From the sublime to the ridiculous

It feels like the “hungry monster” has taken over my body – actually, it’s both the “hungry monster” and the “buying monster.” I want to go someplace and buy dinner – a nice dinner that includes a baked potato, some form of meat that is properly cooked (in other words, juicy and flavorful) and not reheated in a microwave, really good macaroni and cheese, and brownie with nuts and thick chocolate frosting.

Then, I want an iPod and/or a new cell phone. If I get just the cell phone, I want one that plays music and downloads stuff from the Internet and lets me email back and forth. I also want someone to download songs onto it, because I don’t know how to do this since I don’t already have one.

I also want all new clothes – yes, I would prefer that they be in a smaller size and that I would actually be able to fit into a smaller size, but I don’t really care right now. I want shoes that don’t have holes in the soles (or have to go someplace for half-soles where they will disappear for a week).

I want a new car that doesn’t have mismatched interior seats or peeling paint on the windshield wiper arms. I want one that has the logo/trim stuff intact – no missing grille trim, thank you. It has to have a CD player – or mp3 player (whichever is easier to deal with) – and all new clean stuff – it should also be self-vacuuming/cleaning, while I’m at it.

I don’t want my joints to start aching, and I’d like the pin in my wrist to stop hurting now – the rain is gone, and I don’t need the warning.

Most of all, I want my house to be clean when I walk in the door. I want the carpets vacuumed, the dishes done, the dust removed from all surfaces, the walls washed, the floors really clean, and the clutter gone. I want junk mail to dissolve into smoke when it hits my mailbox so that I don’t have to dispose of it when I get the mail. I want the furniture in my house to look pulled together – like the design was intended, instead of just happening on its own.

I want clean clothes, clean sheets, and fresh towels every morning. I want a clothes chute in my bathroom upstairs, so that I can put the dirty stuff in there and it will go straight to the laundry room in the basement. I want clean mirrors, clean vanities in the bathrooms, and clean tile that does not get grunge in the grout.

While I’m at it, I want a new house – with an attached garage and maintenance. And, I want someone home when I get home – someone who asks about my day (or vice versa – if it’s a he and he’s out making a nice living to support all of the stuff I’ve already mentioned), and who cares about me. I want a fenced yard for Tanner to run in, with trees and squirrels and birds. So there. Too.

Sometimes, I just have to say these things. It doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for what I have, or that I don’t understand there are people in the world who can’t sleep because bombs are going off around them, or that what I eat in a day could feed a family of four for a week in some countries. It’s not that at all. It’s just that every now and then, my inner 3-year-old gets cranky, and this is what I feel like.