Tuesday, March 14, 2006

"If you're paranoid-delusional, we know where you are and what you want..."

I am going to have to look for the rest of that joke - it's one of my favorites, particularly when I need to press a button for something or someone!!

So much for staying on top of things. I haven’t done any of the things I planned to do, and I’ve gotten into more trouble than I would have liked, but otherwise, it has not been too terrible.
I won my trial last week (yay!), but I did not do any of the house-cleaning I wanted to do because I got stressed out about something at work that did NOT get done - technically not my fault, as it was mostly because of someone else's complete failure to do her job, but I should have followed up on it.

Fortunately, it doesn’t appear that it was a fatal error, but I’m not going to relax until next January’s review. I bet one of the guys I work with $50 that I hear about it at my review. It would not be a bet I’d be sorry to lose, but I don’t think I’m going to lose.

Probably also in part as a consequence of the previous week's events, I did two somewhat foolish things today: I stopped at the Eddie Bauer store at Great Lakes Crossing on my way home from court this morning(no, I did not bill the client for my shopping time!), where I found a totally fabulous comforter cover, dust ruffle and 2 pillow shams for my bed and a nice sweater and tank set to wear to work all for the unbelievably low price of $106.00 (yes, I spent over $100 on stuff I could have done without); and, I … emailed that stupid boy*.

NCIS has a kind of running gag now where Gibbs smacks the offending party in his crew (usually one of the guys – I’ve never seen him smack either of the girls) on the back of the head for doing something stupid. That’s what I should be doing to myself right now, only I’m typing. Maybe one of these days, I will fill in some of the blanks about who that stupid boy is, or what the deal is about sending him an email. If I ever make any sense of it, I will, but don't hold your breath.

Here's the rest of the joke:

Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, then please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are a schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No-one will answer.

*"Emailed" in this case means I sent an Abbott and Costello joke - sort of an old family thing. About why that might be a problem? Another day, and lots of margaritas.......

Crazy: The Musical

I haven’t seen “Menopause: The Musical” or whatever it is that’s been playing on off-off-Broadway (or wherever), but as I started thinking about why women “go through the change” the way they do, I imagined it as if our bodies were factories and they plug along, working on getting the eggs ready to go out the door, only nothing happens with the product. Nobody picks it up, so the factory line starts all over again. (For some women, that is. I realize that there are women out there who WISH they had that problem, and others who wish that the factory shut down entirely.)

By the time peri-menopause hits, I think it’s just that the factory workers are figuring, hey, nothing’s happening and we’re getting to the end of our supply, so why not kick back and have a beer or two? If enough time goes by with no product development, they start a conga line, break out the rum and make daiquiris. In full-blown menopause, the workers have shut down production entirely, and they’re all in the bar whooping it up and doing tequila shooters until they’re under the table or passed out on the bar.

OK, it’s maybe a little bit crazy, but it works for me….

Monday, March 13, 2006

Happiness is a warm puppy

Thunderstorms are best experienced from the safety of one's bed, snuggled with a warm puppy. It's more comforting if he snores.

Puppy snores are at once the cutest and strangest sounds I've ever heard. I suppose dogs snore in the same mechanical way that people do, but for some reason, people snores aren't cute. At least grown up people snores aren't.

My dog doesn't have "window-rattling" snores, either. Just soft kind of snuffly ones that make me want to rub his ears.

I decided to stay home this morning - partly because of the rain and partly because I did something to my upper back. I think I just slept on it wrong, but it hurt and with everything else that has been going on lately, I figured "the heck with it" and called in. That lasted about 4 hours before a couple of forgotten deadlines dragged me out of bed and into the shower.

My dog was a little puzzled. At first, the whole concept of mama staying home was wonderful (except that he had to go outside and it was raining). Then, when mama got up and had to go to work, he got a little ... sad.

If I ever won the lottery, I can tell you exactly what I would do with the rest of my life: stay home with my dog and spoil him rotten. Good thing I don't have children, huh? :)

Monday, March 6, 2006

Passing along

I have to confess: I copied this entire section from a 700 Club blurb about a new book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger because I found it immensely practical. With due apologies to Pat Robertson and his staff, here are 10 tips to survive your rotten childhood:

To come to a good life, the struggle is against forces internal – they are yourself. Dr. Laura offers ten qualities that make it possible to liberate yourself from victimhood, and change your life from victim to victor.

