One of the things that annoys me about reading or listening to other people's work is when I know I'm hearing a rehash of something they've done before. It isn't (necessarily) that it wasn't that good the first time, or that the subject isn't worthwhile. It's that if you're going to present something to someone else (or lots of someone elses), at least try to look at it with fresh eyes - to find something new in the subject that is worth exploring.
It's harder in some fields than others. I can do a motion or a complaint or a brief on an issue that is pretty much the same as the one I did on the same or a similar issue in a different case. I get that sometimes, there is little use in reinventing the wheel. By the same token, if I'm reading or hearing the same product from the same person over and over, I start to wonder if the writer or speaker has any other ideas - original ones, that is.
What about other times, though? Is it enough to do what you've already done repeatedly/ successfully/regularly? By "enough", I mean in the sense of completeness, pleasure in a job well-done, or satisfaction. I'm beginning to believe that the true ability of staying the course has to originate in learning how to keep things fresh and new. The only question is how.
C.S. Lewis said, in the Screwtape Letters, that humans have a dread of "the same old thing." I think he made a very good point. I'll have to go back and read that book again to find out. That's one of the things I mean about finding something fresh and new about even the same thing over and over - if it's really good and if you look, you can see something you didn't see before that makes it meaningful or special every time you look at it or listen to it.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
Update on Joy
Just got a call from my mom. There is a family in their church that has recently started attending. They have seven kids and not a lot of money. The short version is that the home they had been living in (I think they were renting) got sold out from under them, so they had to find housing fairly quickly. The housing issue was resolved because another couple (unrelated to them) were going through a divorce and trashed their house.
As a result, this couple with the 7 kids was able to get something relatively inexpensively that needed a lot of work but not a lot of money. No appliances, though, including no refrigerator. Turned out, they were keeping their food in styrofoam containers - efficient enough but expensive because ice is so expensive.
An appliance dealer in town was made aware of the need and the opportunity to participate in a blessing - here's the cool part: his immediate response was, what do you need. He gave - GAVE!! - this family in need a scratch and dent refrigerator, brand new, out of his store. They just loaded it on the truck and took it over there.
A) How amazing God is!! He puts people who have together with people who don't have and meets needs in ways that allow others to share in His work.
B) How cool is it that God not only allows other people to share in His work and receive the blessing that comes along with it, but when people hear about it, they praise God for His provision.
C) How interesting it is that there are people out there like this guy with the appliance shop who have enough to share what they have with others as to God. I know if I had the resources to share with other people, my biggest temptation would be to do it out of my own strength and resources! Instead of God getting the honor and glory for the work, I would - not necessarily from other people, although that would be a danger, too, but in my own head.
What makes this truly cool is Kim's quote of the week that I posted earlier today - about pride. It isn't about the things or about the ability to do for other people; it's about an attitude of the heart in whatever state we're in, and that is from God.
Anyway, just had to share the good news - thanks to God for His mercy and provision, and for His demonstration of His love and care!!
As a result, this couple with the 7 kids was able to get something relatively inexpensively that needed a lot of work but not a lot of money. No appliances, though, including no refrigerator. Turned out, they were keeping their food in styrofoam containers - efficient enough but expensive because ice is so expensive.
An appliance dealer in town was made aware of the need and the opportunity to participate in a blessing - here's the cool part: his immediate response was, what do you need. He gave - GAVE!! - this family in need a scratch and dent refrigerator, brand new, out of his store. They just loaded it on the truck and took it over there.
A) How amazing God is!! He puts people who have together with people who don't have and meets needs in ways that allow others to share in His work.
B) How cool is it that God not only allows other people to share in His work and receive the blessing that comes along with it, but when people hear about it, they praise God for His provision.
C) How interesting it is that there are people out there like this guy with the appliance shop who have enough to share what they have with others as to God. I know if I had the resources to share with other people, my biggest temptation would be to do it out of my own strength and resources! Instead of God getting the honor and glory for the work, I would - not necessarily from other people, although that would be a danger, too, but in my own head.
What makes this truly cool is Kim's quote of the week that I posted earlier today - about pride. It isn't about the things or about the ability to do for other people; it's about an attitude of the heart in whatever state we're in, and that is from God.
