Thursday, April 6, 2006


I talked yesterday about how things matter to me, and that it's important to make sure that my feelings and opinions don't get lost. [At least, that was the point - admittedly, it might have gotten lost in the general wallowing].

It also matters how I look at things. It matters what I conclude from what I observe around me. It matters not only to me but to those around me, because I have an impact on other people. However, what if my perspective is skewed or warped? Where is the reality check?

I ask those questions because without balance, the whole thing falls apart. My perspective is important, but it is not the only factor in assessing and acting on what goes on around me. Where I've been most confused and aggravated lately is where I've based my actions on my perspective without the "reality check" provided by time, hormone adjustments, input from someone else, etc. It's easy to react without taking other information into account - the average 3-year-old does that regularly. Maturity requires not reacting on the basis of just my own perspective but also taking into account other people's needs.

What happens if the two (or more) perspectives are mutually exclusive?

I'm still working through some of that, in part because I was taught that self-sacrifice was "the way to go" when it came to interpersonal issues. The other thing that persists, though, is the perception that if someone else points something out, they probably have a reason, and that reason should be considered as valid until proven otherwise.

As a result, I'm not good at just blowing off stuff that shouldn't bother me - things stick, sit under the surface and fester a bit until I get rid of it. Sometimes that process is fairly quick and painless; other times, it's long and drawn-out and wicked horrible. Where it gets really annoying is when the person is someone I know and (to a point) trust as an objective voice, but for whatever reason, I either think they're way off base, or I know they're operating from their own perspective, and (here's the part that bugs me) THEY DON'T CARE WHAT MY OPINION OR PERSPECTIVE IS because it doesn't matter in the overall outcome.

I suspect the next several days will be consumed with "anger issues." Hopefully, those won't find their way here, since it's been a somewhat dismal couple of weeks.....

On a lighter note, I just finished reading a really great book from another Irish writer. My usual favorite is Maeve Binchy, although I've read almost all of her books by this point and so haven't picked up anything of hers in a while. This one is by Sharon Owens, and it is called "The Tavern on Maple Street." Very easy to read, good character development, and a way with a story. Perfect escapist fiction! :)

I started another one this afternoon - it's set in Alaska in 1915 or so. I'll let you know how it goes.

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