For no reason I can fathom, I started reading Francis Schaeffer's "Back to Freedom and Dignity" again. Finished it, actually, a couple of times (it's a small pamphlet - maybe 30 pages, tops).
The weird part is, after I finished it, I felt like something in my soul just "woke up." If you've ever almost killed a plant by neglect, and then you decide to water it (just in case), you know how some plants can revive almost visibly when they get that water: that transformation from an almost lifeless, shrivelled, dry twig to lush greenery (captured and displayed in time-lapse photography!) is what it felt like.
Of course, there may be a bit more to it than that - I got an idea for a novel as a result, and the combination of the ideas presented in the booklet and the possibility of a prospective research/writing project was probably the juice that got my motor going again.
The other side of the experience was the realization that as much as I love to read and love to discuss what I read with other people, I am nowhere nearly as widely or deeply read as I wish I were, and the only person I have to thank for that is myself.
So, I am going to start a reading list - not of what I am reading, but of what I would like to read (or think I should read), in addition to those things I read "just for the halibut."
It's almost like my body and my mind are finally on the same page: both flabby and both tired of it. We'll see how long this lasts...... :)
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Resolutions
I know it's no longer New Year's - it is, in fact, almost 5 months past New Year's. I'm still in the mood for resolutions, and I've narrowed it to the following:
1. Lose the 40 pounds I've put on in the past 2 years by:
a. Getting more and more regular exercise (including renewing my running program, going to the gym, and taking time to stretch)
b. Eating healthier things - snacks are going to have to be part of the program, but I will buy healthier options than Pop-Tarts and chocolate chips.
c. Getting more and more regular sleep - falling asleep on the couch at 1:00 a.m. after watching yet another couple of "Sex and the City" re-runs on UPN does not cut it.
2. Simplify and organize my living space
3. Make time in my schedule to spend time with family and friends - they are too important to me to just give them the leftovers.
4. Make and keep the commitment to regularly attend church.
That's it. I have to say that I really appreciate the new friends I've met online through their blogs, and I totally enjoy rummaging around online, but I have to make time for other things in my life to avoid turning into that 800-pound single woman who has to be lifted out of her house with a crane.
To a certain extent, this came about because I thought about going back to school for a Ph.D. The fact that it would take 12 semesters at 9 credit hours each, plus a year to defend the doctoral dissertation I would have to figure out how and about what to write, led me to the conclusion that at this point in my life, that wasn't a great idea, but it also prompted me to look at my schedule (as I was trying to figure out when I would have time for this).
I realized that the only person forcing me to spend so much time alone was me. Yes, I work long hours, and I go home to my dog and the TV, but I can make other choices that will get me out of the house (even with the dog) and involved in other people's lives, too.
It's harder to socialize when you're single, unless you like going to bars or you have the time and money to go to other places (most of which don't allow pets) to meet other people. I realized that as I thought about ways I could improve my practice - getting new clients, strengthening relationships with existing clients, etec.
The skills one uses to build client relationships are socialization and social skills - skills I've let get rusty because I really hate moving out of my comfort zone. I realized that even though I don't know and have never met any of the characters in the various TV shows I watch (which lately hasn't been that many, but that's beside the point), I stick to those habits because they are familiar.
I know Carrie's sense of humor, I cringe when Ray Barrone and his wife jab at each other, I silently encourage the guys on CSI (any city) or NCIS to get bad guys - it's all familiar and comforting in its reliability. As long as I hold the remote, those characters are going to be there as scheduled. None of them will make unrealistic demands, and none of them will leave (unless the station messes with the schedule).
It's just not enough - it was fun for a time, as I got somewhat settled into a new environment, and adjusted to different responsibilities, but I think I'm ready to move on. Hence the resolutions!
If you've made any mid-year resolutions yourself, tell me about them. Maybe we can encourage each other in our respective pursuits and go from there!! Have a great weekend!