Anyway, just had to share the good news - thanks to God for His mercy and provision, and for His demonstration of His love and care!!
Joy Comes in the Morning
Kim, at Hiraeth, has this "quote of the week" on her sidebar:
Grace has always seemed like an insult to the natural man. It cannot seem other wise since its principle design is to mortify the pride of man and display the glory of Christ. The grace of God which brings salvation does not look for righteousness from the sinner, but gives it to him. Grace is more than an objective fact presented to man; it is a subjective experience wrought by the Holy Spirit within the recipient.
W. E. Best, Studies in the Person and Work of Jesus Christ (emphasis original to the text).
That concept - that righteousness comes as a gift from God - goes against what we are told in our culture. We all have value, yes. We all have strengths and talents, of course. But the glorying in - the talking about our own righteousness as if we'd accomplished it ourselves is the pride.
I read something recently (I can't remember where) that in some other cultures, when a baby is born, the parents do not exclaim over how adorable the child is or how blessed they feel about the new arrival. Instead, they declare loudly and repeatedly how ugly and unworthy the child is, how the baby is another burden for them, etc. The explanation for this was that if they rejoiced in the baby, the gods (or fates or whatever) would be angry and jealous, and they would curse the child and the family because of their good fortune.
As Christians, we have a God who calls us to joy. He calls us to thanksgiving and to abundant life. We don't get any benefit from denying our enjoyment of the good things that come to us in this life; God wants us to find our joy in Him as the source of those good things.
The joy that comes from God isn't the "happiness" that we see in the world; it's deep and abiding joy. I wonder sometimes if "happiness" isn't the cheap substitute for real joy, and whether it wouldn't be better to be honestly sorrowful or grieved than to follow that social mandate to always be "happy."
Anyway, I said all of that to say that, in the however-long-it's-been since I started blogging, I've gotten to know people (some I've met but most I haven't) who have demonstrated grace and friendship and true "coming alongside" to share in a way that makes me more eagerly await heaven.
Some of the things that have been coming to the surface in my life over the past few months have been challenging for me, and I've written about them here, rather than in private, because I've seen people respond with compassion and love. Those people have helped more than they know, and with the sharing of burdens there is a desire to also share joy. Today is a day with joy.
Grace has always seemed like an insult to the natural man. It cannot seem other wise since its principle design is to mortify the pride of man and display the glory of Christ. The grace of God which brings salvation does not look for righteousness from the sinner, but gives it to him. Grace is more than an objective fact presented to man; it is a subjective experience wrought by the Holy Spirit within the recipient.
W. E. Best, Studies in the Person and Work of Jesus Christ (emphasis original to the text).
That concept - that righteousness comes as a gift from God - goes against what we are told in our culture. We all have value, yes. We all have strengths and talents, of course. But the glorying in - the talking about our own righteousness as if we'd accomplished it ourselves is the pride.
I read something recently (I can't remember where) that in some other cultures, when a baby is born, the parents do not exclaim over how adorable the child is or how blessed they feel about the new arrival. Instead, they declare loudly and repeatedly how ugly and unworthy the child is, how the baby is another burden for them, etc. The explanation for this was that if they rejoiced in the baby, the gods (or fates or whatever) would be angry and jealous, and they would curse the child and the family because of their good fortune.
As Christians, we have a God who calls us to joy. He calls us to thanksgiving and to abundant life. We don't get any benefit from denying our enjoyment of the good things that come to us in this life; God wants us to find our joy in Him as the source of those good things.
The joy that comes from God isn't the "happiness" that we see in the world; it's deep and abiding joy. I wonder sometimes if "happiness" isn't the cheap substitute for real joy, and whether it wouldn't be better to be honestly sorrowful or grieved than to follow that social mandate to always be "happy."
Anyway, I said all of that to say that, in the however-long-it's-been since I started blogging, I've gotten to know people (some I've met but most I haven't) who have demonstrated grace and friendship and true "coming alongside" to share in a way that makes me more eagerly await heaven.
