installation guys called? They're supposed to call to schedule the installation of my new dishwasher (since I am ready to tear the old one out of the kitchen with my bare hands and strew its pieces across the lawn), and they haven't called yet.

Reconciliation

2007-02-21T19:08:00.000-05:00

Thinking about the post from yesterday, I started wondering about the words "reconcile" and "reconciliation." Merriam-Webster defines "reconcile" as:

1 a : to restore to friendship or harmony b : SETTLE; RESOLVE
2 : to make consistent or congruous ;
3 : to cause to submit to or accept something unpleasant ;
4 a : to check (a financial account) against another for accuracy b : to account for intransitive verb : to become reconciled.

I thought it interesting that two of the four definitions assume an objective referent - "to make consistent or congruous" and "to check against another for accuracy."

Two of the definitions seem to have arisen by usage, but the other two were intriguing because of the use of the words "reconcile" and "reconciliation" and "to become reconciled" in Scripture. Depending on which definition you use, you could really screw up your theology.

The words are used in Scripture in three places that I could find on NETBible; I am citing the New American Standard Bible (NASB) because of the various versions out there, it's the more linguistically accurate:

Job 22:21
"Yield now and be at peace with Him; Thereby good will come to you."
Eph 2:16
"and might reconcile them both in one body to God through the cross, by it having put to death the enmity."
Col 1:20
"and through Him to reconcile all things to Himself, having made peace through the blood of His cross; through Him, I say, whether things on earth or things in heaven."

The verse citation to Job came from the New International Version (NIV). It's technically a decent translation, but it's "tweaked" to make it more understandable. I don't like it as well as the NASB, but that's 'cuz my brain is wired for linguistics and "getting it right."

The Hebrew word used in that verse is translated "reconcile" in the NIV and "yield" in the NASB. In neither of those words is the concept that there is any "settlement" or "negotiation" - it's a take-it-or-leave-it proposition for the one who is doing the yielding or reconciling. Too often we use the term "reconcile" to imply a concession on both sides. In the theological sense, the sole concession on God's side was His willingness to accept Christ's blood in lieu of our own. For us to escape the penalty of death (i.e., eternal separation from God), we must accept God's terms. There are no other negotiations.

There are 2 Greek words in the New Testament for "reconcile": apokatallasso and diallasso.

"Apokatallasso" means 1) to reconcile completely, 2) to reconcile back again, 3) bring back a former state of harmony. "Diallasso" means 1) to change, 2) to change the mind of anyone, to reconcile, 3) to be reconciled, to renew friendship with one.

In a way, these words add to our understanding of why the need to accept God's terms is on us. "Apokatallasso" carries with it the original state of man - one in which Adam and Eve talked with God directly, had daily fellowship with Him and enjoyed His company. The reconciliation with God carries with it a sense of that renewal of harmony between two parties who are estranged because of the actions (sin) of one of them.

"Diallasso" also adds the realization that for us to become reconciled to God, we need to change - we need to change our minds (as Paul reminds us in Romans 12:2, when he says we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds) and we need to take the steps that are necessary to renew our friendship with God. No matter how you parse it out, the act of reconciliation with God is that we move closer to God by accepting His terms - He doesn't change His ways to suit us or to entice us to come back to Him.

I hear people talk and sing about being a friend of God - it sounds a bit presumptuous to me, although I remember singing a similar hymn or two in my childhood like, "what a friend we have in Jesus" and "Jesus is my friend..." The difference is probably not obvious to a lot of people, but the earlier hymns are describing Jesus's being our friend, and the basis for that is that He loved us enough to lay down His life for us. How many of us can say that we are truly His friend, when we can't even lay down the remote control for Him? Just a thought.....

Anyway, that was where yesterday's post led me this morning.

I should also mention that I finally got to church this past Sunday - after almost a year of not going anywhere - and I'm cautiously optimistic.