1. Lose the 40 pounds I've put on in the past 2 years by:
a. Getting more and more regular exercise (including renewing my running program, going to the gym, and taking time to stretch)
b. Eating healthier things - snacks are going to have to be part of the program, but I will buy healthier options than Pop-Tarts and chocolate chips.
c. Getting more and more regular sleep - falling asleep on the couch at 1:00 a.m. after watching yet another couple of "Sex and the City" re-runs on UPN does not cut it.
2. Simplify and organize my living space
3. Make time in my schedule to spend time with family and friends - they are too important to me to just give them the leftovers.
4. Make and keep the commitment to regularly attend church.
That's it. I have to say that I really appreciate the new friends I've met online through their blogs, and I totally enjoy rummaging around online, but I have to make time for other things in my life to avoid turning into that 800-pound single woman who has to be lifted out of her house with a crane.
To a certain extent, this came about because I thought about going back to school for a Ph.D. The fact that it would take 12 semesters at 9 credit hours each, plus a year to defend the doctoral dissertation I would have to figure out how and about what to write, led me to the conclusion that at this point in my life, that wasn't a great idea, but it also prompted me to look at my schedule (as I was trying to figure out when I would have time for this).
I realized that the only person forcing me to spend so much time alone was me. Yes, I work long hours, and I go home to my dog and the TV, but I can make other choices that will get me out of the house (even with the dog) and involved in other people's lives, too.
It's harder to socialize when you're single, unless you like going to bars or you have the time and money to go to other places (most of which don't allow pets) to meet other people. I realized that as I thought about ways I could improve my practice - getting new clients, strengthening relationships with existing clients, etec.
The skills one uses to build client relationships are socialization and social skills - skills I've let get rusty because I really hate moving out of my comfort zone. I realized that even though I don't know and have never met any of the characters in the various TV shows I watch (which lately hasn't been that many, but that's beside the point), I stick to those habits because they are familiar.
I know Carrie's sense of humor, I cringe when Ray Barrone and his wife jab at each other, I silently encourage the guys on CSI (any city) or NCIS to get bad guys - it's all familiar and comforting in its reliability. As long as I hold the remote, those characters are going to be there as scheduled. None of them will make unrealistic demands, and none of them will leave (unless the station messes with the schedule).
It's just not enough - it was fun for a time, as I got somewhat settled into a new environment, and adjusted to different responsibilities, but I think I'm ready to move on. Hence the resolutions!
If you've made any mid-year resolutions yourself, tell me about them. Maybe we can encourage each other in our respective pursuits and go from there!! Have a great weekend!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
6 Things Meme
6 weird facts/things/habits about myself:
1. I sometimes start lists and don't finish them because I get bogged down in the subdivisions between items.
a. This includes projects
2. When I buy ice cream, I buy it in the smallest possible packages because once it's open, it's gone.
3. I don't make my bed.
4. I occasionally cut my own hair instead of going to the hairdresser because I decide I hate it at times when the beauty shops are closed.
5. I have cataract lens implants in both eyes (and I'm not over the age of 65).
6. When I was a kid, I wanted to be on Merv Griffen.
As for tagging 6 more people, I'm not sure I even know 6 people (who haven't already been tagged), so I will leave it up for volunteers. If you do, I would like to read about your 6 things, too. Enjoy!
(One of these days, I'm going to look up the definition of "meme" and memorize it!)
1. I sometimes start lists and don't finish them because I get bogged down in the subdivisions between items.
a. This includes projects
2. When I buy ice cream, I buy it in the smallest possible packages because once it's open, it's gone.
3. I don't make my bed.
4. I occasionally cut my own hair instead of going to the hairdresser because I decide I hate it at times when the beauty shops are closed.
5. I have cataract lens implants in both eyes (and I'm not over the age of 65).
6. When I was a kid, I wanted to be on Merv Griffen.
As for tagging 6 more people, I'm not sure I even know 6 people (who haven't already been tagged), so I will leave it up for volunteers. If you do, I would like to read about your 6 things, too. Enjoy!
(One of these days, I'm going to look up the definition of "meme" and memorize it!)