Some of the things that have been coming to the surface in my life over the past few months have been challenging for me, and I've written about them here, rather than in private, because I've seen people respond with compassion and love. Those people have helped more than they know, and with the sharing of burdens there is a desire to also share joy. Today is a day with joy.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
What am I here for?
After all of the yammering about this or that event, the really troublesome issue comes out to this: If all of the things I thought my life was going to be and involve turn out to be wrong turns or detours, what really is my purpose?
Catechism's answer: The chief end of man is to glorify God and to serve Him forever.
That's a fine answer, but what is the practical outworking of that? How do I do that? I mean, it's a generic, ivory-tower concept - does that mean eschewing everything connected with the material world and devoting myself to good deeds like Mother Theresa or going to a mission field someplace far away, or what? I don't think so. Not that those aren't good things, but I haven't felt that call on my life.
Does it mean working day in and day out to achieve debt-free living? Still a good idea, but then what? What do you do when (OK, for me that is still an "if") you get all of your bills paid off, even the student loans and the mortgages? Then what?
I don't have children - which is probably a good thing in my case - and I'm of about the same mind about children as I am about missions: good idea, but not for me. There was a time I felt differently, but honestly, at 43 (and a half) years old, I'm too tired for children!
What is there about making a life worthwhile? 'Cuz here's the thing: other people may be content to just go through their lives working and paying bills and doing whatever they do, but I'm not used to that. There always has to be more, for me anyway.
When I moved here, in the back of my head, there was this thought that maybe living here on my own was the set of circumstances and attitude changes that would bring the One I'm Supposed To Spend The Rest Of My Life With into my life, and I'd meet him, get married, settle down, and live the life I was really supposed to be living. I would never have admitted that - not even at gunpoint - but that's what is supposed to happen, right? Single, getting to that age, find someone, etc. That's the script.
That was one part of the reasons behind my purchase of a residence - because, after all, who takes a 30-something (at that time) year old woman seriously unless she owns real estate? If she's just renting, she's either a gold-digger or she's hopelessly inept, financially, and not a good prospect. These days, we women have to be not only attractive, slender, and modest-but-with-sensual-potential, but we also have to have our financial s*** together. (The other part was that I needed to move due to Neighbors From Hell living upstairs, renting was as expensive as buying, and I only wanted to move once).
Except it didn't happen. None of it. The one I thought might be either the One or someone through whom I might meet the One not only turned out to be neither, he turned out to be nothing like I'd thought he would be (and now he's marrying someone else - who is divorced and has two kids already: the instant family concept).
None of the choices I've made to get where I ended up seem at all in line with what I wanted my life to be like in the four years it's been since I made this move in the first place. All things being equal, my life is at least half over, and I'm still not sure what I'm doing with it.
As of right now, I'm pretty well into screwing up my job - I have a certain amount of billable hours I need to put in to justify my continued existence. As of today, I'm far enough behind that I don't even know how far behind I am - except, I'm pretty sure I would have to bill (not work, bill) 200 hours a month to get caught up by the end of the year. If that isn't self-destruction in action, I don't know what is.
The struggle there, though, is why am I doing this anyway? I'm doing the same thing - at which I do not completely suck, which is always good to know - for more money than I've ever made in my life. The money I make pays my bills (or it would if I didn't keep spending more than I can afford). I joined the church I was talking about and started with choir practice on Wednesday night.
So why do I feel like chucking it all in the can and starting over?
Catechism's answer: The chief end of man is to glorify God and to serve Him forever.
That's a fine answer, but what is the practical outworking of that? How do I do that? I mean, it's a generic, ivory-tower concept - does that mean eschewing everything connected with the material world and devoting myself to good deeds like Mother Theresa or going to a mission field someplace far away, or what? I don't think so. Not that those aren't good things, but I haven't felt that call on my life.
Does it mean working day in and day out to achieve debt-free living? Still a good idea, but then what? What do you do when (OK, for me that is still an "if") you get all of your bills paid off, even the student loans and the mortgages? Then what?
I don't have children - which is probably a good thing in my case - and I'm of about the same mind about children as I am about missions: good idea, but not for me. There was a time I felt differently, but honestly, at 43 (and a half) years old, I'm too tired for children!