A Matter of Perspective

2007-02-20T19:08:00.000-05:00

A 41-year-old woman goes into a Magnolia’s Mystery* store in her local mall. She selects a few items, heads toward the dressing room and almost walks into a man coming out of the dressing room area.

“What is that man doing in the dressing rooms?” she asks a saleswoman.

“Oh, don’t mind him,” the saleswoman says calmly. “He’s an employee.”

“Well, what is he doing in the dressing rooms?” she asks again.

“I told you – he’s an employee.”

“Well, I don’t want him in the dressing room – I’m going to be in there trying on bras, and I don’t want him in there.”

“The idea that a man can’t work in the fitting room and not leer at the customers, not start panting with lust, is beyond insulting; it's ignorant! What kind of hate-monger are you?” the saleswoman fumed.

“What difference does it make if I hate men or not? I just don’t want them in the dressing room when I’m taking my clothes off! I’m supposed to give up my rights just because you didn’t have the sense to hire a woman? I’d feel the same way if you had a lesbian in the dressing room – it isn’t about them, it’s about my right to determine who might see me without my clothes on!”

“Just for that, we’re going to take away your Magnolia’s Mystery credit card! We don’t want to do business with someone as bigoted as you!”

[End scene].

*Magnolia's Mystery is a renaming of a famous women's lingerie store..... :)

Sound familiar? I know, it’s a bit of stretch. But think about it: don’t men have as much “right” to work in “Magnolia’s Mystery” or anywhere else that sells women’s clothes? By the same token, Tim Hardaway – agree with him or not – has the right to express his opinion about who he shares a locker room with.

The problem we get into whenever we tackle these topics is the difference between state and action, and by “state” I mean “who (or what) you are” as opposed to “what you do.” (I could have said “who you do” but that would have been a) poor grammar, and b) poor taste….)

People on both sides of the discussion miss a very important point: there is no question that God hates, and the Bible rightfully condemns, homosexuality. Anyone who disagrees with me should read Romans 1 and any number of other passages I could point to. [While I’m on the subject, heterosexual sexual behavior between people who aren’t married to each other is just as bad – and no, there is no “exception” if you’re “really in love” with the person you’re having sex with.]

What we miss is the fact that God hates all sin – not just homosexuality. He hates lying (even the little white ones), cheating, stealing, murder, envy, lust, gluttony, disobedience to parents and rebellion against His authority – just to name a few. All of those behaviors and attitudes are sin that God hates – not just homosexuality.

But in spite of our status as sinners by nature and by choice, God loves us so much that He sent His only Son to pay for our sin with His own blood.

Think about it. God hates sin so much that He requires blood (death), but He loved us so much that He, through His Son Jesus Christ, volunteered to pay that penalty for us so we could be reconciled to Him.

Here’s the thing, though. Maybe because we’re sinful human beings, maybe because we’re lazy, or maybe because we haven’t been taught, we equate hating the sin with hating the sinner. If you really think about that, it’s like hating your child because he disobeyed you.

What reasonably normal mother would tell her, say, 16-year-old child, “I hate you! I don’t even want to be in the same room with you! You disgust me!” just because he stole money from her purse, got drunk and ran the family car into a tree? Would the mother be angry? Sure! Would there be consequences for the child? Absolutely! But would the mother’s love be extinguished? I would hope not – maybe in some families, yes, which is sad, but likely not.

Here’s the thing, though: as humans, we can understand the difference between being angry with a child for doing things like I’ve described or worse, and still loving the child and wanting what is best for the child. How much more does God, who is perfect and therefore loves perfectly, feel the same way? It is not inconsistent to say, on one hand, that God hates homosexuality and on the other that He nevertheless loves the homosexual.

Going on with that thought, does the mother who loves the child who steals money from her purse, gets drunk and runs the family car into the tree want her child to continue doing those things? Not at all! Why? Because those behaviors are dangerous for the child, harm the family unit, and are illegal in most states. The mother doesn’t sit around wishing or lobbying for laws that will allow the child to have an endless supply of money, alcohol and motor vehicles so that the child can continue his or her behavior.

