Thursday, May 3, 2007

Destination check, please?

What do you call checking email accounts more than 25 times in a day? I think I passed "obsession" miles ago, but I'm not sure where I ended up.

[The real quirk in this is that I'm not really sure what I'm checking for. It's not like I'm anxiously awaiting some message from someone on the Internet Superhighway (to continue the metaphor long beyond its usefulness)]. The weird part is, I'm getting so starved for email that I'm tempted to read those spam emails offering to make parts of the body I don't even have bigger just to see what all the fuss is about......


[WARNING - If you're easily grossed out, please don't read any further. Or at least, don't read any further while you are in places where other people might see/hear you].

Although Monday was a lovely day, Tuesday knocked me on my keister - literally. I was up all night turning my stomach inside out about once every hour (almost on the hour) from about midnight until about 6:00 a.m. I ended the last session sitting on the bathroom floor waiting to see if I needed to exert myself to move, or if it would be more efficient to try to die right there on the tile floor so as not to stain the carpet.

The thing is, this was just a flu - I hadn't done anything worth being punished like that! Really! Monday night being a school night, I did what I was supposed to do. I got home at a decent hour, after getting gas at $2.829/gallon (the cheapest price in the whole state, I later learned). I cooked, I ate dinner, I played with my dog and took him outside like a good mama should, and we went to bed by 11:20 p.m.

There was no evening wine and a movie with friends, no shots at Chili's after work, no booze of any kind - not even cough syrup. I'm not much of a drinker anyway, and I've never had a hangover, so I am not joking when I say I really didn't do anything that would lead me to expect all-night-hurling as the close to the evening's activities.

Further, I wasn't sniffling, I didn't have a tummyache, and I didn't feel unwell at all - until about midnight. It wasn't like I'd been unwell and then ate dinner on top of an upset stomach. This thing snuck up on me, beat the snot out of me and then sat there and chuckled while I ralphed all of the bile out of my liver.

About 18 hours later, it was over. Seriously. Weirdest thing ever. I felt well enough to totter down the stairs and drink some diet 7Up, which was probably not the best thing for me, but it was all I had that I figured would not make me instantly start heaving again. I slept, got up the next morning and went to work. Like nothing had happened.

Something is definitely wrong with the time-space continuum.......

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