What is there about making a life worthwhile? 'Cuz here's the thing: other people may be content to just go through their lives working and paying bills and doing whatever they do, but I'm not used to that. There always has to be more, for me anyway.
When I moved here, in the back of my head, there was this thought that maybe living here on my own was the set of circumstances and attitude changes that would bring the One I'm Supposed To Spend The Rest Of My Life With into my life, and I'd meet him, get married, settle down, and live the life I was really supposed to be living. I would never have admitted that - not even at gunpoint - but that's what is supposed to happen, right? Single, getting to that age, find someone, etc. That's the script.
That was one part of the reasons behind my purchase of a residence - because, after all, who takes a 30-something (at that time) year old woman seriously unless she owns real estate? If she's just renting, she's either a gold-digger or she's hopelessly inept, financially, and not a good prospect. These days, we women have to be not only attractive, slender, and modest-but-with-sensual-potential, but we also have to have our financial s*** together. (The other part was that I needed to move due to Neighbors From Hell living upstairs, renting was as expensive as buying, and I only wanted to move once).
Except it didn't happen. None of it. The one I thought might be either the One or someone through whom I might meet the One not only turned out to be neither, he turned out to be nothing like I'd thought he would be (and now he's marrying someone else - who is divorced and has two kids already: the instant family concept).
None of the choices I've made to get where I ended up seem at all in line with what I wanted my life to be like in the four years it's been since I made this move in the first place. All things being equal, my life is at least half over, and I'm still not sure what I'm doing with it.
As of right now, I'm pretty well into screwing up my job - I have a certain amount of billable hours I need to put in to justify my continued existence. As of today, I'm far enough behind that I don't even know how far behind I am - except, I'm pretty sure I would have to bill (not work, bill) 200 hours a month to get caught up by the end of the year. If that isn't self-destruction in action, I don't know what is.
The struggle there, though, is why am I doing this anyway? I'm doing the same thing - at which I do not completely suck, which is always good to know - for more money than I've ever made in my life. The money I make pays my bills (or it would if I didn't keep spending more than I can afford). I joined the church I was talking about and started with choir practice on Wednesday night.
So why do I feel like chucking it all in the can and starting over?
Friday, May 18, 2007
Still shell-shocked
Today is a little better. I’m still sad, and I’m still a little hurt, but I feel like I have a little more perspective on it. It could just be that the family decided they wanted the service to be just for family. I can understand that – they might also include anyone at her church who was close to her, while I hadn’t seen her in three and a half years (even though I'd written to her monthly for how long now....). I can do my own thing as far as closure and remembering her life in a way that helps me, and that will be OK.
The only thing is, I feel like I did – how many years ago? – when I had a similar experience with someone else. I hadn’t seen it coming at all, and then wham! Both situations came down to someone treating me as if I wasn’t worth their time for even the smallest courtesy - the whole "not-talking-to-you" thing is very immature, but it works. All I could do the last time was to withdraw to my own “safe zone” and wait until I felt healed enough to venture back out into the world. That’s how I feel now – fragile and stretched beyond what I can cope with on my own. I want to go home and cry, and I can't.
The only thing is, I feel like I did – how many years ago? – when I had a similar experience with someone else. I hadn’t seen it coming at all, and then wham! Both situations came down to someone treating me as if I wasn’t worth their time for even the smallest courtesy - the whole "not-talking-to-you" thing is very immature, but it works. All I could do the last time was to withdraw to my own “safe zone” and wait until I felt healed enough to venture back out into the world. That’s how I feel now – fragile and stretched beyond what I can cope with on my own. I want to go home and cry, and I can't.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Better out than in
I wasn't sure about whether to talk about this or not, but being "a bear of very small brain," I decided it was better to get it out than keep it in.
This lady who is the last of a group of friends from 50-some years ago passed away April 9. Out of respect for the friendship she and her husband had with my grandparents, I stayed in touch with her after my grandparents both died and after her husband died. She wasn't alone, really. Her sons and their wives all retired and lived close by. They visited regularly and made sure she had everything she needed. I just stayed in touch because I'd always thought of her and her husband as my spare grandparents.