God’s will for us as human beings is that we will become reconciled to Him (by our acceptance of the gift of forgiveness through Jesus Christ), that we will be holy as He is holy, and that we will tell other people about how they can become reconciled to God, so that we can all enjoy a relationship with Him.

We can’t do that if we sit around redefining sin so that it doesn’t offend anyone. I don’t agree with Tim Hardaway’s hatred of homosexuals – I don’t think they’re right, but I don’t think hatred of homosexuals is right either. We can hate the sin without hating the sinner. But at the same time, by refusing to call sin “sin”, we’re blocking the path for people to come to God. Regardless of our “sincerity”, lying to people about what the Bible says is as much sin as homosexuality.

Balancing Act

2007-02-14T19:09:00.000-05:00

If you've ever been a waiter or waitress, you learned how to carry stuff on a tray. The trick to not dumping the entire thing on the floor is to focus on your destination - not your feet, or the stuff on the tray, or people around you.

As I was driving back from Flint this morning, I realized that the same trick for not spilling a tray of food onto innocent people is valuable for other things in life as well. Focusing on your goals keeps you from dropping all of the things you take with you en route. How else can you explain the drive and success rates of parents who return to school while holding down a full-time job and raising a family?

Focusing on the stuff on your tray, however, means that you drop things. Or, that you whine about how much you have to carry. The end result is the same: you don't get where you're going, and you aren't as efficient, effective or fun to work with as those people who sail through the room, their trays loaded with stuff, joking and smiling and generally making life a better place to be.

That's what I want to do this year. I know it might be a little late for new year's resolutions, but I'm going to make this one anyway.

Today's Inbox

2007-02-13T19:10:00.000-05:00

This was in my email inbox today, and I was so moved I decided to a) check the source to verify, and b) copy the whole thing to get this out to anyone who happens to wander over here. The original post with comments by the author can be found here. Hats off to J.D. Pendry. This is an amazing composition!! (I apologize for any errors - please visit retired Sgt. Major Pendry's site to see his comments on this post, as well as his other articles).

On Your Hands

Our God and soldiers we alike adore,
Ev’n at the brink of danger; not before;
After deliverance, both alike requited,
Our God’s forgotten, and our soldiers slighted. – Frances Quarles, 1632

******************

Jimmy Carter, you’re the father of the Islamic Nazi movement. You threw the Shah under the bus, welcomed the Ayatollah home and then lacked the spine to confront the terrorists when they took our embassy and our people hostage. You’re the runner-in-chief.

Bill Clinton, you played ring around the Lewinsky while the terrorists were at war with us. You got us into a fight with them in Somalia, and then you ran from it. Your weak-willed responses emboldened the killers. Each time you failed to respond adequately they grew bolder, until 9/11.

John Kerry, dishonesty is your most prominent attribute. You lied about American Soldiers in Vietnam. Your military service, like your life, is more fiction than fact. You’ve accused our Soldiers of terrorizing women and children in Iraq. You called Iraq the wrong war, wrong place, wrong time, the same words you used to describe Vietnam. You’re a fake. You want to run from Iraq and abandon the Iraqis to murderers just as you did the Vietnamese. Iraq, like Vietnam is another war that you were for, before you were against it.

John Murtha, you said our military was broken. You said we can’t win militarily in Iraq. You accused United States Marines of cold-blooded murder without proof. And said we should redeploy to Okinawa. Okinawa John? And the Democrats call you their military expert. Are you sure you didn’t suffer a traumatic brain injury while you were off building your war hero resume? You’re a sad, pitiable, corrupt and washed up politician. You’re not a Marine sir. You wouldn’t amount to a pimple on a real Marines butt. You’re a phony and a disgrace. Run away John.

Dick Durbin, you accused our Soldiers at Guantanimo of being Nazis, tenders of Soviet style gulags and as bad as the regime of Pol Pot who murdered two million of his own people after your party abandoned South East Asia to the Communists. Now you want to abandon the Iraqis to the same fate. History was not a good teacher for you, was it? See Dick run.