1) A look in the mirror means facing the truth and deciding not to be a victim any longer.

2) Enduring the pain means stop waiting for the pain of your past to go away – it never will. Eventually the pain will have so many wonderful interruptions that it will become more readily tolerated and a less powerful force in your life.

3) Acceptance doesn’t mean you embrace your bad experiences or that you like it or agree with it. It is now your turn to decide what you’re going to do with it – or in spite of it.

4) Letting go means not allowing your bad thoughts, memories, and feelings from your bad childhood to squeeze out any joy you could enjoy in a good life.

5) Replacing bad habits like negativity or always being suspicious of the motives of others. You cannot treat the world as though it was an instant replay of your childhood.

6) Reaching out means “filling up” the empty spots in your life with healthy, kind, encouraging, and supportive people. Although risky and sometimes scary, it is important and necessary.

7) Spirituality means opening outward. Living for something or someone outside of yourself is the primary means by which you find purpose and value in your life.

8) Perspective means getting the focus off yourself. Get involved in volunteer work, charitable causes, etc.

9) Hobbies are a good distraction to move your mind away from somber issues into a positive area for growth and change.

10) A positive Attitude always makes your circumstances look better.

I think this would be a good book to read - there have to be practical suggestions on how to do some of those things when you don't have the tools to figure it out for yourself. I'm not saying I had a "bad" childhood - I know there were things my parents just didn't know how to do, and that for the most part, they did the best they could. I also know that at their worst, they are lazy and self-centered people (as I am wont to be), and that there certainly were decisions they could have made differently.

Where I tend to get bogged down is in the area of figuring out how to work past those issues - for example, how does one plan meals around a budget? How does one maintain relationships with people who don't always behave well themselves? How does one recognize "healthy, kind, encouraging, and supportive people?" How does one remove dog urp from a light tan carpet? (OK, I figured that last one out...) How does one stop saying "how does one" without banging one's head against the desk?? :) It's one thing to know what is right; it's a totally different thing to recognize that you don't have a clue how to do it, but that if you don't, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life.

OK, here's the thing: I'm still thinking about that stupid boy..... He's seeing someone - "a great gal", according to his mother. Why she sent me a Christmas card is beyond me...... But she did. I answered (because I was brought up right), but it certainly took the lid off of something I thought I'd packed away pretty well and forgotten about: my crush since I was 13 years old.... (Sigh!)

Rule #1: We will no longer try to cure this illness (for illness it is) with M & M peanut candies. Rule #2: In obeying Rule #1, we will not substitute other forms of "comfort food" for the aforementioned M & M peanut candies. Although they are tasty, they go straight to my behind and stay. Rule #3: Instead of treating the symptoms with food, we will focus on what is going well right now and on keeping it (whatever it might be) going well. Rule #4: We will give thanks for every single person God has brought into our lives because they mean that we have a future.

Maybe I will think of more rules tomorrow. I hope they won't all be phrased in the royal "we....."

Weekend Update

If my weekend were an Oscar movie, which movie would it be? Certainly not "Brokeback Mountain" (and honestly, were they really surprised they didn't win best picture?), but not "Crash", either. No, I'd have to go with "Good Night, and Good Luck."

The first guy was nice - kind of shy, and clearly not comfortable with the whole dating thing. Probably used to a lot of rejection, since he didn't smile easily or well, and he made several excuses for a lot of his past experiences, but he was nice. Unfortunately, he lives a lot further away than either of us could probably deal with, but it was nice to meet him. Told me a little more about his family dynamics and health issues than I was prepared to deal with on a first meeting, but that's OK.

The second guy ... suffered because I was a little burned out from the first guy. I have to say, as ego-boosting as it was to have 2 dates in one weekend with two different guys, I don't know how people do it! It's exhausting getting ready for meeting two totally different guys. This one was more polished, a little more ... expectant, perhaps, is a good word, and he lived a little closer, but still not a long-term prospect. Nice to chat with over coffee, but that was it. Which was OK. It was better than "so, you're not going to ask me back to your place" guy from a couple of weeks ago!! :)

Regardless of the outcome, though, going through the motions was a good idea. You never know when doing things like that will lead you into something you really want unless you get out there and start trying. I find that I am particularly bad at that - I want to keep doing the same things, but I want something totally different to happen when I do. If I remember right, that's a definition of insanity someplace: doing the same thing and expecting a different result.