When she died earlier this year, her daughter-in-law called me to tell me that she had passed and that they hadn't planned when they were going to do the memorial service. She wanted to be cremated, so that was accomplished, but the family wanted a memorial service to celebrate her life, and they hadn't worked out the date yet because of everyone's schedules. She said she'd let me know when. They were still working on the obituary for the local paper here in Michigan, even though she died in another state, because there would be people here that knew her, etc.
Flash-forward 5 weeks, and the notice went in the paper May 16. The obituary finally was amended to add a photo on the local funeral home's website and the local paper in the state where she died was also amended. The date for the memorial service is this Saturday, May 19, which is not enough time for me to make plans to go, if I was planning to attend.
While I understand that the family may want this to be a private service, the daughter-in-law told me she would let me know. She didn't. I didn't get a call, a note, nothing. The only reason I found out was because I looked in the paper under the death notices and saw it there.
The thing is, it's OK that the connection I had to this family is gone - the grandparents were my grandparents' best friends for many years, and my grandfather always thought of the other man as his brother. They took vacations together, they prayed for each other, they were family.
It just hurts that no one told me, when the daughter-in-law said she would. This is the same woman that sent me their family Christmas newsletter I wrote about earlier, telling me that her son was getting married, so I trusted her to tell me what was going on, even if they had decided to just have the service for the family.
I tried to talk to my parents about it, but they just get bitter and snide, and I don't want that. I just want to express my own hurt about the situation without causing pain to anyone else, and then I can move forward.
Thanks, BTW, for listening.
This lady who is the last of a group of friends from 50-some years ago passed away April 9. Out of respect for the friendship she and her husband had with my grandparents, I stayed in touch with her after my grandparents both died and after her husband died. She wasn't alone, really. Her sons and their wives all retired and lived close by. They visited regularly and made sure she had everything she needed. I just stayed in touch because I'd always thought of her and her husband as my spare grandparents.
When she died earlier this year, her daughter-in-law called me to tell me that she had passed and that they hadn't planned when they were going to do the memorial service. She wanted to be cremated, so that was accomplished, but the family wanted a memorial service to celebrate her life, and they hadn't worked out the date yet because of everyone's schedules. She said she'd let me know when. They were still working on the obituary for the local paper here in Michigan, even though she died in another state, because there would be people here that knew her, etc.
Flash-forward 5 weeks, and the notice went in the paper May 16. The obituary finally was amended to add a photo on the local funeral home's website and the local paper in the state where she died was also amended. The date for the memorial service is this Saturday, May 19, which is not enough time for me to make plans to go, if I was planning to attend.
While I understand that the family may want this to be a private service, the daughter-in-law told me she would let me know. She didn't. I didn't get a call, a note, nothing. The only reason I found out was because I looked in the paper under the death notices and saw it there.
The thing is, it's OK that the connection I had to this family is gone - the grandparents were my grandparents' best friends for many years, and my grandfather always thought of the other man as his brother. They took vacations together, they prayed for each other, they were family.
It just hurts that no one told me, when the daughter-in-law said she would. This is the same woman that sent me their family Christmas newsletter I wrote about earlier, telling me that her son was getting married, so I trusted her to tell me what was going on, even if they had decided to just have the service for the family.
I tried to talk to my parents about it, but they just get bitter and snide, and I don't want that. I just want to express my own hurt about the situation without causing pain to anyone else, and then I can move forward.
Thanks, BTW, for listening.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
From the sublime to the ridiculous
It feels like the “hungry monster” has taken over my body – actually, it’s both the “hungry monster” and the “buying monster.” I want to go someplace and buy dinner – a nice dinner that includes a baked potato, some form of meat that is properly cooked (in other words, juicy and flavorful) and not reheated in a microwave, really good macaroni and cheese, and brownie with nuts and thick chocolate frosting.
Then, I want an iPod and/or a new cell phone. If I get just the cell phone, I want one that plays music and downloads stuff from the Internet and lets me email back and forth. I also want someone to download songs onto it, because I don’t know how to do this since I don’t already have one.