Recipe for Change
As you know, Alcoholics Anonymous has a wonderful program to assist anyone who wants to recover from alcohol addiction. The program has been modified appropriately to treat other addictions such as drugs, food and sex.
It dawned on me this morning as I shut the alarm clock off for the eleventy-first time that I need is a workaholics anonymous program, but the difficulty is that I can't just go waltzing in to the office and say "I'm going to have to restrict my working hours because I just can't keep this up."
A) First, they would laugh in my face, and then B) they would then point to the total number of hours they all work and remind me that I'm getting paid to work those same hours. Finally, C) they would tell me that I have a choice whether to work there or not, but if I choose to do so, I need to work the hours they tell me to work. [Except for the hours I work part, this is all true - I actually did relax a little over the last couple of weeks, but it was because I was ill].
The alternative to committing career suicide came to me this morning: I need to set some boundaries, and take care of my own needs so that I can give the 110% I need to give during work. As I thought about that prospect (lovely though it might be in principle), I realized that I had no earthly idea what that meant.
Doing everything you want is not paradise - really. It sounds good when you're 10 or so, and you want to do so many things that you are just not allowed to do (for a number of really good reasons you don't understand until you're older). The trouble is, I really have a life in which I can do pretty much anything I want, and I don't like it.
I remember reading somewhere that we are defined by the promises we make and keep - to ourselves and to others - and I think that it is better to be an active part of a larger whole than to be totally independent and autonomous. If the only promises we keep are those we make to ourselves (and let's be honest: most of those are abandoned by consent after we talk ourselves out of keeping them - who hasn't promised to eat better only to succumb to a REALLY lovely pastry "just this once"?), we lose the benefit of making and keeping promises to other people such that we become interdependent (not co-dependent) with the result that we lead richer and fuller lives.
The thing is, it's great to say "OK, I want to do this" and make the decision, but it requires the cooperation of others to accomplish it. What happens if you don't make friends easily? What happens if you just don't find people with whom you have enough in common to build those bridges? What happens if you've never had time to just listen to the little inner voice telling you what you really enjoy, as opposed to just joining things and staying so busy that leisure becomes as binding as work?
The recipe for change is going to have to start with basics: getting enough sleep, getting proper nutrition, and getting enough exercise. Those three things have to form the foundation for any real change - right? If you start with the premise that 8 hours is the guideline, everything else has to occur in the remaining 16 hours, including those pre-sleeping and post-waking moments that allow you to transition from sleep to wakefulness and back. Let's say, 9 hours total (including a half hour on either end for prep time). That leaves 15 hours.
Out of those remaining 15 hours per day, I have to take care of my dog (feeding, watering and taking outside to be good puppy), clean my teeth, maintain a reasonable grooming regimen (which currently consists of bare necessity to get out the door without being too scruffy - VERY bad!!), eat a nutritious meal, dress and go to work. That's the morning routine, and on a good day, it takes about an hour; on a bad day, it takes an hour and a half, so I should have to be up by 6:00 a.m. to be at work by 8:00 (because of transition time, traffic and getting a coffee & checking email when I arrive at work).
Backing up 8.5 hours from that means I have to be on my way to bed by no later than 9:30 p.m., which can allow the transition time for brushing teeth and letting the dog outside. The point is to get into a routine so that I can get to sleep - not that I sleep the minute my head hits the pillow.
That's insane, though. I didn't get home from work last night until after 8:00 p.m., and my normal arrival time is between 6:30 and 7:30 p.m. When I get home, I have to take the dog outside, I have to fix something for dinner, and I haven't even discussed exercise. When do people do these things?
It's a recipe worth working out, though, and I'm committed (or I will be if this doesn't work out).
It dawned on me this morning as I shut the alarm clock off for the eleventy-first time that I need is a workaholics anonymous program, but the difficulty is that I can't just go waltzing in to the office and say "I'm going to have to restrict my working hours because I just can't keep this up."