Ted Kennedy, for days on end you held poster sized pictures from Abu Grhaib in front of any available television camera. Al Jazeera quoted you saying that Iraq’s torture chambers were open under new management. Did you see the news this week Teddy? The Islamic Nazis demonstrated real torture for you again. If you truly supported our troops, you’d show the world poster-sized pictures of that atrocity and demand the annihilation of the perpetrators of it. Your legislation stripping support from the South Vietnamese led to a communist victory there. You’re a bloated fool bent on repeating the same historical blunder that turned freedom-seeking people over to homicidal, genocidal maniacs. To paraphrase John Murtha, all while sitting on your wide, gin-soaked rear-end in Washington.

Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Carl Levine, Barbara Boxer, Diane Feinstein, Russ Feingold, Hillary Clinton, Pat Leahy, Chuck Schumer et al ad nauseam. Every time you stand in front of television cameras and broadcast to the Islamic Nazis that we went to war because our President lied. That the war is wrong and our Soldiers are torturers. That we should leave Iraq, you give the Islamic butchers – the same ones that tortured and mutilated American Soldiers - cause to think that we’ll run away again and all they have to do is hang on a little longer.

American news media, the New York Times particularly. Each time you publish stories about national defense secrets and our intelligence gathering methods, you become one with the sub-human pieces of camel dung that torture and mutilate the bodies of American Soldiers. You can’t strike up the courage to publish cartoons, but you can help Al Qaeda destroy my country. Actually, you are more dangerous to us than Al Qaeda is. Think about that each time you face Mecca to admire your Pulitzer.

You are America’s axis of idiots. Your Collective Stupidity will destroy us. Self-serving politics and terrorist abetting news scoops are more important to you than our national security or the lives of innocent civilians and Soldiers. It bothers you that defending ourselves gets in the way of your elitist sport of politics and your ignorant editorializing. There is as much blood on your hands as is on the hands of murdering terrorists. Don’t ever doubt that. Your frolics will only serve to extend this war as they extended Vietnam. If you want our Soldiers home, as you claim, knock off the crap and try supporting your country ahead of supporting your silly political aims and aiding our enemies. Yes, I’m questioning your patriotism. Your loyalty ends with self. I’m also questioning why you’re stealing air that decent Americans could be breathing. You don’t deserve the protection of our men and women in uniform. You need to run away from this war – this country. Leave the war to the people who have the will to see it through and the country to people who are willing to defend it.

No Commander in Chief, you don’t get off the hook either. Our country has two enemies. Those who want to destroy us from the outside and those who attempt it from within. Your Soldiers are dealing with the outside force. It’s your obligation to support them by confronting the axis of idiots. America must hear it from you that these people are harming our country, abetting the enemy and endangering our safety. Well up a little anger please, and channel it toward the appropriate target. You must prosecute those who leak national security secrets to the media. You must prosecute those in the media who knowingly publish those secrets. Our Soldiers need you to confront the enemy that they cannot.

They need you to do it now.

Copyright © J.D. Pendry 2006

One man's jerk is another man's pit bull.....

2007-02-12T19:10:00.000-05:00

Aaahhh, the arrogance of perspective.

One of the current catch-phrases of the practice of law is that we are to maintain civility - hard to accomplish in advocacy at times, but that's the goal. It isn't a legal obligation - which is probably just as well since it can be difficult to legislate nuance - but for whatever reason, the United States District Court for the Eastern District of Michigan thinks enough of the concept of civility to adopt "civility principles" which include directives on how attorneys and judges ought to behave. These apparently are only suggestions.

One of the principles I dealt with today reads, "We will consult other counsel regarding scheduling matters in a good-faith effort to avoid scheduling conflicts." So explain to me how this warrants another attorney - who seems to have a problem with losing to a girl - arbitrarily scheduling depositions without any prior notice or consultation with me about the date?