I also want all new clothes – yes, I would prefer that they be in a smaller size and that I would actually be able to fit into a smaller size, but I don’t really care right now. I want shoes that don’t have holes in the soles (or have to go someplace for half-soles where they will disappear for a week).
I want a new car that doesn’t have mismatched interior seats or peeling paint on the windshield wiper arms. I want one that has the logo/trim stuff intact – no missing grille trim, thank you. It has to have a CD player – or mp3 player (whichever is easier to deal with) – and all new clean stuff – it should also be self-vacuuming/cleaning, while I’m at it.
I don’t want my joints to start aching, and I’d like the pin in my wrist to stop hurting now – the rain is gone, and I don’t need the warning.
Most of all, I want my house to be clean when I walk in the door. I want the carpets vacuumed, the dishes done, the dust removed from all surfaces, the walls washed, the floors really clean, and the clutter gone. I want junk mail to dissolve into smoke when it hits my mailbox so that I don’t have to dispose of it when I get the mail. I want the furniture in my house to look pulled together – like the design was intended, instead of just happening on its own.
I want clean clothes, clean sheets, and fresh towels every morning. I want a clothes chute in my bathroom upstairs, so that I can put the dirty stuff in there and it will go straight to the laundry room in the basement. I want clean mirrors, clean vanities in the bathrooms, and clean tile that does not get grunge in the grout.
While I’m at it, I want a new house – with an attached garage and maintenance. And, I want someone home when I get home – someone who asks about my day (or vice versa – if it’s a he and he’s out making a nice living to support all of the stuff I’ve already mentioned), and who cares about me. I want a fenced yard for Tanner to run in, with trees and squirrels and birds. So there. Too.
Sometimes, I just have to say these things. It doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for what I have, or that I don’t understand there are people in the world who can’t sleep because bombs are going off around them, or that what I eat in a day could feed a family of four for a week in some countries. It’s not that at all. It’s just that every now and then, my inner 3-year-old gets cranky, and this is what I feel like.
Then, I want an iPod and/or a new cell phone. If I get just the cell phone, I want one that plays music and downloads stuff from the Internet and lets me email back and forth. I also want someone to download songs onto it, because I don’t know how to do this since I don’t already have one.
I also want all new clothes – yes, I would prefer that they be in a smaller size and that I would actually be able to fit into a smaller size, but I don’t really care right now. I want shoes that don’t have holes in the soles (or have to go someplace for half-soles where they will disappear for a week).
I want a new car that doesn’t have mismatched interior seats or peeling paint on the windshield wiper arms. I want one that has the logo/trim stuff intact – no missing grille trim, thank you. It has to have a CD player – or mp3 player (whichever is easier to deal with) – and all new clean stuff – it should also be self-vacuuming/cleaning, while I’m at it.
I don’t want my joints to start aching, and I’d like the pin in my wrist to stop hurting now – the rain is gone, and I don’t need the warning.
Most of all, I want my house to be clean when I walk in the door. I want the carpets vacuumed, the dishes done, the dust removed from all surfaces, the walls washed, the floors really clean, and the clutter gone. I want junk mail to dissolve into smoke when it hits my mailbox so that I don’t have to dispose of it when I get the mail. I want the furniture in my house to look pulled together – like the design was intended, instead of just happening on its own.
I want clean clothes, clean sheets, and fresh towels every morning. I want a clothes chute in my bathroom upstairs, so that I can put the dirty stuff in there and it will go straight to the laundry room in the basement. I want clean mirrors, clean vanities in the bathrooms, and clean tile that does not get grunge in the grout.
While I’m at it, I want a new house – with an attached garage and maintenance. And, I want someone home when I get home – someone who asks about my day (or vice versa – if it’s a he and he’s out making a nice living to support all of the stuff I’ve already mentioned), and who cares about me. I want a fenced yard for Tanner to run in, with trees and squirrels and birds. So there. Too.
Sometimes, I just have to say these things. It doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for what I have, or that I don’t understand there are people in the world who can’t sleep because bombs are going off around them, or that what I eat in a day could feed a family of four for a week in some countries. It’s not that at all. It’s just that every now and then, my inner 3-year-old gets cranky, and this is what I feel like.
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