A) First, they would laugh in my face, and then B) they would then point to the total number of hours they all work and remind me that I'm getting paid to work those same hours. Finally, C) they would tell me that I have a choice whether to work there or not, but if I choose to do so, I need to work the hours they tell me to work. [Except for the hours I work part, this is all true - I actually did relax a little over the last couple of weeks, but it was because I was ill].
The alternative to committing career suicide came to me this morning: I need to set some boundaries, and take care of my own needs so that I can give the 110% I need to give during work. As I thought about that prospect (lovely though it might be in principle), I realized that I had no earthly idea what that meant.
Doing everything you want is not paradise - really. It sounds good when you're 10 or so, and you want to do so many things that you are just not allowed to do (for a number of really good reasons you don't understand until you're older). The trouble is, I really have a life in which I can do pretty much anything I want, and I don't like it.
I remember reading somewhere that we are defined by the promises we make and keep - to ourselves and to others - and I think that it is better to be an active part of a larger whole than to be totally independent and autonomous. If the only promises we keep are those we make to ourselves (and let's be honest: most of those are abandoned by consent after we talk ourselves out of keeping them - who hasn't promised to eat better only to succumb to a REALLY lovely pastry "just this once"?), we lose the benefit of making and keeping promises to other people such that we become interdependent (not co-dependent) with the result that we lead richer and fuller lives.
The thing is, it's great to say "OK, I want to do this" and make the decision, but it requires the cooperation of others to accomplish it. What happens if you don't make friends easily? What happens if you just don't find people with whom you have enough in common to build those bridges? What happens if you've never had time to just listen to the little inner voice telling you what you really enjoy, as opposed to just joining things and staying so busy that leisure becomes as binding as work?
The recipe for change is going to have to start with basics: getting enough sleep, getting proper nutrition, and getting enough exercise. Those three things have to form the foundation for any real change - right? If you start with the premise that 8 hours is the guideline, everything else has to occur in the remaining 16 hours, including those pre-sleeping and post-waking moments that allow you to transition from sleep to wakefulness and back. Let's say, 9 hours total (including a half hour on either end for prep time). That leaves 15 hours.
Out of those remaining 15 hours per day, I have to take care of my dog (feeding, watering and taking outside to be good puppy), clean my teeth, maintain a reasonable grooming regimen (which currently consists of bare necessity to get out the door without being too scruffy - VERY bad!!), eat a nutritious meal, dress and go to work. That's the morning routine, and on a good day, it takes about an hour; on a bad day, it takes an hour and a half, so I should have to be up by 6:00 a.m. to be at work by 8:00 (because of transition time, traffic and getting a coffee & checking email when I arrive at work).
Backing up 8.5 hours from that means I have to be on my way to bed by no later than 9:30 p.m., which can allow the transition time for brushing teeth and letting the dog outside. The point is to get into a routine so that I can get to sleep - not that I sleep the minute my head hits the pillow.
That's insane, though. I didn't get home from work last night until after 8:00 p.m., and my normal arrival time is between 6:30 and 7:30 p.m. When I get home, I have to take the dog outside, I have to fix something for dinner, and I haven't even discussed exercise. When do people do these things?
It's a recipe worth working out, though, and I'm committed (or I will be if this doesn't work out).
Monday, April 17, 2006
Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary
I spent Saturday digging in the dirt and planting. Yes, it's a bit early, but I wanted something to replace the beautiful bed of weeds I was growing next to my porch.
Considering that I have a black thumb (i.e., usually, whatever I plant dies), gardening involves a significant amount of hope. I try to plant hardy things - stuff that generally won't die of neglect - but sometimes I try new stuff just because I want things that look planned and pretty.
This weekend, I planted peonies and snapdragons. This will be my first time planting peonies, and I usually don't like them because of those little tiny ants you always see on the flowers, but I've heard from 2 reliable sources that those little ants are necessary to help the flowers open all the way. As long as they don't decide they'd rather live indoors, they can stay.