In trying to sort this out - which took 2 hours, thank you very much!! - I did what any other smart attorney would do when faced with a brick wall: I climbed over his head. Granted, his senior partner didn't help much, but at least I got the date he had scheduled these depositions.

Which just goes to show you: one man's jerk is another man's pit bull. This guy is getting rewarded for being a you-know-what, so he keeps doing it. Civility be damned.

I said that he seems to have a problem with losing to a girl because I've beaten him - twice - in this case. On top of that, the judge denied part of his request for fees. So not only did he get beaten by a girl - I LOVE saying that!! :) - but he lost money, too.

[I should point out that technically, he lost because he tried to force his clients' creditors to accept what his clients felt like paying in a bankruptcy case, and the judge wouldn't approve any of his multiple proposals. Still, it's fun to say "he got beaten by a girl...." If I could, I'd dance around and sing it: "You got beat by a giiiiirrrrl! You got beat by a giiiiirrrrl! (in a sing-song, playground voice)"]

What was the title of my post again?? :)

One of Those Days.....

2007-02-08T19:12:00.000-05:00

Work is a four-letter word for a reason.

I talked to someone yesterday who very candidly told me that he worked because he could make money doing it. He doesn't really like his job, although he doesn't hate it. What he most enjoys about it is that his kids work with him in his business, so he gets to see them every day and watch them grow and develop in their skills and business sense.

In a way, that was the most refreshing conversation I've had with anyone in decades.

Why is it that there is such pressure to demonstrate that one's chosen career is enjoyable? Is it because of the sacrifices a career demands and we want to justify our choices? Or is it because most of us aren't wealthy enough to tell the truth when we're asked the question, "do you like what you do?"

Why do I do what I do? Do I like my job? Does it really matter if I do?

I suppose I do this job because it's the one in which I can make the most money just by doing what I have been trained to do. Most days, I'm OK with my job. On some days, I really love it; on others, I barely tolerate it. I don't suppose it matters to anyone but me if I like my job - sure, it probably makes life at work more tolerable for those with whom I work if I like my job. Nobody likes to work around a grouch.

There are other things I could do, and do very well, but I don't do them. Instead, I work day after day at a job that, while it offers some good things, nevertheless sucks the life out of me a little bit at a time. I come home at the end of the day drained - I get up later than I should because I really don't want to go to work, and then I don't sleep well because of the accumulated stress.

My weekends are MY time - they're the only time I can sleep late, relax with my dog, do errands and chores and generally re-charge my batteries, but I have a certain amount of face-time to commit to the office to make my billable hour quota and to demonstrate the level of commitment I have to the firm and its goals.

The thing is, I feel trapped. Trapped by the need for the income stream the job provides to pay existing obligations and to plan for the future, trapped by the mantle of accomplishment and "success" a law degree and a good job convey. Yes, I could just walk away - I could walk away, sell my condo (although probably not that successfully in this market), get a job that pays less, move into something smaller (renting, probably, rather than buying), and "trade down", but that is only noble in the movies.

Reality still intrudes.

What really makes all of this effort worthwhile?

The one who dies with the most toys still dies. How do you make time to enjoy life when the treadmill keeps increasing in speed and difficulty? I've tried jumping off periodically, but I don't have the energy to catch up that I used to have, and it seems a more efficient use of my energy to try to stay on the same treadmill instead of jumping from one to another.

Plus, the older I get, the less likely it is that I will find one I like - there are so many people out there looking. Younger, with more energy and more sense of who they are and what they want than I ever had. And the thing is, they get it! When I was growing up, I learned that you paid your dues by succeeding at stuff that nobody else wanted to do, and then you got rewarded with better assignments and more money.

Nowadays, kids - KIDS!! - look at you and say, "I'm not doing that" and they go someplace else where they get to do what they want for more money. They get rewarded for being selective instead of doing the work. What happened to paying dues?

Anyway.

I started this with the heading "one of those days." That's just what it is, and it will pass.