The snapdragons were just an impulse purchase - I've never grown them before, and I don't know why I decided on them this spring (other than that they were the only flowers available that looked like flowers instead of weeds), but I found yellow and red/pink ones.
Yesterday, I bought pansies, which are my favorites, and I also saw some impatiens (which I am going to wait on - it still seems a bit too cold here for impatiens). I have one area that I'm still deciding what to do with, since a) it's right in front of one of those basement egress windows and b) it currently has a mixture of weeds, hyacinths and hostas (which I also dislike - they're just leafy plants that take over everything!!).
My inclination is to cover everything over with newspaper, hay and bricks until the whole area is dead, and then put new topsoil (Miracle Gro Organic is my first preference), and plant annuals, and then put one of those cedar-y looking tall bushes (grows up to about 4 feet tall - can't think of the name) over to one side so that there is a "framing", if you will, of the "landscaped area."
My other option is to just put herbacide on everything and then cover it with rocks. I'm not sure which would be preferable, but I don't want any excessive vegetation blocking the fire exit from the basement egress window. Plus, if I plant things over there, I have to weed, water and otherwise keep up with whatever I plant....
Decisions, decisions, decisions....
I'll let you know.
Considering that I have a black thumb (i.e., usually, whatever I plant dies), gardening involves a significant amount of hope. I try to plant hardy things - stuff that generally won't die of neglect - but sometimes I try new stuff just because I want things that look planned and pretty.
This weekend, I planted peonies and snapdragons. This will be my first time planting peonies, and I usually don't like them because of those little tiny ants you always see on the flowers, but I've heard from 2 reliable sources that those little ants are necessary to help the flowers open all the way. As long as they don't decide they'd rather live indoors, they can stay.
The snapdragons were just an impulse purchase - I've never grown them before, and I don't know why I decided on them this spring (other than that they were the only flowers available that looked like flowers instead of weeds), but I found yellow and red/pink ones.
Yesterday, I bought pansies, which are my favorites, and I also saw some impatiens (which I am going to wait on - it still seems a bit too cold here for impatiens). I have one area that I'm still deciding what to do with, since a) it's right in front of one of those basement egress windows and b) it currently has a mixture of weeds, hyacinths and hostas (which I also dislike - they're just leafy plants that take over everything!!).
My inclination is to cover everything over with newspaper, hay and bricks until the whole area is dead, and then put new topsoil (Miracle Gro Organic is my first preference), and plant annuals, and then put one of those cedar-y looking tall bushes (grows up to about 4 feet tall - can't think of the name) over to one side so that there is a "framing", if you will, of the "landscaped area."
My other option is to just put herbacide on everything and then cover it with rocks. I'm not sure which would be preferable, but I don't want any excessive vegetation blocking the fire exit from the basement egress window. Plus, if I plant things over there, I have to weed, water and otherwise keep up with whatever I plant....
Decisions, decisions, decisions....
I'll let you know.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Favorite TV Ads
I have a confession to make:
I am starting to really like that new Subway ad with Jon Lovetts doing a much more G-rated version of his old SNL gig. The latest one I've seen is the one where a guy and a girl are at their desks working, and the guy is mentally rehearsing how he's going to invite the girl out on a date. Enter guy #2 who just brings her a sandwich, whereupon she thanks him profusely, grabs his tie and kisses him. Jon Lovetts says "The blonde boy's a LOSER!" in that fake-British accent he used (so it sounds like "LU-zah"), and it's just ... funny. I like this ad SO much better than the Jared ads!
Unfortunately, I have not seen my previous favorite (discussed in an earlier post), which was for some cell phone company offering a deal on this newer, slimmer Razr model (why is it that slimmer is presumed to be better, even with a phone?). That's the one that ended with the line: "Because it's LAAAAMMMMMEEEEE!!!"
I also kind of like the Dove ads - showing real women and making them look good without making them look like someone else to do it is a good thing in concept. I found myself fuming, though, whenever I saw one of their ads and it finally dawned on me that I was not fuming at the ads or the company, but that it took so flippin' long for an advertiser to recognize and implement the concept!! Hats off to Dove!!
I haven't been watching a lot of TV lately, however, because I've been trying to read more. I finished as many Quilter books (Jennifer Chiaverini) as I could get ahold of, and then I ran out of good new material. I picked up three by the same author on my last trip to the library, plus another one or two that looked interesting. I finished one of them already, and it wasn't that good, but nothing ventured nothing gained.
I am starting to really like that new Subway ad with Jon Lovetts doing a much more G-rated version of his old SNL gig. The latest one I've seen is the one where a guy and a girl are at their desks working, and the guy is mentally rehearsing how he's going to invite the girl out on a date. Enter guy #2 who just brings her a sandwich, whereupon she thanks him profusely, grabs his tie and kisses him. Jon Lovetts says "The blonde boy's a LOSER!" in that fake-British accent he used (so it sounds like "LU-zah"), and it's just ... funny. I like this ad SO much better than the Jared ads!
Unfortunately, I have not seen my previous favorite (discussed in an earlier post), which was for some cell phone company offering a deal on this newer, slimmer Razr model (why is it that slimmer is presumed to be better, even with a phone?). That's the one that ended with the line: "Because it's LAAAAMMMMMEEEEE!!!"
I also kind of like the Dove ads - showing real women and making them look good without making them look like someone else to do it is a good thing in concept. I found myself fuming, though, whenever I saw one of their ads and it finally dawned on me that I was not fuming at the ads or the company, but that it took so flippin' long for an advertiser to recognize and implement the concept!! Hats off to Dove!!
I haven't been watching a lot of TV lately, however, because I've been trying to read more. I finished as many Quilter books (Jennifer Chiaverini) as I could get ahold of, and then I ran out of good new material. I picked up three by the same author on my last trip to the library, plus another one or two that looked interesting. I finished one of them already, and it wasn't that good, but nothing ventured nothing gained.
Monday, April 10, 2006
How soon we forget......
In light of current media discussions regarding what (if anything) to do with illegal immigrants, and general handling of matters foreign and domestic by the current administration, I was reminded of the perfect joke that I finally found (at least one version of it):
Jimmy Carter is near the end of his presidency, sitting in the Oval Office when the ghost of Theodore Roosevelt appears.
"What's wrong," says Roosevelt, "you look gloomy."
"Well, I haven't had a very good four years. The economy is in shambles, and the Soviets are making advancements around the world. Now they're in Afghanistan too."
Roosevelt replies assuredly, "Russians in Afghanistan? What did you do? Did you send the Marines?"
"No" replied Carter, "but we did voice a very strong protest at the United Nations. And did I tell you, the Iranians are holding 53 American hostages."
"Oh no," Roosevelt replied. "In this case I'm sure you sent in the Marines... and the Navy, Army and Air Force."
Carter replies: "No, but we did voice a very strong protest at the United Nations."
Roosevelt is fuming at this point at the lack of Carter's backbone. Roosevelt quips back: "Isn't that great, I suppose you gave away the Panama Canal too!"
Carter: Well.......
Jimmy Carter is near the end of his presidency, sitting in the Oval Office when the ghost of Theodore Roosevelt appears.
"What's wrong," says Roosevelt, "you look gloomy."
"Well, I haven't had a very good four years. The economy is in shambles, and the Soviets are making advancements around the world. Now they're in Afghanistan too."
Roosevelt replies assuredly, "Russians in Afghanistan? What did you do? Did you send the Marines?"
"No" replied Carter, "but we did voice a very strong protest at the United Nations. And did I tell you, the Iranians are holding 53 American hostages."
"Oh no," Roosevelt replied. "In this case I'm sure you sent in the Marines... and the Navy, Army and Air Force."
Carter replies: "No, but we did voice a very strong protest at the United Nations."
Roosevelt is fuming at this point at the lack of Carter's backbone. Roosevelt quips back: "Isn't that great, I suppose you gave away the Panama Canal too!"
Carter: Well.......
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